Just me walking in the door.
The familiar question running through my head: Will there be anyone who comes today that I can sit with? Or will I sit alone again?
It's not that I don't feel welcome here. I do. I'm definitely at home here. It's a place of familiar faces.
But, it's still hard to sit alone so often.
The service is over. Everyone is heading out the doors. Some to pick up their kids and some to visit with others. Some are in a hurry to leave and some will linger.
Should I stay and try to find people to visit with? Or should I just quickly leave?
Some weeks I linger. Some weeks I go.
Conversations in settings like that are difficult for me - especially when I'm feeling alone. I want to connect, but sometimes it feels like because I'm alone, it's more difficult to connect. Maybe it's because I struggle with making small talk too.
Each time I go to church events of any kind, thoughts and struggles similar to these go through my head. As a single person, who is also an introvert, easily overwhelmed by crowds, going to church events can be hard.
I want to go, but I also struggle with it. I usually go anyways and put a smile on my face, but the truth is I'm fighting a battle with myself inside.
Sometimes it seems like I'm the odd one out in these settings. Everyone I talk to is married and often has kids. And that seems to make conversation more difficult - like there's less to find for common ground.
But, we were made to need each other. God made us to need relationship with people. We need to connect with others.
Sometimes our feelings can hinder our view of reality. In those moments when I'm feeling alone, it's far easier to further isolate myself from others, than to reach out to others and seek that connection. But, those are exactly the moments when we need to reach out most - when we need to push past the feelings of being alone and make connection with others.
When we seek that connection with others that God created us for, we begin to live the life that God intends for us to live.