Changing Perspective

How are you praising God these days?

Are you holding onto the promises of God's presence and peace?

What are you grateful for today?

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
                                                                               (Phillippians 4:4-7)

These verses have spoken to me often. I've turned to them in many situations where things didn't seem to be going as planned.

When I opened my Bible to read this afternoon, this was the passage that was next. I struggled with the first couple sentences today. If I'm honest, I don't really feel much like rejoicing in anything these days.

But, as I stopped and sat with these familiar verses for a while, I was challenged and encouraged by what God was speaking to me through them. And, while all of what I'm about to say might be familiar to us. I think it's important to remind ourselves of it right now.

Paul isn't talking about rejoicing because our circumstances make sense or things are good. Paul is talking about rejoicing in the Lord. We can rejoice in the Lord because He is God and He is good and He is faithful and He is unchanging. Sometimes, this is a choice. We may not feel like rejoicing in anything, but we choose to praise God for Who He is regardless of our circumstances.

There are promises we can hold onto in this passage:
1) The Lord is near. He has not left us or forgotten us. We can be sure that He is walking through everything that's going on with us.
2) We can have the peace of God to guard our hearts and minds. This isn't a peace based on circumstances, because our circumstances may not be peaceful yet we can still have peace. It's a peace because God is with us. He gives us His peace, which goes beyond anything we can understand in our humanness.

Even though I know these promises are true, I wondered how we can find the peace to replace our anxieties and fears. I wondered how we can live in the reality of these promises instead of the fear and anxiety that comes so easily right now.

In the middle of these verses, we're told we can take everything to God in prayer. He can take it all. But, I think there's two important words in the middle of the instruction to take everything that makes us anxious and afraid to God. Two words that will help us to change our perspective.

What are they?

With Thanksgiving

This changes our perspective. In the midst of fear and anxiety, when we choose to look for things we can be thankful for it changes so much for us. It shifts our focus from all that is wrong, all we're fearful and anxious about, to the good things in the midst of it all.

I was challenged today to be more intentional about things to be grateful for each day. To take the time every day to write down at least three things I'm thankful for from that day.

As I did that today, it didn't remove the current reality. Nothing has changed in our world. But, what I was seeing changed and I was moved to worship, because the God we serve is good and faithful and constant and loving.

Maybe you're struggling with all that's going on too. Can I challenge you? Take a few minutes at the end of the day and write down three things you're thankful for from the day. Look for the good in the midst of the fear and uncertainty of the world.

What do we do When Life Feels like it's Spinning Out of Control

Until just a few minutes ago, I had decided that I was just going to skip posting this week. I didn't feel like I had anything to say. And I wasn't even sure I could put anything into coherent thought.

(Actaully, I'm still not sure that will happen well with this post.)

I've been thinking a lot about how we get through it when the whole world seems to be spinning out of control. What do we do? How do we get through it?

If I'm honest, the events of the few weeks have sent my anxiety higher than it's been in a long time. Most days I feel like I'm just barely hanging on and all I want to do is hide from all of it. But, I still have to deal with the reality of what's going on and hiding is impossible.

So, what do we do when we find ourselves in these situations? 

I'm not talking about caring about practical physical needs. I think what's out there has covered that pretty well. I'm talking about how we get through it emotionally, mentally, spiritually.

It's easy to quote Scripture about trusting God, or about God being in control, or any number of things. And they're absolutely true. But, these days, they can ring a bit hollow when you're feeling like you're barely hanging on and anxiety is high. We have to choose to hold onto those truths, but we can't stop there.

This is where I'm glad that we can be completely honest with God about how we're feeling. He can handle. He wants us to bring it to Him. Sometimes just acknowledging it is helpful to being able to handle it.

But, the truth is that we also need each other. This may be a more difficult in times like this, but it doesn't change the fact that we need each other. While the how of this may look different, we can't neglect this.

And, if I'm honest, this is the part I haven't done well. I've turned to Scripture and to prayer in these last few weeks, but when I've been with people I've fought hard to keep it together and not let them see I'm struggling. And I know that hasn't helped things.

So, something I'm learning (again) and maybe can encourage you with: Keep taking it to God and turning to Scripture for truth. And find ways to keep connecting with others - it might not be the same face-to-face ways we usually use, but keep connecting somehow. We can't try to do it on our own. We need each other.

Sometimes it's Just not Funny . . .

. . . even if you meant it as a joke and I laughed in that moment.

I know you meant it as a joke, so I laughed a bit to cover what was really going on inside.

It wasn't the time or place to explain it. Maybe we were in a busy place. Maybe it was too loud for that kind of conversation. Maybe I didn't feel like I knew you well enough to speak up.

And, I honestly wasn't even sure I would be able to explain it then. In the midst of things, I lose my words and my ability to explain clearly, especially when I'm struggling with something.

What am I talking about?

A simple conversation I've had more times than I can count - in coffee shops and church foyers, in small groups and large groups, in planning meetings and in more casual settings.

When I say something about remembering to include those who are single and the response is something about making the inclusion about next time being ready for the part about marriage. When the way to include singles is suggested to be something about getting ready for or moving toward marriage.

I can see in your face and hear in your voice that you really do mean for this to be a joke. You want to have fun. So I'll often laugh along.

But, what you probably won't see is the hurt inside me. The way I'm struggling, once again, with feeling like I don't really belong The way I feel less than as woman at that moment.

And you won't see it because I'm terrified to let it show. I know many would say that I should let it show - that hiding doesn't help. I agree that hiding doesn't help, but, in that moment, being single has become a source of shame for me, and there's not way I'm going to let you know that.

Sometimes, it's just not funny, even if I laughed.

Actually, a more accurate way to say it: It's just not funny, even if I laughed. There's really no sometimes about it.

A valid concern I expressed about including everyone who might be there has been turned into a joke and then moved on from.

Let me be clear: I don't think it's intentional. I believe that most times when this happens, causing anyone hurt is absolutely the last thing the person who said it intends.

But good intentions don't change reality. They don't remove the pain.

I get it. When I've had the opportunity to pursue the topic later with someone, they've told me that because it's so far outside their own experience and experience of those closest to them, they don't know how to respond and feel awkward. And one of the ways we deal with things that make us awkward is to try to make it into a joke.

But, if making sure singles are included in things and talking about it makes us feel awkward, then we have a big problem. And it's not going to be fixed by making jokes about it.

The truth is, I feel awkward about having to say something about making sure singles are included too. In doing so, I'm likely making it clear to everyone in earshot that I'm the single person in the conversation and that's not always easy.

For some reason, the church today has lost sight of the singles in their midst. In each individual church, it looks different. And some do better than others at not forgetting about the singles in their midst. But as a whole we're missing it here - at least the North American evangelical church as a whole is. I wrote quite a bit about this topic in spring of 2019 ( here are a couple of posts on the topic what Scripture says about singleness - Part 1 & Part 2, why we need to talk about singleness, and is singleness a gift, along with many more you can find on my blog).

So, we're in the awkward moment, where I've said something and you're feeling the need to make a joke to cover up the awkwardness. What should you do instead?

Acknowledge the reality. Say you feel awkward. Ask questions about how to include all. If I included a suggestion, look for ways we can build on that together.

But, whatever you do, please don't turn it into a joke. I'll laugh in the moment, but not because I think it's funny. I'll laugh to hide what's really go on inside. To try to cover the shame I'm feeling because it feels like I don't belong. Like being single in the church is seen as less than or as just waiting and preparing for marriage.