In the last few months, as gatherings of many kinds have begun happening again, I've noticed something has changed. And I'm not sure it's for the better as a single person.
Over the last couple years we've been limited in who we can see and that seems to have carried over in some ways as we've begun to gather again. Often, we just stick to the same little group.
While I understand. There's a level of comfort there. And we're not over all of this pandemic yet.
(Please no arguments or comments about the pandemic on this. This is not the place for that, and it misses the point of what I'm saying.)
But, it makes if even more difficult than it used to be to walk into a gathering of any kind as a single person. Instead of being welcomed into a group with others, I often find I may as well be invisible in the room. The groups that have been who we spent the last two years with have become closed and unintentionally unwelcoming to others.
Except the language we use hasn't changed. We describe ourselves as welcoming to everyone. We say we create a welcoming space. But, the reality can feel a lot different.
We're welcoming if you came with your own group that you can sit with. We're welcoming if you already fit somewhere.
So, where does this leave the single person?
The single person, whose world was even smaller than others' the last two years. The single person who is the one in desperate need of connection.
When I look around at a Sunday morning at church, I see one of two things have happened. The singles I know have just quit coming - if they returned at all. Or, we're sitting with our parents and not connecting with others.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being with our parents, but, I wasn't really thinking that in my late thirties that would be the only option I had to not sit alone at everything. Until the last year, I'd sat with friends and acquaintances at church since high school - never imaging I'd now sit with my Mom every week so that I didn't have to sit alone.
The struggle has come on the weeks my Mom isn't there. Most of my attempts to sit with others those times have been rebuffed - sometimes subtly and sometimes in a very outright way. Mostly, probably not intentionally, but it's what has happened.
I ran into the clearest example of this just last night at church. Our monthly worship and prayer gathering. I went by myself, like usual. While I was greeted as I walked in and a few people had brief conversations with me, the part where I felt invisible came after that. I took a seat on my own. When we moved into praying in small groups, everyone else turned to pray with those they were sitting with and I continued to sit by myself. In that moment, I felt like I could have just gotten up to leave and no one would have noticed or cared if I did.
It was hard. And it drove home the importance of not just offering a friendly greeting to people, but actually inviting them in. To sit with us, if they're alone.
I know how easy it is to fall into a habit of just always sitting with the same group. I know it's not always an intentional choice to leave others out. But, we've gotten really good at it, and it's not a good thing.
So, that leaves me with a question. One that all of us need to think about - whether we're single or not.
How can we do a better job of making sure we include everyone?
