Growing up, I had a plan for what my life would be like. What would happen when. They encouraged me to do this in school. But, even the best made plans don't always come to fruition.
I was going through a box of old journals recently and read one of those pages where I had planned our what my life after high school would look like. As I read it, I was struck by how different from that plan my life today actually is.
My plans when I was in high school had me finishing my business degree in four years, getting a job at an accounting firm and getting my designation as an accountant in three years following that. In my plan, I would have gotten married in that time and have kids once I finished all the other.
My reality started out according to that plan. I did get my business degree after four years. But, that's as much as it went according to my plan. I'm not an accountant. I'm not married. But, I have a job I love and I have the freedom to be involved in things I love at my church.
For a long time I struggled with not having the life I had so carefully planned in high school. When people talked to me about making that plan, they seemed to imply that it would happen - even if that wasn't what they intended. So, when things didn't go according to my plan, I wondered what I had done wrong in making my plan.
A couple years ago, I came to the realization that I was missing out on a lot of good stuff God had planned for me, because I was still holding on to that plan I had. I had to get to the point of surrendering my plan to God, so I could embrace His - whatever it might look like.
As I began walking that journey of letting go of my plans and embracing God's, my perspective changed. Instead of seeing what I didn't have and wishing for it, I started to see everything I did have. All the things God has blessed me with - many of which I'd been missing for a long time.
It doesn't mean I don't still want some of those things that were in my original plan, but it does mean I'm not focused on them to the exclusion of what I have been given. It's a balance, and I often find I've wandered to one side or the other. But, as I learn to be grateful for all that God has blessed me with, I'm learning to love the life I have while still having things I desire.