We Can't Let Our Discomfort Keep up Quiet

Wading deeper into a topic I never thought I'd be wading into on this blog. It's not a topic we regularly talk about, but we need to.

In her book, "Party of One", Joy Beth Smith puts it this way:

"Out of fear or discomfort or shame, we in the church have relegated any discussion of sexuality to the act of marital sex." (pg. 84)

And I get that. I've hesitated to write this post for exactly the reasons above.

I've restarted it multiple times as I've tried to figure out what to say and how to say it. But, I know I can't end this series of posts without addressing this. It has a big impact on the lives of all in the church - whether married or single.

We live in a sexualized culture. It's everywhere we look. Really, it's almost impossible to avoid. And that is why we need to have these conversations.

"Our conversations and theology around sexuality have to become more nuanced. They have to encompass more than physical intimacy, and they have to allow for people who are single well into their thirties, forties, and fifties, whether by choice or by circumstances." (Joy Beth Smith, "Party of One", pg. 85)

The way we have limited the discussion on this has ignored a growing group of people in our churches. Whether we're married or single, we're sexual beings trying to navigate things according to God's plan in our highly sexualized culture. It's not easy for any of us, which is why we need to talk about it.

We can no longer pretend that there is only a short list of message about this that we need to communicate. It's not just "wait until you're married to have sex" and "don't have sex with anyone other than your spouse." Those are important biblical messages, but if we stop with them, we fall short.

Sometimes, I wonder if we stop there because many of the people responsible for communicating our messages on this have little or no experience with being single past the "normal age" for people to get married. It can be difficult to talk about this when it's something you have little experience to understand.

So, how do we fix this?

We need to create space where this conversation is okay to have. Where married and single people can share without judgement. Obviously, with appropriate boundaries, but still able to share personally.