We All Need to Practice Hospitality

"I don't have the gift of hospitality."

"I'm just not good at hospitality like __________."

"I don't have enough space to practice hospitality."

"My house isn't nice enough to have practice hospitality."

How often do we say things like this?

I know I often have. I have tried to make my refusal to practice hospitality sound spiritually acceptable. But all the excuses I can come up with don't really stand up.

In Rebekah Lyons' new (and soon to be released) book, Rhythms of Renewal she talks about four different rhythms we need in our lives - rest, restore, connect, create. Within each of the rhythms she talks about some practical ways to make this rhythm a part of our lives. Each is challenging to consider, yet simple to act on.

In the section on the rhythm of connect, Rebekah has a chapter on hospitality. I found this chapter especially challenging. I'm not the one who has a perfectly decorated space or a themed table setting when I have people over. Quite honestly, when I'm setting up for anything, making the space look pretty is the last thing on my mind, if I think of it at all. And I've always used that as an excuse not to engage in hospitality of any kind.

But, when we think of hospitality only this way, we actually miss out on what it's supposed to be about. It's not about how something is decorated or making things look pretty. Those things are nice, but they're not central to hospitality.

Hospitality is actually about connections and relationship. The creation of space where people are welcome as they are.

Rebekah put it this way:

"Creating a sustainable culture of hospitality requires casual frequency, getting together often, coming as you are, hosting as you are."

It's when we approach hospitality this way that we create the space for connection to happen. And it gives all of us permission to practice hospitality exactly as we are. Yes, some will have beautiful decor or place settings as part of it. But, others of us won't. And it's all okay.

The more I've thought about hospitality since I read this chapter, the more I've realized it's not even really about the physical space we create. The words of a speaker at a chapel at work a couple months ago capture for me what I'm beginning to see is what hospitality is all about. That speaker, the director of a local recovery ministry, put it this way:

"Hospitality is not to change people, but to off people space to change."

If I approach hospitality from that mindset, the more easily I embrace it. I invite people into space I've created, whether in my home, in my office at work, over a table in a coffee shop. I come as I am and I invite them to come as they are. Together, in that space, something beautiful can happen.

How are you doing at hospitality?

Where does your understanding of hospitality need to change?

Learning to Rest

When was the last time you rested?

I'm not talking so much about when you to bed each night. I'm talking about rest from the busy-ness of life. I'm talking about intentionally created space in your calendar to rest.

Rest is the first of the rhythms for life Rebekah Lyons talks about in her (soon to be released) book Rhythms of Renewal. While the entire book was full of good stuff, this section was the most challenging for me.

As much as I know is my head how important rest is, I don't often do a good job of living this out. Even as I read through the chapters in this section, full of practical suggestions that seem easy on paper, I knew how much I struggle with this one.

As I started reading the beginning of this section on  rest, I knew it was something I need to learn and practice more of in my life. And Rebekah's words reminded me of why it's important:

"Rest precedes blessing. We don't have to run to earn rest; we run fueled by a posture of rest."

Our fuel for all we do comes from rest. Rest has to come first.

One of the things Rebekah talks about in this section is the idea of Sabbath. It's really easy to write Sabbath off as an Old Testament practice that we don't need anymore. But, I think we miss out on something when we do that.

Yes, Sabbath was part of God's Law with Israel in the Old Testament, but it wasn't limited to that. We actually see the first example of Sabbath in the creation story in Genesis 1. After creating for six days, God rested on the seventh day. God did include Sabbath in His covenant with Israel, but it appears to me that Sabbath goes beyond that too.

So, why do we need Sabbath today?

I appreciated the words Rebekah wrote on it:

"Your value as a human being isn't found in what you produce; it's found in who you are in Christ - a person designed in the image of God to glorify him forever. From the beginning, God designed his creation to be more abundant, fulfilled, and joyful when we work from a place of rest and renewal."

When we create space for Sabbath, we're able to live from this. And it changes everything.

"When we intentionally Sabbath - stop striving so much - we create space for healing, wholeness, and refreshment. It's a truth built into the design of things."

Without this space, we miss out on much. And we don't do well at allowing God to work in us. We have to prove our worth by what we do.

"Our worth is found in the God who loves us, who created rest for our good."

So, if it's for our good, why do we avoid it?

Sometimes it's because we've bought the lies of our culture that we can't rest and that our worth comes from what we do. Sometimes it's because we're afraid of what we might realize if we stop. Sometimes it's because we're not sure how to stop.

But, as I reflected on it for myself, I realized another reason. Sometimes we see it as a legalistic practice we want to avoid.

Growing up, there was a family across the street that spent a lot of time with because the kids were same ages as my sisters and I. We had a lot of fun together and the rules for what was allowed and not allowed were very much the same. The noticeable differences in our families came on Saturdays. That was the one day of the week we didn't spend much, if any, time with them.

The family was Seventh-Day Adventist and Saturdays were a Sabbath for them. Growing up, all my childhood brain saw was a long list of things my friends weren't allowed to do that day - no jumping on the trampoline, no riding bikes, no street hockey or basketball, no TV or movies, no card games, and only certain board games were okay.

For a long time, that my association with Sabbath. It was just a list of things not allowed that made the day really boring. So, when people talked about our need for Sabbath, I resisted it. My understanding of what Sabbath actually is had to be changed.

What comes to mind when you think of Sabbath?

Are there ways it needs to change?

When is the last time you had a Sabbath in your life?

What would it look like for you to have Sabbath in your life?

The Danger of Labels Becoming Indentity

Labels are everywhere in our society. We use them to categorize jobs, places, experiences, things, people. It's that last one that I think often gets us into trouble.

We label people. And we end up doing more harm than good. People are more than whatever label we try to give them. I think we know this, but that doesn't change how easy it is for us to label people.

But, I think there's a place where we can do even greater harm with our labeling.

As part of the launch team for Rebekah Lyon's new book, Rhythms of Renewal, which will come out on October 1, I just finished reading the book. So much of what I read resonated with me and challenged me. Over the next few weeks before the books is released, I'm going to share a bit about the book and how it challenged me. I think the message of the book is a needed one and I'm excited about it being made available.

It's from this book that I was challenged in this area where our labeling does great harm. One of her chapters is on labels, and Rebekah writes:

"The problem is, when we use of these labels to describe us, they often give us our deepest sense of identity. We believe the lie that the label defines us. We shift from believing a particular label is something we face to believing it's something we are."

When I first read those words, I had to stop and read them again . . . and again . . . and again. The realization of how true they are hit me hard.

I do it all the time. I label myself as single. I label myself as my anxiety disorder. Rarely are these labels positive. They almost always describe things about myself in the worst possible way. And they become my identity.

But, I'm learning that I don't have to let those labels become my identity. Yes, I'm single, but that's not everything about me. Yes, I have an anxiety disorder, but that's far from the only thing true about me.

We have to learn our identity from something or somewhere other than the labels we've given ourselves or have accepted that others gave us. This is how we really learn to live.

A little bit later in the same chapter, Rebekah goes on to say:

"When we don't view our identity through a label, we're able to find ways to thrive in spite of whatever label we're living under."

Because our labels are so often used to limit us, they hold us back. But, when we find our identity where we should, in God, everything changes. To quote Rebekah one more time:

"When our identity is found in who God says we are rather than in our highs and lows, our successes and failures, our desires, affections, or shortcoming, we experience the freedom we were meant to enjoy."

Freedom comes when we find our identity in God and nothing else. Then we experience the life Jesus said He came to bring us in John 10:10.

This is something I've learned and am still learning.

When I allow my anxiety disorder to become my identity, I'm held back by it. I've limited by the box I put myself in. But, when my identity is found in who God says I am, the anxiety disorder I have is not the focus and I can all sorts of things and experience a life the label of anxiety disorder as my identity prevent.

What are the labels you've placed on yourself that have become your identity?

What does God say about your identity?

What would change about your life if you lived out of your identity from God rather than your labels?

Conversations We Don't Know We Needed to Have

Have you ever had a conversation that you didn't even realize was important for you at this time?

Have you ever had a conversation where you need to explain less about something because the other person has a better understanding of what you're talking about then some other people you have similar conversations with?

I recently had one of those conversations with a friend I hadn't seen in a while. It wasn't planned. We didn't say this was exactly what we would talk about when we got together. But, as we talked, our conversation naturally went in that direction for a while. And it was exactly what I needed, that I didn't know I needed. I needed to be able to talk about it with someone who gets it. I only realized it as I drive home that evening.

In our world of instant messages, blogs, and social media, I think we often miss out on these conversations. This topic likely wouldn't have come up if we hadn't been sitting in the same space seeing each other. It wasn't a conversation that could happen in a hurry.

I've written about the topic here a lot in the last few months. And while it's been helpful to write about it here, there was still something about being able to talk about it with someone who is living it too. And it was needed.

In the time since this conversation, I've been reflecting on our need to create space for these types of conversations. Conversations where we put down our phones. Where we sit in the same space as another person. Where we move beyond the more surface-y stuff, that's not bad but can't be where we always stay, and talk about the reality of what life is really like.

We need these conversations with people whose life experience and circumstance is similar to ours. And with people whose life experience and circumstance is different than ours.

How are you creating space for these types of conversations in your life?