What do we do about Loneliness? What is the Solution?

Friendship.

As my series this fall on loneliness finished up, I knew that what needed to come next was a discussion of friendship and community. If we're going to deal with the loneliness epidemic in our culture, then real friendship and community is the only solution.

But, even as I knew this, I felt completely unqualified to write anything on the topic. Most of the time I'm not sure I'm qualified to write on what I talk about on my blog, but this topic leaves me feeling even more unqualified than usual.

The question I've asked myself is: What does an introvert with social anxiety disorder possibly have to say about friendship and community that can help anyone? Especially one who has often struggled with friendship and not done well in this area.

But, if I've learned one thing over the time of writing this blog, it's that most of what I write teaches me something in the process of writing it. That seems to be why I write anything - to learn it myself.

So, I guess this is my invitation to join me in this. I don't promise to have all the answers or to be able to tell you exactly what the solution looks like in practical ways. But, about loneliness and not also talk about friendship and community.

Many of the books I've read on singleness in the last year, talk quite extensively about this topic, because it's important, for all, but I would argue especially for those of us who are single. As a single adult, I have to be that much more intentional about friendship and community. It is appallingly easy to go through an entire week without seeing or talking to anyone but co-workers about work. Or to go an entire weekend without seeing or talking to anyone.

I've had many people tell me I'm lucky that I can do that, or that it's a good thing. And, I do need time alone, but that I can isolate myself from others so easily is not a good thing. And when it happens, I pay a price and so does anyone who does that.

Friendship and community doesn't mean we're never alone. But, when we can disappear and it's not noticed, we have a big problem. And it's a contributor to our culture's loneliness epidemic.

Sam Allberry puts it this way in his book 7 Myths About Singleness:

"The sad reality is that there is now an appalling paucity of friendship in many of our churches. FOr our Western Culture, and, sadly, for much of our church culture as well, friendship is largely dispensible. When it comes to intimacy, our focus is on the romantic and the marital. But this is all a far cry from what the Bible has in mind when it talks about friendship."

I wrote in fall about intimacy and ho we've forgotten what it actually is. (Find the post here.)

I think in many ways, we need to grasp a better understanding of intimacy to see friendship as the solution to the loneliness epidemic.

"Our society, including the evangelical church, struggles to imagine a relationship that is intimate, fulfilling, and committed yet is not the result of striving toward a sexual union. Because of this, both the idea and the practice of friendship are under assault." (Christina S. Hitchcock, The Significance of Singleness)

So, we need to change this, but how?

That's what I want to explore.

I know I've painted a bit of a dismal picture in this post and I'm going to leave it that way this time. But, there is hope to come. Stay tuned.