After weeks of being limited to only those we live with, most of us are beginning to see opportunity to slowly and carefully begin to expand our circles again.
We need this. And we're looking forward to it.
But, even as I look forward to this, I'm also struggling with what has seemed to become an unintended reality of what it may look like.
While the terminology used has been varied depending on who has made the announcement, the point has been that this expansion of circles needs to be done slowly and carefully. And from the conversations I've had and the comments I've read in various places, the understanding of how to do this is just as varied.
One of the most prevalent thoughts I've read has been about this meaning we need to choose one and only one family to add right now. And I understand the thinking about it. Another family, means there are adults for the parents to visit with and kids for the kids to do stuff with. In lots of ways it makes sense.
This is where I'm struggling though. It leaves me wondering where I fit? Where does a single person fit in this expansion of people's circles if it's all focused on families, and having two families that spend time together now?
Here's the thing . . . these last two months, I have spent more time alone than most who are not single. Yes, I know you were at home too. I know you have significant changes in your world. And you've had extensive time with just your family.
But, here's the big difference . . . it was you and your family in your house.
For me . . . in my house, it's been just me. Yes, I went to work - to work in an office by myself most of the time. Then I came home and spent evenings and weekends sitting in my house by myself.
So, forgive me if I'm a little frustrated by all the talk of just making things two families doing things together now. If that's the way we move forward, then this change means absolutely nothing for me. It still means I'm sitting at home alone all the time. It still means the need for community that God has given me is being ignored.
In response, I've had some people tell me that the people I add need to be my family. But, that kind of feels like a double standard. Why does the couple who is married with kids get to add people who aren't family to their circle and I don't?
If the only people you're going to add to your circle right now are your parents and your siblings, then maybe that comment is valid. But, if you're adding friends to your circle, then I'm left wondering why there's a double standard.
In fact, that kind of comment speaks right into the way we far too often treat single people as second-class citizens. There's one standard for families, and a different one for single adults - one that has different, unfair, and unrealistic standards for the single person.
That's not something I'm going to do any more. I've spent dedicated a lot of time on this blog in the last year to speaking about those thoughts, double standards, and challenges.
So, here's my plea: Don't forget the singles in your world right now.
If you stop and think about it, you'll probably be surprised by how many single people are in your world.
I know this is a time when we have to be careful and do things slowly, but don't forget the singles. Look for ways that you can safely include them in this time. Don't leave them sitting on the sidelines wondering why they still have to deal with the double standard.
Note: This is not a place to debate whether or not we should be making these changes. I will remove/edit all comments that try to take things in that direction.
