Loss in a Season of Loss

I had a much different post planned for today. One I had written, edited, and perfected to share today. But, when I went to post it, it just didn't feel like the right one to share today.

I've been thinking about some different things today. I don't know exactly where this post is going as I write it. This isn't the way I usually write what I share here. But, this feels important to share tonight.

Earlier today, I read a Facebook post that told me an extended family member had passed away. My great uncle Pete . . . or just uncle Pete, as I called him all my life. As I was blessed to have my great-grandparents alive for most of my life, my great uncles, great aunts, second cousins were part of my life growing up. 

Family holiday gatherings, important life events, and church gatherings and events over the years. All those people and all those memories. People who made my life feel that much more secure, because I knew all those people in that room for those memories cared and would be there if I needed them.

As these memories started coming up, my mind wandered to another, even closer person, it feels like I've lost in so many ways. As I sit here today, writing this, it's been just over 11 months since I last saw my Grandma. One of the many losses within this pandemic. The reality is, she was fading when I saw her last, her memory being stolen from her. Now, all these months later, it's very likely that if I see her again before she passes away, she won't know who I am. 

Physically, I drive past the home where she lives at least once a week. But it was Family Day weekend in February 2020 when I last pulled a car into the parking lot and walked through the doors, got in the elevator, and walked down the hall to her ward to find her for a visit. It's been 11 months since I leaned down over her wheelchair to give her a hug, feeling those familiar, yet weakened, arms reaching up to hug me back. Whispering the words "I love you" and hearing her whisper them back.

Another of the many losses of a pandemic. But, the family losses feel the deepest tonight. 

My next thought was to ponder where to turn. What can we do in the midst of all of this?

At church, we're nearing the end of our "21 Days of Prayer" and we've had morning and evening prayer gatherings online. As I was wondering this, I realized it was time for the evening prayer gathering, so I tuned in. And, that was reminder of where to turn.

In the midst of it all, we have a heavenly Father who is with us. Our Abba, who we can turn to and rely on. When the world around us in confusing and hard and we're facing another loss in a season that already feels full of them, we can call on Him and He is with us.

"The Father has loved us so much that we are called children of God. And we really are His children." (1 John 3:1, NCV)

"For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by Him we cry 'Abba, Father.' The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children." (Romans 8:14-16, NIV)