The Power of Simple Words

 "Do you want to sit with me?"

The friend who asked me that question likely had no idea how impactful those seven words would be.

A simple question that we would normally just assume. A simple question that we likely don't notice the significance of most of the time.

The conversation that led to that question happened in a church sanctuary before a service. In the big picture of all my years in church, there's really nothing unusual about this interaction. 

So, why was it so significant this time?

It was  reminder of the importance of the little things when it comes to making people feel included and welcomed. These very simple things can make the difference for someone in how they experience things.

Church has felt very different for many of us since coming back after COVID restrictions. And for me, this has primarily been noticed in the fact that none of the close friends I used to sit with in church are there - for many different reasons. Sitting in the same area I used to sit in now means being surrounded by people I don't know well, if at all. Their faces are beginning to become familiar, but they're still mostly people who I only know by name.

That has made it easy to feel invisible, alone.

Not because people aren't friendly, but because I feel like I don't know them and they don't know me.

It's made me a lot more conscious of how I respond to people I see at church. The things I say or don't say can have an impact on what someone's experience is. And that means it's important.

And aware of how I talk to those I know, but maybe not as well. Sometimes a simple invitation to sit together could be the difference.

That Sunday evening service when I friend, who I hadn't seen in a while, asked if I wanted to sit with her, made a difference for me. I wasn't totally sure I wanted to be there that night. I was tired . . . and I was tired of going to church and sitting alone. In seven words, my friend changed my experience that night.

And, it can be a simple choice to just make an offer to someone. We have to be intentional, but it's not always a big thing that's needed.

What are the words of invitation, welcome, care that you can offer to those you interact with through-out your day?

We Can't Do It Alone

 You can do it alone. 

You don't need anyone else. 

You everything you need to do what you want.

We hear things like this all the time. And mostly we believe them.

But, what if I told you these were lies?

The truth is:

We need each other. We can't do it alone.

I've written quite a bit about community and our need for people to walk through the good and the hard of life with. I keep coming back to it because it's so important and it goes against everything society tells us.

I think it's an even more important topic of discussion now. After the last couple of years where we were told to stay apart, we've become even better at trying to do it all on our own. We've drawn lines around ourselves in the things we believe and if someone doesn't completely agree with us, we push them away.

But, we're in a worse place because of it. We're paying a huge price because of it.

God created us to need each other as we walk through life. We don't have what we need for everything all on our own. Sometimes we need someone to be strong for us and carry us through. Sometimes we need to be strong for someone and carry them through. Sometimes no one will be strong and we just to know we have someone else who knows the struggle to stumble through it all with.

I was reminded of how important being together and how healing it is a week and a half ago. We were finally able to gather and have a Celebration of Life for my Grandma, after almost 11 months of waiting. As the family and close friends began to arrive, there were two thoughts in my head. The first was how good it was to see everyone and be together. The second was how something that used to feel so normal now felt strange. After a couple years of not being able to be together, it felt strange.

As we remembered, shared, talked, cried, and laughed together, something that happened that hadn't yet. Although we'd all said our goodbyes to my Grandma in some way over the last 11 months, there was something about saying goodbye together that we needed.

As I looked at the tables full of family, I knew this was a group that has laughed and enjoyed time together. But, also strongly disagreed and fought with each other over the years. That's what community is though, and you choose to stay together anyways. You love each other and show up for each other. You fight and you disagree with each other and you still show up for each other and love each other.

This is how we were created to live life. And we need to learn how to do it better again. It will take work. It will take intentionality.

But, we don't have a choice if we're going to live the lives God created us to live.

Memories of my Grandma

 Today - almost 11 months after she passed away - we had the Celebration of Life for my Grandma. It was so good to be together after so long of not being able to do. And I didn't realize how necessary this step was in the journey of saying good-bye.

I was asked to share, alongside a couple of my cousins, memories of Grandma. As I wrote, I figured it would be easier to share the memories now since so much time had passed, but as I started, I realized that the memories still touched me more than I thought they would. 

Here is what I shared, or at least intended to share today - I'm not sure that I actually was able to read everything that was written when I got to that moment.

"There's not a day goes by that I don't see you;

You live on in all the better parts of me."

Those are a couple of lines from the song "Scars in Heaven" by Casting Crowns. I listened to that song a lot in the months after Grandma passed away. And as I sat down to write the memories about Grandma I wanted to share, those words came to mind again. Over the last 11 months, I've had many times when the words of wisdom, encouragement, and love Grandma shared with me over the years have continued to have an influence on my life.

As I talked to my sisters about our memories of Grandma, one of the first things that came up for us was our memories of sick days at Grandma's. If we woke up sick one morning, or got sick at school, we always hoped Mom was busy, because it means we got to go to Grandma's for the day. Even when we were sick, Grandma's house was always more fund than being at home. A sick day at Grandma's usually meant sitting in their ricking chars, eating cookies, and watching TV together.

A lot of our memories of Grandma are around their house on Green Bay. Summers at the beach, holiday family gatherings, and any other reason we found to get together.

Helping make "Grandma buns" - as we called them. Nothing tasted better that Grandma buns with homemade strawberry freezer jam.

Making roll kuchen and eating it watermelon outside. The important question was always the ratio of watermelon slices to roll kuchen we were allowed. It usually felt like too much watermelon, but Grandma would hold firm on the number.

Another memory is singing together with Grandma. More often than not, Grandma would start us off singing The Doxology for grace when we gathered for a holiday meal or special occasions. And Christmas gatherings always included singing some carols while Grandma played the piano.

For me, another memory of Grandma is the many hours spent on the golf course with Grandma, and Grandpa too. Depending on who was picking you up, changed what time you actually had to be ready to go. If Grandma and Grandpa were both coming, they'd be on time for what they told you; if it was just Grandpa, you needed to be ready early; if it was just Grandma, you had an extra 5-10 minutes to get ready. But, my favourite part of that wasn't the golfing; it was the conversations that happened while we golfed. Grandma always shares wisdom and encouragement and pointed me to God in those hours together.

When I went away to Briercrest for school, Grandma made it worthwhile to get a mailbox of my own in town. At least every couple of weeks, sometimes more often, I would find an envelope with Grandma's familiar handwriting on it. It would be filled with stories of what was going on in her life and Grandpa's - a connection to home that I was grateful for. I was really bad at writing back, and even worse at phoning, but the letters from Grandma kept coming as long as I was away.

Grandma always liked to have fun. Even though she always looked put together and proper when we were out, she was always up for having fun. That was something that stayed, even as her mobility was slowly stolen by Parkinson's disease. One of my favourite memories of that includes my niece. Grandma and Grandpa were at my parent's house for a meal. While we were waiting for the food to be ready, Grandma was playing with my niece. They were laughing and enjoying being together, while, much to my Mom's chagrin, they tossed a decorative whicker ball my Mom had in the living room back and forth. Grandma using a paper plate to catch and throw it. 

As I talked to my sisters about our memories of Grandma, the theme that kept coming up in all of them was that she was there. We could count on that. Whether we were sick as kids and Mom was busy, or we had something special happening, or we just needed somewhere to go on a Friday night, Grandma was there and she was always praying for us.

It May be Late, But it's Still Important

 It's been 10 - 1/2 months since my Grandma passed away. As I write this, we're close to having a Celebration of Life for her. The time has come when we can do this finally - after months of not being able to have it.

It started with a conversation about whether we should still do it. Had it been too long? Do we need to? Would people still come? Or had everyone moved past that?

In the end, we decided it was still important and something we should go. After 10 - 1/2 months of saying good-bye, mostly alone or with our closest family members, it's time to gather as those who loved my Grandma - family and friends - to say good-bye together. To remember my Grandma for who she was and how she touched our lives.

While the planning and preparation has brought the sadness and pain over losing her to the surface again, I feel like it's also made me realize how important those things are. God created us to walk through everything in life together and we had missed this part of the journey so far.

It's made me reflect on how many things like this we've missed over the last couple years. And how much we need to make time for them now. Not just the good-byes, the funerals, we've missed. But, also the milestone celebrations, the weddings, the parties. They're important and we need to acknowledge them.

So many things feel incomplete, or missing. All that has gone in our world in the last couple years, has left us with so much missed. And we need to make the space for these things... even if it feels like it's a bit late compared to when we normally would.

As I've been preparing what I will share about my Grandma, about memories of her, I've found it to be another step on the grief journey. A journey I thought would be much shorter than it actually is. And, honestly, I'm looking forward to gathering with family and friends of my grandparents, many I've known for much of my life. A chance to remember someone deeply loved and missed by many.

So, my question to you today . . . what have you missed in the last couple of years that you need to plan for now?