I've spent the summer talking about things we need to stop saying. As summers draws to a close and my list of these things is all written about, I feel like it's important to take a moment to look at the other side. If we're supposed to stop saying some things, we need to have something to do or say instead. I know I wrote about that in some of the posts, but the others were more difficult.
As I wrap up this series, I'm realizing that it all comes down to actually taking time to have a real conversation and really listen to what someone is saying. So much of the time, we end up challenging situations because we're not really listening to each other.
Or, what the person is saying makes us feel uncomfortable, so we respond with a platitude hoping that will end the conversation on that topic and our discomfort with it. But, while our comment may end the discomfort, it perpetuates the pain, the struggle, and the desire to really be seen and heard by the other person.
Our culture doesn't teach us to listen well, or to engage in conversations that bring discomfort. We learn how to distract ourselves and disengage from these conversations. But, that actually is why there are so many thing we need to stop saying. We only sort of listen most of the time and get in trouble because of what we miss.
Ultimately, we need to take the time to actually pay attention to the other person in the conversation. Instead of looking for a quick response and a way out of a conversation that might be somewhat uncomfortable for us, we need to take the time to have a real conversation. To really listen. To ask questions to understand more. To care about the other person in the conversation.
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