It's More than You Think

 Maybe you're like I was when I first heard of spiritual trauma. Your mind automatically goes to the accounts of sexual abuse, of financial control, of other quite extreme and obvious examples.

But, what if I was to tell you that's often much more subtle? That it often occurs in ways that don't look like they have any issues on the surface?

". . . there are these gross injustices that happen in some spiritual contexts, but all about how some communities or faiths seem to take a clear preference for personality structures. There are the obviously overt traumas, and then there are these more subtle ways of preferencing people and making other people feel inferior." (Dr. Hillary McBride, Holy/Hurt Podcast, Episode 8: Unsettling Ourselves)

I think we miss the prevalence of spiritual trauma and the seriousness of the problem because we relegate it to the big, horrific events. And, in doing so, we don't realize how much it happens in much smaller ways that are repeated over and over again.

At the risk of over-simplifying it, let me ask you this: How many times have you been in a church group and there is an expectation of your spiritual maturity being shown by the way you participate in the discussion or pray out loud during prayer time?

This is often unspoken. But if you're quieter in a group, you feel it. The looks from others. The silence once everyone else ahs spoken while everyone waits for you to finally pray.

The outcome of this experience for the individual depends on the supports and safe places a person has. If there are people who respect and understand the individual, then those group experiences may be little more than temporary uncomfortable moments. 

But, if they happen often enough or they're the only experiences we have, they have a much bigger impact and could become a form of spiritual trauma.

If those are things that can become spiritual trauma for someone, then it's more prevalent than we may think at first. And it means, it's even more important that we work to understand it.

Community is Part of Healing

 ". . . the healing of trauma cannot happen without the presence of connection." (Dr. Hillary McBride, Holy/Hurt Podcast, Episode 6: Seeing & Believing)

As much as people are the source of spiritual trauma, we need people in the healing of it. This isn't easy. When people have caused our pain, we want to hide and put wall up to protect ourselves.

"The experience of being witnessed, as it turns out, is foundational to our ability to heal. We are relational. Our pain needs to be held tenderly as we speak truthfully about it. And whether we tell the story or not, or the people around us know what to do with this information or not, we all deserve spaces where we are felt, known, and trust that we are believed, even if we choose not to share." (Dr. Hillary McBride, Holy/Hurt Podcast, Episode 6: Seeing & Believing)

We don't share the story with just anyone or with everyone. We won't share the story with most people. But the community, whether inside or outside of the church, that we are surrounded with is central to healing spiritual trauma.

The pain needs to be witnessed when it is share, in whatever form that is. And, the love and support of others is needed as new ways of thinking and living are learned.

Like so much in our lives, we weren't made to and we can't get through it all on our own. We need safe people walking with us though all of it.

We Have to Break the Silence

 So much of the hurt that happens in religious contexts is kept quiet. We feel like we can't or shouldn't say anything about it - often because of exactly the teachings that brought us the pain in the first place that told us we had to keep it quiet.

"Our wounds, whatever they are, are made more powerful by the silence around them, voicelessness, at times the fear of disruption, or the internalized silencing of our voices being trapped by those with the most power, telling us not to trust what our pain told us. The naming of what has hurt us, is the very undoing of the cloak of invisibility that keeps the pain stuck. And this - the naming, the unveiling, the 'unsettling truth' as Mark Charles calls it - as painful as it is, this is central to how we heal our spiritual trauma." (Dr. Hillary McBride, Holy/Hurt Podcast, Episode 1: The House is Haunted)

I think this may be the hardest part at times. Putting words to the pain. Admitting it out loud.

But it's important and needed.

And it often just affirms what our bodies are already telling us.

"Our bodies always tells the truth. Even if we find a way to cover it up at first, the story always comes out - if not in our thoughts, or in our relationships, then always in our bodies." (Dr. Hillary McBride, Holy/Hurt Podcast, Episode 1: The House is Haunted)

But, in our silence, we've also been taught to mistrust our bodies. So we ignore what they're trying to tell us.

The healing that comes when we begin to break the silence with safe people in safe places is significant.

So, the silence must be broken. We cannot continue to live in silence about the pain that many are living with.

Even if it starts with faltering words, with unclear thoughts. As the silence is broken, healing can begin.

What is Spiritual Trauma?

 I think this question is the most important place we can begin. It's where I started my journey.

But it's also something that didn't have a simple definition, because there's not a clear, specific line that can be drawn. As I've discovered, what is a traumatic experience for one person may not be in the same way for someone else. And how traumatic an experience is can depend to a large degree on the support and reactions of others someone receives before, during, and after the experience.

Here is the best definition of spiritual trauma I found in my study:

"Spiritual trauma is described as being negatively impacted by religious teachings or ideologies. Trauma may stem from the broader faith system, such as various beliefs or ideologies. Spiritual trauma can also come from an individual within your local faith-based community, such as religious leader or a small group of people." (insessionpsych.com "What is Spiritual Trauma & How Does It Impact Me?")

As I think more about this, I begin to see the ways and places that can happen without it being intentional. In our desire to live lives of faith that are honouring to God, we make things into imperatives - things we must do - to belong, to show our obedience. And we put those who don't into categories of less than as believers, or even as outsiders until they begin to live up to our imperatives.

Let me be abundantly clear: I'm not saying that Scripture doesn't have clear teaching on how we are to live. It does and we respond to God's incredible love for us by living the way His Word outlines.

But, we get it wrong when we make these teachings about how to live and keeping them completely the mark of belonging. And shame and judge and exclude those who don't. We don't earn our standing before God or His love for us; we receive it as a gift.