In a conversation I was a part of recently there was an assumption made that caught me off guard. I was surprised because it was over something where I never would have thought being single made a difference.
And the more I've thought about it since then, the more I've come to the conclusion that my status as a single actually has no bearing on this particular thing. It isn't part of the equation here.
The fact that it was brought up at all is a reflection of how dangerous making assumptions is and of the ways we continue to misunderstand singles in some places.
Let me start with the specific situation this relates to. A group of us were having a conversation and somehow got on the optic of kitchen size. I made a comment about my kitchen being small, not having a lot of counter space. The response I received was that it was okay that my kitchen was small because I was single.
I was just so surprised at the time that I said nothing in response. But, as I've thought about it since, I've figured out how I would respond in the future to a similar comment.
Only from the perspective of the number of people being in space does my being single matter. There's rarely more than just me in my kitchen.
But, it stops there. Whether there's one person or three people in my kitchen, the fact is that you quickly run out of counter space when you're cooking. Cooking for one person doesn't mean I don't need space for a cutting board to chop veggies or meat, somewhere to put the dishes as I use them to prep, and all the other things that take up space when you cook. That still takes up the same amount of space.
That is just an example of a situation where an assumption was made based on my status as single. In the grand scheme of things, a fairly harmless one. I was left a little bothered, but it didn't impact my life in big ways.
But, it does highlight a danger that comes with making assumptions. It's easy to make assumptions based on our limited understanding of a situation, or the first thoughts that come to mind. But, we often either don't have all the information about something or we haven't walked through the implications of the our assumption when we make it. The can be incredibly hurtful to the person we make our assumption known to.
We have to learn to change this. We have to take the time to check our assumptions before we move forward with them. And that takes time and intentionality.
To go back to the conversation that referenced this:
I know for sure that with more people more space in the kitchen is required. I cook most major holiday meals in my Mom's kitchen, which is quite a bit bigger than mine. There's definitely space to have 2 or 3 of us in in.
And, the one time that Thanksgiving dinner had to be moved to my house, it truly was a challenge to make it there. Even though the change also meant fewer people for the meal, we had slow cookers on the floor because there was no where else to put them.
So, in that conversation where I said my kitchen was small, how could things have proceeded differently without assumptions being made?
Just acknowledging that my kitchen is small. Maybe a comment that they couldn't imagine trying to cook with someone else in it. The most important part being no reference to me being singles as making it okay.
Even beyond someone's marital or family status this applies. This is just the example I have to share.
Where do you tend to make assumptions?
How can you do a better job of checking them before you state a potentially hurtful assumption?
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