Singles Ministries Cannot be Just About Getting Them Ready for Marriage

 I saw a post on Instagram recently that frustrated me. The post talked about how singles ministry should focus on getting singles healthy mentally, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually so they would be ready for marriages that are healthy.

When I read the first part, I agreed wholeheartedly. But, I quickly became frustrated by the reason given for why. Likely unintentionally, the post's author said that marriage should be the end goal for someone who is single, and that the worth of a single person comes from them focusing on being ready for marriage.

This was frustrating to read, and hurtful as a single adult in the church.

Let me start with a few questions for you to think about:

What are the five most important things you would want someone to know about you?

What do they say about who you are?

What do they reveal about what you value?

If you're married, then likely that would be one of the things on your list, but it's not the only thing.

If you're single that fact may or may not be on your list - depending on your experiences with telling people that.

Too often in the church, we have adopted the mindset that singleness is a problem to be solved. Whether we realize it or not, the language we use reveals this. In doing so, we limit the identity of a single adult to one thing - in a way that we don't for those who are married.

Your list of five things you would want someone to know about you likely includes a variety of information about who and what you value - whether you're married or single. If someone decided that married was the only thing that mattered about you and that it was a problem to be solved, you'd likely feel confined, seen as less than, under-valued.

But, we do that all the time to singles when we see singleness as a temporary situation or a problem to be solved. This is where the Instagram post I saw got it wrong.

Singles ministries in churches should be about helping singles become healthier mentally, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually so they can live the abundant life Jesus offers. 

As soon as the focus becomes getting singles ready for marriage, we miss out on what God says about single adults as people. We need to see people for all of who they are, not just one thing that is part of them.