So, just a few hours into the year 2010 and I really should be sleeping, but I feel like sleep is still a long way off for me. I have far too much going through my head right now.
I've been thinking a lot about the past year - what it brought in my life. The events - both good and bad. The people and relationships that changed. The lessons that God tried to teach me. The lessons that God tried to teach me that I actually paid attention to and sought to learn. The lessons that God tried to teach me that I really didn't want to learn and resisted learning (those ones will be coming back again and again until I learn them, so maybe that would be the best choice).
I've also been thinking a lot about this year that has just begun. It always seems like there is so much opportunity and so much to do at the beginning of each new year, but then as time races by I sometimes wonder if I'm missing some of what I could be doing because I'm being lazy or I'm tired or I'm scared or I'm not paying attention.
Yet, I'm beginning to realize that what matters most is that I'm open and responsive to what God has for me to do. No matter what my plans, thoughts, dreams are for the next year they pale in comparision to what God could and wants to do through me. Not that my plans, thoughts, dreams aren't good, or that I won't get to do some of them this year, just a reminder to myself that if they don't all happen because of what God has for me, that's for my good. Doing something specific God has for me will always be of greater benefit and good for me and others, than doing what my plans are.
This isn't something I do well. I like to have the next few years planned out exactly as they will happen well in advance. And then I don't want them to be changed. But, I'm discovering that, while God may choose to work that way sometimes, He may also change things in the middle and ask me to do soemthing that wasn't in the plan. And it's in those times that I have to make a choice to follow in obedience rather than stay put in the "plan" in my stubbornness.
As I look forward to this new year, I think I'm mostly excited for what may come. Right now I have no idea what it may hold. I have things I hope will be a part of this year and goals to work towards. But, mostly, I'm learning to follow God in obedience wherever He may lead - even if it is off the track that I had planned to follow. Whose up for joining me in that challenge this year?