As I was standing in my local Christian bookstore recently, I was struck by what I saw on the shelf. When I scanned my eyes across the shelves looking at the names of the sections for books. I was struck by the space was divided.
There was a startling contrast in the amount of space give to different topics. Some of the sections were quite large and general to most people who would be looking for a book - Christian living, devotionals, various types of fiction, etc. But that wasn't the part that caught my eye.
As I continued to look at the shelves, I saw sections labelled men's issue, women's issues, parenting, marriage, singles, and possibly a few others I've forgotten. Some had much space on the shelves, some had little. The section on marriage had more than a shelf, while the section for singles had only a few books - the label took up more space than the books. Half the books in that section were actually on dating and preparing for marriage while you're single. A closer look at the section on women's issues revealed that at least two-thirds of the books there were on being a wife or a mother.
That disparity struck me as picture of how it can feel to be a single person in the church. There are times when there is so much focus on marriage and being a good spouse and/or parent, that if you're single and have no kids, it can be easy to feel left out.
Before you say my example from the Christian bookstore is not a great picture because that's just what has been written, but let me tell you that is simply not true. A look at what I have on my bookshelf at home would tell you that. But, I've had to look long and hard for those books that aren't about dating or preparing for marriage. Often purchasing them with little more information about them than the title and the topic. And they're mostly good books, that need to be better available to the entire church - whether single or married.
When I look around at who is gathered at the service I attend at my church on any given weekend, I see a much larger number of single adults past college-age than I think many people realize. Some are single by choice, while others would rather be married and have families of their own. Some have been married and aren't anymore, while others have never been married.
Yes, we live in a society where marriage and family are under attack and we absolutely need to support marriages and families in our churches. We should want them to thrive. We should be providing resources and support there.
But, I also think the way we approach singleness needs to be changed. There is a problem when the only time we talk about singleness is in regards to preparing for marriage.At this point in my life, although I still very much desire to be married, I want to live a full and God-honouring life while I'm single. I can't just focus all my time on preparing for a marriage that may or may not happen for me.
God doesn't promise any of us marriage in Scripture. But when everything (or, at least most things) we offer for singles is about preparing for marriage, it implies that we believe everyone will get married one day. This is harmful for individuals and the church as a whole.
As I've tried to figure out how to end this post and sum up what I've been trying to say, I've been drawn back to a book on this topic I just finished reading. As with most books I read, there are parts of this book I agree with and parts I don't. But, when it comes to the topic of this post, I feel like the author sum it up well.
The book is called Party of One: Truth. Longing, and the Subtle Art of Singleness by Joy Beth Smith.
"The problem with viewing singleness as a season is that we relegate our time here to something to be endured, not celebrate. . . . singleness is not a season with a guaranteed end in this life. And we can't spend our days trying to wait it out, constantly looking for what we have next."
"Only in acknowledging the value of each unique path that God is mapping out, can we come to understand what it means to embrace life and live it well."
If singleness isn't just a season or a place to prepare for what we generally see as coming next, then our thinking has to change. We have to learn to celebrate life wherever we're at - and value this in the church.
No comments:
Post a Comment