Navigating Christmas Parties Alone

December is here.

And with it comes Christmas parties, family gatherings, New Year's parties, and many other gatherings. Lots of it is fun and joyful.

But, as a single adult, it also brings some different challenges, or maybe just highlights some existing challenges that seem to fade into the background the other eleven months of the year.

As I was thinking about what I was going to write about over this season, I had a lot of ideas about where I could go with things. But, the one that kept rising to the surface was talking about some of these challenges. I've been writing about singles in the church for a while, so this seemed a fitting direction to go for this Christmas season.

The first challenge I'm going to talk about . . . going alone to Christmas parties, especially work ones.

From January to November, I can go to work gatherings of all kinds on my own and it doesn't seem to be an issue. But, the work Christmas party in December always seems to be different somehow.

It starts with the invite: "You and your spouse/significant other are invited . . ." Right away, I know I'm going alone. Other work gatherings throughout the year will say: "you and a guest are invited" but not the Christmas party. For some reason this ones seems to specify couples only, so I know I'm going alone.

Then comes the arrival at the party and finding a seat. Honestly, this is my least favourite part. All the tables are set up to be filled by couples with an even number of seats, so when I take a seat I'm messing that up. And there's always the thought in the back of my mind that worries about messing things up for the people that arrive after me. If the room is already filling up, then there can even be unspoken, yet clearly there, pressure for the single people not to take a seat until all the couples have.

And finally, there's the small talk at the table as you meet you co-worker's spouses - either for the first time or as a re-introduction. Answering the question of whether you're with someone or not endlessly, or at least it feels like it's endlessly. We identify ourselves by this questions so often we ask it of most people we meet and have any length of conversation with. There's nothing wrong this question, but it does somehow feel more painful to answer at a Christmas party than at other social gatherings.

Now we've made it to dinner and hopefully most or all of the awkwardness of going single to the work Christmas party is over. Although I have been in situations where it's not yet over - thankfully those times are quite rare.

So, how can single people prepare for going alone to the work Christmas party?

Be honest with yourself about you feel. Then choose to go and have a good time no matter what.

How can everyone at a Christmas party make it less awkward for those coming alone?

The first and probably the one thing that makes a big difference: If at all possible, don't set up the room so that all the tables have exactly the same number of seats at them with just barely enough seats for everyone. Leave space for those coming alone to not worry they're making a couple sit separated from one another when they choose their seat.

Second, when your co-worker who is coming alone joins your table, make the conversation about more than just marriage and include them in the conversation intentionally.

Finally, if you're involved in planning activities or games for the party, please avoid things that put people into couples for it. Even if I'm with another single co-worker and we pair up for it, it's still going to obvious that we're not a couple. Yes, I've had this one happen once. After a few minutes, there was an exodus of those who were single from the room - and it felt like no one noticed us.

It really comes down to something I've said often in my recent posts, it's about having grace for one another on both sides and seeking to understand as best you can.