Last week I started a post answering the question I've been asked about why I've chosen to stay at a specific church, when those I call my closest friends have moved elsewhere for a variety of reasons.
I started by talking about Scripture encourages us to keep meeting together and assumes we are. Being part of a church doesn't seem optional. We need the diverse community to live the lives that God calls us to. You can read it here.
Before I go on in the post, I'm going to repeat some of what I said in part one. I am not writing to tell anyone else exactly how they should think or what they should do. I am answering the question of why I chose to stay when it seems to appear easier to start going elsewhere, at least on the surface. I acknowledge that some who make the decision to leave have very valid reasons why they choose to do so and I won't tell them they're wrong because of it.
Throughout the New Testament, we're referred to as the family of God and the body of Christ. Both of those things point to us being a part of something bigger than just us. Now, some will point to those as referring to the church worldwide and I agree. But, I also think when we look at the detail written in Scripture of what that looks like in practice, it points to a local gathering of believers. That's the place where we use our gifts to serve others and the world around us.
In our society, we've made it easy or normal to leave your family behind or stop seeing people in your family because you disagree or got hurt. But, in doing so, we've cheapened God's design. And we know it. We know when we have those experiences with family that come up as enjoyable - or with a group of people who are like family.
But, with family also comes disagreements, arguments, differing views, and sometimes we hurt each other. Family is supposed to work through those things when they happen. Unless it's actually dangerous to stay, the best would be for family to work through whatever comes up.
If we do this with our biological families, why would we not also do it with our church family?
We may not completely agree with each other on everything, but if it's not about the core things of our faith, I think that's okay.
It means we have to be willing to forgive, to let God heal our pain. But, I believe it's the best way forward.
If I don't leave my family for good because I got hurt in a disagreement or argument, then why would I do it with my church family?
I don't say this lightly. I've lived this one. While I don't feel this is the place to share all the details, I will say that about 15 years ago, I walked through an experience at church where I was left hurt and feeling betrayed by some in leadership roles. Instead of valued, I felt ignored and like I wasn't an important part of the family, as did many of my friends.
I chose to stay and work through the pain. I kept showing up and staying involved, even when it hurt. And I slowly found healing and was able to forgive those who had hurt me. I'm not sure that in my experience, I would have come to a place of forgiveness and healing if I had left instead. That would have made it easy to place blame on others and put up fake walls of being okay. And I could still be living that.
By choosing to stay then, I know the good that ultimately happened and I believe that is the best outcome always. It took time to deal with everything that came along with that hurt. I couldn't deal with it all at once. I had to be willing to keep working through the hurt and the feelings of betrayal.
I won't say that everyone should stay in every situation. There are definitely situations where the best choice for healing and for all is to leave. But, I do wonder if we make the choice too easily sometimes.
So, that's my answer to why I stay, even when it seems like it might be easier to go elsewhere.
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