Change in Friendships

 I've been thinking a lot lately about how friendships change over time. They change in many different ways. And lots of the time, that change is a good thing. It means we're not staying stuck with no growth as individuals.

This has been on my mind because of a message I got from a friend recently. She was sharing some exciting news for her, and I was genuinely excited for her and with her. At the same time, I knew this news would bring a change in our friendship.

It's a situation I've found myself in many times. This mixture of excitement for a friend and some sort of grief over what is lost. It's always a challenging thing to walk through.

This friend and I have both been single for a longer than either of us thought. We've talked about it. We've celebrated and encouraged each other as we've sought to live full lives in the midst of circumstances we didn't plan on. And there's been an understanding that many of my other friends don't have about singleness.

This understanding of the reality of being single isn't going to disappear just because she's getting married. The conversations over the years don't just go away, as if they've never happened. That all remains.

But, I also know it means some things do change. The decision to go home via a two hour detour to stop for a coffee together on the way, does possibly change. There's another person to consider in that decision. 

The times we do still see each other, there's another consideration in the decision. Not that we won't see each other, but there's more to consider.

Hear me on this: I don't have a dislike for marriage. I'd actually like to be getting married myself one day. I love to celebrate all of my friends. And, I'm incredibly grateful for the married friends I have who welcome into their homes and families all the time.

But, it is different when the friendship is with another single person. There's a flexibility in things with a single friend, that just cannot factually exist when there's a spouse or kids in the mix.

For me, this is a recent example of how friendships change over time. There's other things that can bring change in friendships. 

That's when we have a choice of what we do. 

Do we keep putting effort into the friendship? Do we stay committed?

Or do we use it as a way out?

I'd say, more often than not, we need to make the choice to push through the change and hang on. We need to value each other and hold onto it.

But, that's not always what our culture tells us. When it becomes hard, our culture tells us to give up. That it's not worth the effort anymore.

But, maybe we need to choose to hold on anyways. To push through the challenge of the change and keep pursuing the friendship.