The Problem of 90s Purity Culture

 If you grew up in church youth groups in the 90s, then the title of this post tells you a lot what I'm going to talk about today. But, for those of you who don't know, I'll start with a bit of a summary.

The 90s was when the "True Love Waits" movement. complete with signing pledge cards and purity rings was in full swing. While the message of what the Bible says about how we should love with our sexuality was well-intentioned, it was carried to an extreme that caused harm and hurt to a lot of those who grew up in it.

As part of trying to get teenagers to understand what happens when you go outside of God's plan for our sexuality, the example of pulling tape apart after you stuck it together was often use. While it is true that God has good reason for the way He instructs us to handle our sexuality in Scripture, and we can live with the consequences of our choices, that example was harmful. In many cases, it left those listening feeling like they were forever damaged and unforgivable for things they had done.

Even for those who didn't cross those lines, there was hard, although it may not have been as immediately visible until into our adult years. In all the purity culture teaching of the 90s, there was an implication that if you follow God's plan for your sexuality as a teenager, God would reward you with marriage in your early twenties and great sex in your marriage. Neither of which were a guarantee or a reality for many.

What this purity culture teaching did was create a generation of people who were brought up afraid of experiencing God's judgement. And forever wondering if you've been good enough in this area. We keep quiet about our struggles in this area out of shame and fear of judgement.

And, if we haven't stayed on the path we were taught in youth group, we struggle to believe we can be forgiven for it. We live in defeat, condemnation, and judgement of ourselves.

The only way to bring healing to the spiritual trauma in this area for many of us is to acknowledge the pain, bring it out of the secret places, and let it be witnessed. Exactly what I've written about in previous posts on the topic of spiritual trauma.

But bring this into the open isn't easy when the teaching is ingrained in you causes shame if you've stumbled or struggled in this area. There's shame and a stigma that carries over. Speaking up and sharing personally, if at all, often comes in mumbled admissions, faltering words. And how others respond can begin the healing journey or further the wounding.