When You Feel Unseen

 Have you ever had an experience where you felt unseen? An experience where it seemed like you weren't noticed even though you were right there?

It's quite possible that we've all had those experiences. We've all had the experience of feeling invisible even though we were in the same space.

Sometimes this not noticing is intentional. Someone or a group are intentionally choosing to ignore us and leave us out. 

But, I would guess that a lot of the time, maybe even most of the time, it's completely unintentional. The other people weren't specifically choosing not to see you, and they would be genuinely chocked and sorry if it was pointed out to them.

Unfortunately, as a single adult in the church this seems to happen often. In the focus on supporting and strengthening marriages in a culture where marriage is under attack, single adults aren't often mentioned. And then they are, it's for single parents and those healing from divorce. That leaves a growing segment of the population in churches never mentioned or acknowledged. I don't believe this is intentional, but it is what's happening.

I was reminded of this just recently during a focused time of prayer in my church. Daily prayer prompts were sent out to all who wanted to participate. I watched the groups of people to pray for each day come to my inbox . . . kids, youth, seniors, college/university students, marriages.

After seeing all of those come, I waited to see if another would come that was for the segment of the church I fit into was going to come. But, it never did come. 

We moved on to praying for other things.

Every single prayer prompt that landed in my inbox was important. All of them were things I was happy to be reminded to pray for.

But, there was still a bit of a sting. I felt unseen in the prayer prompts. While not intentional, those prayer prompts, once again, pushed single adults to the sidelines. Unless you also fit into the categories of seniors or a college/university student, there was no mention of you.

I don't believe this was intentional. I've written before about the western evangelical church's under-developed theology of singleness (although I'm seeing more good resources written in the recent years) and I think this is a result of that. We've focused on marriage and the value placed on God's standards for marriage - which we've needed to - to the exclusion of other adult realities. Because of that, we don't know how to include single adults in our prayer prompts. In doing so, we've lost sight of a growing segment of those who make up our churches.

Maybe you're reading this, and it's something you'd never thought about before. Or maybe you're reading this and nodding along with what I've written, because you've been in this same space before.

How so we respond when we feel unseen? Whether for these reasons or others.

First, I think we have to start with reminding ourselves that we can't assume it's intentional. More than likely, it's a unintentional.

Second, don't shove down the sting of it. Allow yourself to feel it. Acknowledge what's going on for you.

Finally, we need to speak up. We need to say something. Don't stay quiet. We need the healthy conversations that come from saying something.

A God Who Abundantly Provides

 Do you struggle to trust God to provide for your needs?

Do you worry you won't have what you think you need if you leave it all to God?

It's probably safe to say that we all struggle with this at least sometimes. We're human and we don't always trust God perfectly. It's hard.

I've been reading in John 6 recently and as I did, I was struck by the way provision from God was portrayed.

This chapter starts with the familiar story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 with five loaves and two fish. We talk lots about how the small amount of food miraculously fed everyone.

But, I was struck by the words of verse 13 this time:

"So they gathered up the pieces and filled twelve baskets with the pieces left from the five barley loaves."

Not only were all the people fed and satisfied, but there was an abundance of leftovers. Jesus didn't provide just enough barely for people to not be hungry. Everyone had their fill and there were still leftovers.

A little later in the same chapter, Jesus says these words:

"I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to Me will never be hungry and whoever believes in Me will never be thirsty." (verse 35)

In these words, Jesus is offering to satisfy all the needs of the people; they just have to trust Him.

It all sounds so simple, but it's so much more difficult to live.

Why do we struggle with this?

I think it comes down to what we're looking for. We often have a pre-decided picture of what we need. We're looking only for that, and, in doing so, we miss out on everything else God may be doing to provide.

The disciples in the feeding of the 5,000 almost did. They saw only the cost of feeding everyone (verse 7) and the meager offering available (verse 9). The situation seemed impossible for them to solve. Their solution was to send the people away to find food for themselves.

But, Jesus had a different plan in mind. Jesus revealed God as the One who provides for our needs in abundance. But, the disciples had to look beyond what they expected to see it. They had to be willing to see differently.

I wonder if we need to be willing to hold our idea of what God's provision looks like with open hands. If we need to be willing to see God's abundant provision outside what we think it should look like.

Where do you need God to provide?

Are you struggling to trust Him?

Have you pre-decided what God's provision has to look like?

Are you willing to let that go?

How can you practice being open to God's provision looking different than you thought it would?

Seeing People as God Sees Them

 What do you see when you past an unhoused person in your community?

Who do you see in the people involved in the drug deal you saw happen across the parking lot?

Do you try to ignore or walk more quickly past the person doing drugs on the sidewalk?

How do you react when someone whose behaviour doesn't fall in the boxes of what's normal walks into the space you are in?

I've had a few conversations recently that made me think about questions like these. They're not easy questions to think about or answer.

We all have an initial reaction. And I would guess that for most of us, it's a pretty judgemental response. Even as someone who works at an organization where we interact with those who are unhoused, people struggling with addiction and mental health challenges, and those whose lives don't fall within society's norms, I can be pretty quickly judgemental of what I see.

But, God is gracious enough to remind me that every person I see, no matter what their life looks like has value and is loved and is far more than what others see.

He reminds me as I hand a cheque to someone I grew up with, knowing they're going to go straight to the cheque-cashing place down the block to cash it to buy drugs. The money belongs to this person, so I have to give it to them. As I do, I remember how they found the humor and made everyone laugh all the time growing up.

God reminds me as I run into someone else I grew up with and they thank me for how I handled our last interaction. The last time I saw them they were very drunk and stumbling. I didn't push them away; instead, I wrapped my arms around them in a hug as they fell towards me. They didn't remember our conversation from that day, but they remembered that I put my plans aside and grabbed a couple coffees and sat with them while we waited for a safe ride home for them.

I didn't see in the moment of these situations how God was gracious to me in them. If you'd asked me at the time, I would have told you that I wished they hadn't happened. But, in the last few years, I've become incredibly grateful for these interactions, because they've taught me a life-changing lesson.

Genesis 1:26-27 says:

"Then God said, 'Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness' . . .So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them."

All of humanity is created in the image of God. It's part of our DNA. It's part of who we are.

The fall has buried that. It's difficult to see in probably most of the people you see on a daily basis. But it changes everything when we remember that.

These two people I grew up with were created in the image of God and they're loved by God.

The person who is unhoused is created in the image of God and they're loved by God.

The people involved in the drug deal are created in the image of God and they're loved by God.

The person struggling with addiction is created in the image of God and they're loved by God.

The person whose behaviour doesn't fit in is created in the image of God and they're loved by God.

When I remind myself that every single person I see in a day is created in the image of God and loved by God, it changes my thoughts and, as a result, it changes my actions. I don't look at certain people with disgust; I see them with compassion and love, as people who are worthy of respect simply because they're people created in the image of God and loved by God. I no longer wish harsh realities or death on people.

Instead of seeing the things that are easy to judge people for, I begin to look for glimpses of who God created them to be and call them out in them- even as they struggle and circumstances may not change.

So, I leave you with the question I'm continuing to wrestle with: How would you see and treat people, who you normally judge, differently if you reminded yourself that everyone is created in the image of God and loved by God?

Sharing the Other Perspective

 I had a brief conversation with a friend recently that made me realize the need to explain things where the perspective is different. It wasn't about anything that would have a huge impact on someone's life, but it was still important.

We were talking about going to a movie. My friend made the comment that you didn't really need to book movie tickets together, because you would be watching a movie, not talking anyways. In theory, that's true. But, there's also something I realized in the moment that made her experience of going to the movies different than mine.

She made the comment under the assumption that was going with her husband, and meeting others at the movie was a nice, but not necessary thing. Not a spoken assumption, or even one she was necessarily aware of. I had a choice in that moment: I could say nothing and let it be, or I could help her see it from my perspective. This was a good friend, so I decided to say something in that conversation.

As a single person, I want to book and purchase the movie tickets together, so that we're sitting together. Even though we're not talking during the movie, it matters that I'm sitting with people I know if we talked about going to the movie together. If I book my ticket on my own, I'll likely be sitting completely alone for movie; whereas, for my friend, she's sitting with her husband.

I'm not opposed to or afraid of going to things by myself. I do it a lot. But, when I talk about doing things with someone, I want to actually sit with them. Sitting alone in a movie theater, even knowing I have friends in the theater, doesn't quite feel like what the plan was, and it can make me feel on the outside again.

I share this experience, not to talk about going to the movies, or about going to things alone. I share it to highlight how easily we can misunderstand people and take offense it we're not willing to dig deeper.

I could have said nothing and let my feelings of not being understood fester, but that wouldn't have helped me or my friend. It likely would have damaged our friendship, at least for a bit.

By saying something, our friendship gained more understanding of each other instead. I didn't belabour the point. I simply stated it and we moved on, but it was an important couple of minutes.