Monday, June 20, 2011

grad reunions and moving on

This weekend was my 10 year grad reunion. When I first got the invite I could hardly believe it had been that long already. I was not sure I wanted to go. It just seemed strange to want to go back to something that seems like another lifetime. And I had no idea if anyone I would want to see would be there.

In so many ways, it felt like we were back in high school for that night. Brief conversations with lots of people and really catching up with just a few - those people you actually hung out with most of the time in high school. I found it interesting who came and who did not. Some of the people I really wanted to see were not there and some of the people I never expected to show up were there. It was a good night no matter who was there.

Since Saturday night, I have been thinking about what I saw in different people that night. Some, it seems, were still stuck in the groups of "popular" and "not popular" from high school. And, others did not seem to care about those lines anymore. It was a good night. I ended up glad that I went.

At the time I was in high school it seemed crazy that the way things were then is not how it would be for the rest of life. The world as it was then seemed to be just fine. And yet, looking back now, the world of high school is so small and does not really reflect what the rest of the world is like.

High school was not my favourite place and so I surprised myself when I decided to go . . . by myself. I purchased that ticket without even checking to see who else would be there. And the afternoon before the reunion, I found myself facing those same insecurities that I had every day in high school.
  • Would anyone talk to me?
  • Would I have people to sit with?
  • Would I spend the entire evening alone?
I really did think I had moved on from those thoughts, but there they were right in my face again. And I almost did not go even though I had already paid for it.

As I was driving to the dinner, I realized that those insecurities may have been trying to get me, but I handled them differently this time. Instead of allowing them to push me into hiding and keep me home, I went anyways - determined to have a good time at a nice dinner, even if I decided to leave early.

And that is when I realized that sometimes our growth as a follower of Christ comes, but it does not look the way we wish it would. I thought those insecurities being gone would mean that I would never face them again, but I have realized that overcoming those insecurities makes a difference in how I respond when they surface again - not that they never surface again.

I think that is what growth looks like in much of our life as follower of Christ. Growth means we handle things differently when they surface, not that they never surface again.

What about in your life? What are those things that you really wish would never surface again - the insecurities or doubts? How have you responded in the past? Would you respond differently today? Or do you need to allow God to bring some healing and growth in that area so you can respond differently?

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