Hiding

"I'm not good at . . . "

"I'm not gifted at . . . "

"I don't do . . . "

"I'm not qualified to do . . . "

You can fill in the blank with all sorts of different things. 

The specifics are probably different for each of us. But the theme of what we're saying is the same.

We look at others and decide we don't measure up. They're better at it than us. They're more qualified than we are. They've been gifted by God for something and we haven't been.

Or, maybe, we've been silenced by the words of others. The words might have been very direct, or they might have been more subtle than that. But however they were delivered, they've had the result of silencing us and stopping us.

So we believe the lie and make excuses for why we can't or won't or shouldn't do something. We actually start to believe it. 

This has been something I've done for a lot of my life. I let past experiences and words spoken decide what I could and couldn't do. I compared myself to others and decided I didn't measure up. 

I've had to learn to believe the truth of what God says about me above anything else. To step into what He has for me, no matter what. Even when it puts me in a place where I feel vulnerable.

Being vulnerable makes us step back. It makes us hide. It reinforces our reasons why we can't and the lives we believe. But, this is exactly when we need to step into what God has for us.

I've been reading a book recently that has challenged me more in this. There's a part I read earlier today that really challenged me.

"Don't anesthetize your passion. Don't devalue the vulnerability you feel when you lead. Don't dismiss your vulnerability, your emotion, your tears as a sign of incompetence and disqualify yourself. Your voice doesn't need to be polished; it needs to be real, raw, and brave. And present." (Jo Saxton, Ready to Rise)

Where are you hiding?

Where are you silenced?

Where do you need to step into what God has for you?

Wrestling with the Struggle

Last week I posted on Facebook about being single and still having that desire for marriage - even when I enjoy my life right now. I had no idea what the response would be  and I was a little overwhelmed by the way so many responded.

Those thoughts have not been far away since then. Every time I open Facebook, I'm reminded. I've lost count of the number of friends and family who have been posting about anniversaries in the last few weeks. It seems like I'm writing a happy anniversary message multiple times a day. And most of them are for ten, twenty, twenty-five years together.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit it's been hard. And that I've wanted to avoid seeing another post on someone's anniversary.

I'm happy for my friends and family whose marriages have reached those milestones. I want that to be celebrated for and with them.

But, it's also a constant reminder I don't have that in my life. I'm being continually reminded that I'm still single, despite a desire for marriage, long past when most of my friends and family were.

So, what do I do in times like this?

Secondly, as friends and family, what can you do?

The first question - what do I do? It has to start with admitting this is how I feel, this is my struggle. And taking it to God. I don't have the ability to change this all on my own, so that's what I can do.

For many of you reading this, the second question is maybe more applicable.

As friends and family, what can you?

I'm actually going to start the answer with things you shouldn't do:

• Don't quote the verse in Isaiah about God being a husband to me. It's hurtful. It's theologically suspect to make it about an individual. And it doesn't encourage me. I wrote a post specifically on this verse and using it in this context 7 years ago (almost to the day) that you can read here.
• Don't try to tell me I have the gift of singleness. I don't. I've also written more about this - you can find those posts here.
• Don't give me advice on what you think I should so to get married or tell me how something specific worked for someone else you know. I'm not looking for that when I say these things. You can read more about this topic specifically here and here.
• Don't make my longing for marriage out to be wrong or an idol. That hurts, a lot - something I talk more about here.

Now, what can you do?

Listen.

Care.

Pray.

It's that simple . . .

. . . And that hard to do.

Listen. Be a safe place for me to admit the struggle. Not so you can get to your words, but just to let me talk about it somewhere.

Care. Even if you don't understand exactly, you know what it's like to struggle and how you want someone to care about your struggles without immediately giving advice or trying to fix it.

Pray. As I wrestle with this desire that doesn't seem to be being met. This is the best support you could give me.

Brave?

Brave.

I see that word from almost everywhere in my house. It's written on the chalkboard hanging by my reading chair.

Brave.

The word God gave for 2020 in January.

I've struggled with seeing that word written there for the last few months. I definitely haven't felt brave - at least no according to what I've always thought of as brave. I mostly feel like it's just been taking everything I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. That hardly feels like what comes to mind when I think of the word brave.

A few days ago, I decided to look up what the word actually meant. To see if my thoughts were correct. I was both surprised and encouraged by what I found.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary gives a few different definitions, depending on whether you're using it as an adjective, verb, or noun. They're all related though.

Adjective - having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty: having or showing courage

Verb - to face or endure with courage

Noun - one with mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty

 

So my thoughts of brave referring to someone who boldly steps into danger weren't wrong, but they were incomplete. Brave doesn't only mean that. Sometimes it can mean just keeping going and moving forward in the face of fear, anxiety, or uncertainty. 

As I dug into how the word brave is used in Scripture, I was challenged in my understanding of the word. Depending on the translation you uses, the same word is sometimes rendered as brave and sometimes as courage or courageous.

I noticed on important thing that changed everything for me. In the majority of uses I could find, this word was used in reference to trusting in God, to depending on Him.

"Wait for the Lord's help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the Lord's help." (Psalm 27:14, NCV)

"I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble, but be brave! I have defeated the world." (John 16:33, NCV)

"On the day I called to you, you answered me. You made me strong and brave. (Psalm 138:3, NCV)

*see also Psalm 31:24, Joshua 1:7-9, 10:25, Deuteronomy 31:6-7, 1 Thessalonians 2:2

I used the NCV (New Century Version) for this as it specifically uses the word brave - in most of these verses, the NIV uses the word courage or courageous.

This is how Scripture defines brave.

Dependence on God. Trust in God.

Seeing the word brave as I go through my day doesn't feel so out of place anymore.