When You Feel on the Outside

 It was another one of those moments when I felt like I didn't really belong. No one said it. No one was trying to make me feel that way. But, in that moment, it's what I felt.

I was sitting around the lunch room table with my coworkers for our usual Friday morning coffee and donuts. Conversation and laughter was plentiful. But, on that day I felt like I was sitting outside of the group, eavesdropping on a conversation I wasn't a part of. A conversation I couldn't be part of.

Most days, the fact that I'm single and have no kids doesn't matter. The reality that I'm the only one in the office without a spouse or kids isn't noticed or mentioned. And it didn't come up on this Friday either - at least not in anything any of my coworkers said.

But, for me, that was all I could of that day. As stories about things they'd done with their families or that their kids had done or said were shared, I felt completely outside of the conversation. I didn't have any of that to share. I'd spent my evenings for the last week sitting at home alone. And I sometimes secretly wondered if others got tired of all my contributions being about my niece.

The experience I had that morning left me thinking about things. I've written a lot in the last few years about singles and the church, about what the Bible actually says about singleness, and about friendship as a single person. But, I've never really written about what it looks like at work.

Maybe because, in some ways, my work environment is different from most others because I work for a Christian organization.

But, I think it's more because I was hoping that there was one place in my life where being single didn't impact things. Except, being single and not having kids is part of who I am regardless of the setting. 

So, what is my point? Conclusion? The reason why I wrote this?

It really has little to do with work. It's about the moments when you feel like you're on the outside, eavesdropping on a conversation. And how that can sometimes feel as a single person.

Even though we don't want to always be focusing on our differences in groups of various kinds. It's worth taking time to be aware that not everyone in the group has the same set of circumstances in life. Regardless of the similarities that brought you together, there are differences and it is helpful to be aware of that.

There are times when being sensitive to other's lives in conversation is important. Being aware gives us grace for the moments when someone feels like they're outside the conversation. Most of the time, there's no intention by anyone to make someone feel like they don't fit in the conversation. It happens without planning and no one is aware of it except for the person who feels that way.

Sometimes it may be something as simple as shifting the conversation for a while. When you notice someone has gone quiet or seems to be disengaging from the conversation, that could be a sign it's time to change the topic for a bit.

It comes down to making sure that everyone feels cared about. Taking the time to acknowledge all the people present - even the quiet ones.

That Friday morning conversation with my coworkers, changed for me when one of my coworkers asked a question about something they knew I was doing with my niece. In that simple question, I no longer felt like I was outside the conversation, or that no one there wanted to hear more about my niece. 

It really can be that simple. But, it means we have to be paying attention and be aware of what people are experiencing.