Dating as an older Christian single.
I never expected to be writing those words or using them to describe myself. While I'm still younger than many, I'm no longer in the age group that almost all writing on Christian dating is aimed at.
In Christian circles, it seems that all dating advice is aimed at high school and college-aged people. And when I read it as someone nearing 40, it doesn't connect with or relate to where I'm at. And things that are part of the world for older Christian singles aren't even mentioned.
I feel incredibly unqualified to even attempt to write about this topic. I'm not an expert. I actually haven't been on a date in almost 10 years - something that I wonder if is, in part, affected by some of the ways dating as a Christian has been viewed or taught.
But, as I think more about what it means to be a single Christian adult in the church today, this is a topic that can't be ignored. As the number of singles in our churches grows, we need to talk about it more.
When I mentioned that the number of single people in our churches was growing to someone a few months ago, they commented that it should make it easier to meet someone at church now. A logical assumption. But, not a true assumption.
When I'm sitting in church on a Sunday morning, there's no way to know who else might be single. And the way we structure our adult ministries at church means the chances of every knowing are pretty slim. I would never say that things at church should be all about meeting people to date. I don't want that to dominate my mind. But, if I'm looking for a Christian man, then it does seem logical that it would be easier to meet them at church - even though that's not the case in my experience.
In most churches I know of, adult ministries fall into one of three categories: men, women, and married. Some churches may have something for single parents or those who have been divorced. Those are great places to focus ministries and reach many people. But, as a single Christian woman, I only fit into one of those categories, that means Sunday morning services are the only time I could possibly get to know anyone besides other women.
Don't get me wrong. We need men's ministries, women's ministries, and married's ministries. They're important. We need ministries to single parents and those dealing with the fall out from divorce. They're needed.
But what about singles who haven't been married and don't have kids? Where do we go? Where so we belong?
Some women's ministries do better than others at welcoming single women. I'm thankful my church does. But, sometimes we can unintentionally set up women's ministry to revolve around being a good wife and/or a good mother, that leaves a growing number of women out.
I have many conversations with people at church who are inquiring if I'm still single and expressing hope that one day I'll get married. That's something I'd like too, but I don't know how it will happen when I don't even know where or how I'd meet someone.
As far as a post on dating, this probably didn't go in the direction you were expecting - so, thank you for keeping on reading. It's not exactly where I thought it was going either. But, I'm beginning to see it as the place we have to start.
Not every person who is single in our churches is interested in dating or wants to get married. But, it might be worth reflecting on how we can allow space in our adult ministries for people to meet each other - not making it the focus, but space for it to happen in the midst of all else, in things that aren't just geared for young adults.
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