An Undivided Focus . . . and the Assumption we too Often Make

 How many times have you heard someone say that being single means you don't have to think about a spouse and the impact you have on them as you serve God?

If you're single, probably often.

If you're married, likely still often, just not directed at you. Possibly said by you.

And I'm not going to tell you this is wrong. Scripture says this. 1 Corinthians 7:32-34 says:

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs - how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of the world - how he please his wife - and his interests are divided. An unmarried women or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married women is concerned about the affairs of this world - how she can please her husband."

Reading this, it makes a lot of sense.

So, why am I writing about this/ What needs to be said?

I think we need to take a few minutes to talk about the expectations and assumptions that we often from this. I'm not convinced they're helpful or good. In fact, I would say that, at times, they're harmful.

I've had the experience of someone trying to shame me into filling a role I knew I wasn't a good for for, simply because I was single and therefore didn't have anyone at home to consider. And I know it's not just me or something that happens only occasionally; I've talked to many other singles with the same experience. Sometimes overt, and sometimes done very subtly.

I thinks this is a misuse of this passage. If you look at it in the context of all of 1 Corinthians and all of Scripture, you'll also see teaching about serving in the areas God has called you to and gifted you for. So, my saying no to something I know I'm not a good fit for isn't wrong just because I'm single.

There's also the issue of the time and energy I have available. Yes, there's the time that some by nature of being married that people spend on their spouse, that I have available. But, I am also the only one who does all the cleaning, all the laundry, all the grocery shopping, all of everything else for my house. With another person, there is some degree (realizing it's different in all marriages) of splitting of those tasks between two people. As a single person, you're also the only income earner, so when extra expenses come, your only option is to work an extra job or overtime, cutting into time available.

I know I happily do more volunteering at church than some people. I will continue to do so because I can. But, I find it hurtful when people assume I have more time to give or that I should forego my giftings to fill any need at any time just because I'm single.

So, my practical response to this is that we all need to keep watching our assumptions on other people. We likely don't know the whole story. 

Regardless of whether we are married or single, we are to live lives that honour God and to use our gifts to serve God. That is the main point that Paul keeps coming back to in 1 Corinthians 7.