The Most Well-Known Passage on Singleness

 What does the Bible say about singleness?

1 Corinthians 7 is probably the most well-known passage that talks about singleness. It's quoted and used well and it's quoted and used in sometimes hurtful ways.

Unfortunately, I've most often heard it referenced in unhelpful ways. And, if I'm honest, I've used it in unhelpful ways as well. Most of the time when people reference this passage for singles, it's for a couple of reasons. The first is to tell then that the Bible says they should get married if they "burn with passion" (1 Corinthians 7:9). As if it were that simple.

The second, I believe is meant to be encouraging, but it doesn't come across that way. It is often used to tell someone that singleness is a gift from God that gives them an undivided focus on God. Sounds good. True for the most part.

But, when someone isn't single by choice, telling them it's a gift from God and they should embrace it diminishes their struggle and desire for marriage, rather than acknowledging it. The part about having an undivided focus seems to come with an expectation that singles will volunteer wherever there's a need without paying attention to the things God has gifted them for and given them a passion to do. 

So, what does 1 Corinthians 7 actually say?

The first thing is that Paul values both those who are married and those who are single. Over and over in these verses, Paul holds up both marriage and singleness as ways to honour God and encourages living in that way. His primary concern is that those who are married and those who are single live lives that honour God and obey His commands, specifically regarding sexuality.

While Paul talks about wishing that were as he was in verse 7, he is not saying that singleness is the only option. He is acknowledging that there are some challenges that may be removed if one was single. But, this is not an encouragement at the expense of getting married.

Not to address the words of verse 9, which says,

"But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry for it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

When these words are quoted to a single person who is struggling with any kind of sexual desire, they're usually hurtful.

Using these words in this way diminishes a legitimate struggle. Our sexuality and desire are given to us by God and we are to keep them within God's plan for them. But, that's not always easy - especially in our world today.

It should be quite clear from what we see in our world, even in our Christian circles, that marriage is not a cure for any struggle with sexuality and saying within God's original plan for it. So when we tell a single person they should just get married because of this desire or a struggle here, we make their struggle small and unimportant by implying that it has an easy solution.

I don't dismiss Paul's words that when this is an area of strong desire, marriage should be pursued. That's what he writes here and it's true. The problem comes with how we use these words when we're talking to people who are being honest about their struggle in the moment.

I've wrestled with how to finish this post. I never want my writing to just tell us what a standard is or point out where we've gotten off course. That does little to help any of us. But, I haven't been sure how to finish this one.

I guess there's a couple of things that we can go to get this practical. And I think they apply beyond just this post, but definitely here.

The first is to practice really listening and caring about the person in front of you who is sharing with you. When someone who is single is talking about their desire to be married or a struggle to keep their sexuality within God's plan, don't go looking for the first Scripture you can throw at them. Listen. And, yes, this may get uncomfortable at times, but it's necessary.

The second thing is to practice putting aside the assumptions you have as you read Scripture. Do your best to read it for what it is, not what you've always thought it was.