When Our Words Unintentionally Cause Hurt

 Have you ever said nothing you meant nothing by without realizing how much it was going to hurt someone when you didn't intend to?

We've all probably done this sometimes. And we've probably been on the receiving end of a comment like this.

A situation where there's truly no ill will or ill intent, yet was is said causes pain for someone. These times are not fun for anyone involved as the outcome is fully realized.

Despite our best intentions, we hurt each other sometimes. We do it in all kinds of situations. But today, I want to talk about one specific time that we it happens, that is causing more harm than we may be aware of.

If you're a single adult in the church, you've likely smiled, or even laughed, outwardly in these situations. All the while cringing and feeling less than on the inside, as you've heard people say things like what follows here:

I don't know why someone like you is still single.

Maybe if you didn't desire marriage anymore, you'd meet someone.

You're too ______________ (confident, established, sure of yourself) for someone to want to be with you. You need to need someone.

You just need to trust God with your plans for your life.

The Bible says God will give you the desires of your heart, so just wait for His timing and it will happen.

There must be something in your life that is keeping you from finding someone. You need to deal with it, so you can meet someone.

Singleness is a gift. You should embrace it and stop desiring marriage.

Sorry. You won't understand this part of the conversation because you're not married.

And that's far from an exhaustive list of things I've heard over the years of being single, but it's a start to get us thinking.

Because the troubling Scripture interpretation and faulty logic of some of those statements, they also bring a lot of pain.

Many of these statements make assumptions about the experiences of someone.

Many of these statements make assumptions about where the heart of someone is.

Many of these statements make assumptions about the single person is doing or not doing.

And it hurts. 

Even if it was intended differently, it doesn't remove the fact that the words hurt.

So, how should we respond if the person who was hurt has the courage to tell us that our words hurt them?

I think this is where the biggest impact lies. When we're made aware that something we said caused pain to another, even when that's not what we intended, our response can change the entire experience for the person who spoke up.

We can acknowledge how they feel and seek to understand.

Or we can make light of it and contribute to causing greater hurt.

To acknowledge that our words hurt someone requires humility on our part. We have to be willing to admit and own the pain our words caused to the other person.

This applies in so many areas of life, but as you can probably guess from above, I'm talking specifically about how we respond to the single adults around us. Because we how respond to them, is vital to the church functioning as the family God created the church to be.