Single People aren't a Threat to Your Marriage

 Have you ever felt like you were being excluded from a group because of one characteristic about you?

Hove you ever been part of an interaction and felt like someone wished you weren't there?

I think I'm safe to say we've all experienced that at times. Situations where we've felt excluded or pushed out.

Now let me ask you another question . . .

Hove you ever felt like you were see as a threat to something when you interacted with someone?

Even though most of us have some stories about being excluded, it doesn't seem to be quite as common an experience to actually be made to feel like you're a threat.

. . .

. . .

. . .

Unless you're a single adult in the church.

Then you can probably recount many stories of feeling like you're seen as a threat by someone. I know I quickly run out of fingers if I try to count it. And I've heard enough singles tell me the same thing to know my experience isn't unique.

For some reason in the church, single adults are often (not always or with everybody, but a lot) seen as a threat if they happen to have a conversation with someone who isn't the same gender as them. I'm talking about a conversation in the church lobby before or after a church service, or in some other public place where it is generally appropriate to have a conversation with many different people. Yet, somehow, we see this as a threat if one of the people involved in the conversation is single.

And it hurts.

And it ostracizes people.

It pushes people out of the community God designed us for and into deeper isolation.

As a single woman, I'm not going around seeing every man as a potential relationship leading to marriage. I'm not seeing them as really close personal friends. I want your marriage to be strong, to be God-honouring.

In short, my singleness doesn't make me a threat to your marriage.

Just because I talk to your husband at church doesn't mean I'm going to want to go for coffee with him or spend time at your house without both of you there. I'm not going to cross those boundaries. 

And it hurts that you assume I will.

What if, instead of seeing single people as a threat to marriages in the church, we saw them as people? People in need of community - with other men and women. 

What if we sought to build community so that everyone, regardless of their marital status, was welcome and  at home and felt comfortable in the space?