Things We Need to Stop Saying (Part 4)

 "You don't have anyone at home waiting for you, so should be the one to fill that need. You have time."

This one I really wish I'd never heard, but I've heard it in some form on more than one occasion.

I believe there's a couple of reasons why we need to stop saying this. First, it often ignores the gifts and abilities of the person it's said to. The place where there's a need to be filled may be something that the single person knows they won't do well, and may even dread.

For example, I've had people push me towards volunteering in kid's ministry because of need. There's just one big problem with that . . . I don't particularly like kids. I love my niece and will do things with her, but generally I don't like spending time with kids. I would make a terrible kid's ministry volunteer because I'd be dreading it and counting the minutes til I was done. It's actually better if the space is left open for someone who likes kids even a little bit, than for me to fill it.

The second reason why we need to stop saying this is because of the assumptions about the time a single person has that it makes. Yes, it's true that there's no one waiting for me to get home. But, that also means I'm the only one to do everything at home. Instead of having another person to share in the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, and other household tasks, I do all of that on my own. That takes up a large portion of the time I have that comes from no one else being at home.

The problem with saying this really comes down to the assumptions being made about another person and their life, just based on the external facts you see. We get ourselves in dangerous territory when we do this with any person for any reason.