Things We Need to Stop Saying (Part 5)

 "If you just stop desiring marriage, you'll find the person to marry."

I can't count the number of times I've been told this, because it's happened so often. And never in a helpful way; instead, always in response to me simply expressing the fact that I would like to be married one day.

I'm not sure how simply acknowledging that desire is a bad thing. If marriage is something created by God, then how can having a desire for it be wrong?

I'm not talking about being obsessed with the desire. There may be some occasions where the person is obsessed with getting married that they do need to surrender that desire to God. But, my experience says that this is exceedingly rare. Most singles who desire marriage are far from obsessed with it.

When it comes to relationships, it seems like we tell people not have a desire for anything and definitely not pursue it. But, in any other area of life, we tell people to go after what they want. It really makes no sense that we do this.

Saying this assumes a lot about the motives of some's life. Unless you know the person really well, you likely don't have enough relationship to not make assumptions. And most people who have said this to me didn't know me well enough to actually know if I was obsessed with getting married or not.

Even if someone does need to surrender this desire, that conversation is best and will most likely be heard if it happens in the context of a friendships with someone who has taken the time to get to know them and care about their lives. The acquaintance or stranger at church is not going to have an effective conversation about it. And the passing comment is just going to bring a defensive response.