Once again, this post comes from an experience a few years ago, that God is using now to teach and remind me of things...
I pulled a piece of paper out of my mail slot at church on my way to find a seat. Once I was seated, I began to read it.
Women Connecting. Women's Bible studies on Monday nights.
"Well, I won't be going to that," was my first thought.
I mean, I was honestly only in church that Saturday night because it was a habit. After all that had happened in the last year, I wasn't sure I wanted to believe in God anymore.
I read the bulletin I'd been given at the door to the sanctuary. There was still a few more minutes before the service started, so I started reading the paper about the women's Bible studies.
I had no intention of going, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to read it.
Three different choices for studies. I read the first two. Your typical Bible studies.
Then I read the title for the third one: "Believing God."
As soon as I finished reading the description, I was sure I heard an audible voice, "You need to go to that one."
I looked around quickly, but no one was paying attention to me, so I must have been the only one who heard it. It was pretty clear now that it was God talking to me.
An argument began in my head: "Why would I go to a Bible study if I'm not sure I want to believe in God anymore? And why would I go to that one? I'm not going to go. No way!"
As usually happens, God won the argument and at the end of the service I walked over to where I could register for a study and signed up for it.
Fast forward two days . . .
It's Monday night and I pull my car into the parking lot. I'm not convinced I'm actually going to go yet. I turn off my car, but I don't get out.
I just sit and watch other ladies going into the church. If I wait long enough, maybe it will too late to go in.
But I can't seem to shake this feeling that I have to go in. Finally, I grab my Bible and get out of my car. I walk in and pick up my workbook.
As I begin looking for a place to sit, I tell God I'm not staying if I can't find someone I know to sit with. Across the room I notice someone waving at me.
A friend calling me over to her table.
I guess I'm staying.
Things get started. Some announcements. Some worship. Then everyone heads to the study they signed up for.
My friend signed up for the same study as me, I guess I really have to stay now.
Some information about the study we're in. Then the video teaching starts.
I can't stop listening. I don't want to take it all in, but that's all I can do. It's getting right to where I'm at - to the questions and struggles I'm having.
I guess this is where I need to be. I'll be coming back next week and every week to come.
When I look back on this, I'm amazed at how God speaks even when we stubbornly try to ignore Him. And how He will speak to someone who isn't sure they want to believe in Him anymore.
God knew I had just enough belief left to get me to the Bible study. And that's all I needed.
I just needed to get there, because once I was there, I heard what I needed to hear. I began again a journey of believing in God and believing what God says.
It really is amazing to me how God cares so much about a person who is struggling that He would go to any lengths necessary to draw them back. That's pretty cool! What a reminder of both he vastness and the personal nature of God's love.