Doing the Best You Can with What You Have

As I sat down in my seat, I felt the person behind me leaning forward with their hand out. I sat quietly, looking straight ahead, willing myself to breathe normally. Praying this person would just sit back and not push this interaction.

But, that wasn't going to happen this time. The hand moved uncomfortably close to my shoulder and they leaned in, right up to my ear . . . or, at least that's what it felt like.

I did my best to respond in a friendly way, but that night, I'd greeted as many people as I had it in me to greet. I was done and I just needed a bit of space.

As soon as I could after that, I headed for outside. I just needed some air and no people around me with expectations of how I would interact.


If you haven't figured it out, that situation occurred during the "greet the people around you and shake their hand" part of most church services. While it's never been my favourite part of a church service, sometimes those are the words I dread hearing come from the pastor or worship leaders' mouths. The part that can make me want to just skip church altogether some weeks. And other times, it's not really that big of a deal to me.

Every time I do say hi to someone and shake their hand, I'm worrying in my head about how they're seeing me in that moment. Is my handshake too strong or too weak? Did I actually smile at them? Was I clear and friendly in my words? What are they thinking about me?

Even as I write those words, I know how ridiculous they sound. But, for me, that's the reality of what social anxiety looks like. I know rationally that this isn't the big deal my brain is making it out to be to most people, but sometimes I don't seem to be able to interrupt the thought process with more rational thoughts. Or it takes all of the energy I have to do so and I have nothing left to give to interactions with other people.

Back to the situation from the start of this post: That particular evening at church, I had already reached my capacity for those interactions. I usually try to just quietly sit down and avoid further interactions at that point. I tried that on this evening and, unfortunately, it didn't happen that way.

I truely believe this other person had the best of intentions and definitely had no idea they were pushing me towards a panic attack. Thankfully, this time, I was able to return to the church service after a few minutes outside, but this isn't always the case.

I have no idea what went through the mind of the other person in this situation (although my anxiety brain tried to tell me it was full of judgement of me). I only saw the look on their face for a moment and they had no idea what was going on for me.

Here's what I do know: Having been on the other person's side of similar situations myself. Most of the time, maybe even all the time, it's nothing personal. There's something going on in their life that's making this more difficult for them. It's easy just to judge someone as rude or unfriendly, but I think we're better off being more gracious with each other.

How would it change your interactions in this situation if the thought in your head was that they're doing the best they can with what they have in that moment?

Stop Hiding

We all have things we do that we want to keep secret. We don't want anyone else to find out about them. We'll do whatever we can to keep them hidden away.

But, what if, in doing this, we miss out on what God has for us? What if we're missing out on all that God wants to do?

A Bible teacher I was listening to recently shared a quote from a book she was reading that really stuck with me. I looked up the book only to discover it's out of print, so getting it for myself is a bit more challenging, but the quote is still worth thinking about.

"Whatever I cover up with I'm left with but what I open up receives not only the revealing of God but the healing of God." (Reuben Welch, We Really Do Need Each Other)

In these words, Welch challenges us on why we keep things hidden and covered up. We think we're making a good choice when we do that. We think we're doing what is best. But, we're missing out on something greater that comes with making a choice to stop hiding it.

When we allow God to expose those hidden things, He is able to bring His healing into our lives. We experience healing when we allow God to reveal what we would rather keep hidden.

It's scary to do that. We feel exposed. But, the truth is, God already knows it anyways. And if other people find out in the process, that can also be part of God's plan for our healing.

What are you hiding? What are you covering up?

Are you willing to reveal it God, and maybe to others, to experience God's healing in that area of your life?

Being Needy

Needy.

None of is want to be seen as needy.

We look down on others when they come across as needy.

And, while I agree that being needy can become manipulative or dangerous, I think we miss out on something important when we do everything we can to avoid even the appearance of being needy.

What we miss, is intimacy - with others and with God.

Because we've equated intimacy with a sexual relationship, we miss out on what it actually is and why it's actually vital to our lives.

I want to touch briefly on the topic of intimacy with other and how being needy sometimes is part of that, briefly, before I move onto intimacy with God.

Think about your close friendships right now. If they have a depth, an intimacy to them, then that probably developed from both of you being willing to be needy with each other at one point or another. You chose to let the other into a hard time or a struggle. You shared what others don't usually see. And you allowed the other to respond with care, with love, with help, with support.

In intimate friendship with others, you risk being exposed so you can stop hiding. You risk being hurt, so you can ask for help when it's too much on your own. It's not easy, but it's necessary.

But, there's an area where I think we struggle with being needy even more and as a result we miss out on intimacy there too. It's in our relationship with God.

Oh, we know all the right things to say. We talk about it. But, we don't practice it very well.

I read something in a Bible study I was working through recently that challenged me on this idea. Jennie Allen writes:

"If the goal of our lives is intimacy with Jesus, then the pathway to that intimacy is vulnerably needing Him - bringing Him to things we most want to hide from Him." (Proven, pg. 134)

If we're going to pursue intimacy with God, then we have to be willing to be needy with Him. Instead of trying to prove that we have it all together and are good enough for Him, Jesus invites us to fully admit our need to Him. Being honest about everything we would rather hide, everything we're afraid of having exposed. It's when we do this, that we are able to begin to live in the intimacy with Jesus we all say we desire.

Are you willing to be vulnerably needy with Jesus?

Are you willing to have it all exposed for the intimacy that comes?

When the Big Name Behind the Purity Message of Your Youth Walks Away . . .

What do you do when someone who was influential in Christian circles walks away from the faith?

Joshua Harris recently announced he no longer saw himself as a Christian. It was a bit of a shocking thing - even after all that has happened with him in recent years. Changing his stance on much of what he had written about dating and relationships with opposite sex.

I recently wrote a post about "How the Purity Message of my Youth was Incomplete". When I look back, whether directly or indirectly, Joshua Harris was one who had a big influence on what that message was. His voice was one of the loudest at that time.

When the statement of his regret over what he had written in his book, "I Kissed Dating Good-bye", came out, I was both relieved and angry. Relieved that the damage that message had done was finally being acknowledged. Angry because in many ways it felt like too little too late for me and others I know. We were already well aware of the consequences of his message - because we're living them.

When I heard this latest news, I was saddened. Somewhere along the way doubts gained control for him. And he is walking off the right path.

Harris has also recently announced that he is divorcing his wife - a wife he found following what he laid out in his book that seemed to promise a great marriage if you followed this same path. His own marriage ending in divorce could be seen as something he deserves, but that would help no one and is hardly the response we should have as Christians.

Once again, this is something that saddens me.

I've realized that my anger does no good. And actually continues the harm I've felt was done through his message on purity and dating. I've had to let that go - give it to God and choose forgiveness.

So, what now?

When someone in leadership falls it can shake us.

When someone influential in the Christian world walks away, it can leave us with more questions than answers.

Even if we weren't necessarily a fan of that person or the message they spoke or wrote.

So, how do we respond?

I think it's a two part response.

First, we pray. For the specific person and for all others, including ourselves, who are impacted by what has happened.

Second, we find people and places where we can talk about our questions arising from this, about how we're dealing with it if it's had an impact on us.