When You Just Want to Avoid Christmas

As I started thinking about Christmas posts earlier this year and planning for what I would write, I had plans of what I would talk about. But, then a few things began happening with my extended family, and all those nice thoughts of Christmas posts went out the window.

The truth is, that as Christmas has approached, I've really wished it would just be done. Most mornings I wake up wishing it was 2019 already, and all of this was done. It's not that I want to skip the celebration of the birth of the promised Messiah, Jesus. It's just that all the rest that comes with Christmas these days is hard this year.

If we could just have the "religious" part of Christmas (for lack of a better word), and leave all the rest, that would be my desire this year. Things have changed in hard ways in my family in the last six months, and that's also emphasized some of the dysfunctional parts of our family that we try to hide. It's been hard and at times I've just wanted to skip it all.

But, as Christmas draws closer, I've been challenged on how I'm responding in the middle of the hard. If I keep focusing on what's hard, then I'm going to dread Christmas and all that comes with it.

But, that doesn't have to be my choice. I can choose to focus on the good things. To focus on the people who are here, rather than the people who won't be on Christmas. To focus on what we're actually celebrating. And to look for the joy and laughter in the midst of it all.

I'm realizing that it really does come down to a choice. And it's my choice. So, even though I still sometimes feel like I just want to avoid all of Christmas, I'm choosing to change my focus for these last days before Christmas.

I don't know where you're at, or what you're thinking about as Christmas approaches this year, but whatever space you find yourself in this year, can I encourage you to think about where you're focusing. Maybe it's fine where it is, or maybe it needs to change.

And, my you find joy and laughter, and the true meaning of what Christmas is all about. Our God came to be with us, to save us.

A Baby Who Changed the World

As Christmas approaches, I keep being drawn back to a post I wrote in 2014. As I've thought about what I might write to share here as I look towards Christmas, I've realized that those words from then are where my heart is at again this year. Rather than write something new, I'm choosing to share those words from four years ago again.

My prayer is they make you think, reflect, wonder at Christmas this year...

_______________________________

As I have been reflecting on the Christmas story this year, I've been struck by how life changing the birth of this one baby was for all people - the night it happened and for all eternity.

One baby changed the world forever. 

Nothing has been the same since that night.

We often talk about how a baby changes everything for the family that baby is born into.

 None brought so much change as Jesus when He was born.

God come to earth.

Immanuel.

God with us.

The One whose life, death, and resurrection would make a way for mankind to once again have direct access to God.

The ultimate expression of sacrificial love. Of humble service.

I wonder if Mary and Joseph, if the shepherds, if the Magi, really understood the significance of that night. They knew what the angels had told them about this baby, but did they really get it? 

A couple thousand years later, do we really get it? Will we ever really get it?

The birth of a baby, named Jesus. 

A baby Who would change everything through His life and death.

The promised Messiah. The One prophesied about.

The One missed by so many when He came because of the way He came.

The One missed by so many while He walked on earth because He came to serve, not to exert His power.

The One missed by so many because He dies a criminal's death to become the greatest sacrifice and defeat sin and death for good.

The One still missed by many today.

But for those who stop to notice . . .

for those who are searching for something more . . .

for those who are willing to be humble and serve . . .

the chance to meat the One Who changes everything.

The One Who offers hope.

The One Who offers forgiveness and a second chance.

The One Who offers unconditional love.

The One Who never fails.

It was one night . . . 

in a stable . . .

in a small town . . .

with two poor parents . . .

surrounded by animals . . .

where the world changed forever.

God put His plan in motion to redeem a fallen world,

to restore a broken relationship with His people.

A plan still in motion today.

A plan that still offers hope today.

A birth.

A baby.

A life lived.

A death.

And the greatest of all - a victory over death, a resurrection.

All because of God's vast, unmeasurable, unchanging, unfailing love for each of us.

That makes it something worth celebrating!

More Reflections on Life Changing in Ways We Don't Always Understand

A few days ago, I shared a poem about some of the hard changes I've been processing with my grandparents recently. That poem was specifically about what I've been walking through with my Grandma, but it's also meant changes with my Grandpa too. This poem is specifically related to that. I'm not actually sure if it's part of the last one, or if it's a new one.

I see you there

With sad in your eyes

The love of your life

Is changing each day

Some days she's angry

And pushes away

Some days she needs you

And pulls you in close

Disease stole her body

And now has her mind

She's here and she's not

So hard to find

I see you there

Loving her still

In pain and in sorrow

You never give up

I listen and watch

I see all you do

It makes me desire

A love like you have

Through life's ups and downs

Endurance has marked it

You hold on for good

You held on in hard

I see you there

Lonely and lost

Crying and hurting

For what has been lost

I'm grateful for you

Your love and your caring

For me through the years

 I cannot forget

Every smile, every hug

 Every prayer that you pray

All the laughter we've shared

It's part of me now

I love much more

Than what I can say

Grandpa, I love you

Is just not enough

When Life Changes in Ways You Don't Understand

As December approached, I had plans for what my posts leading up to Christmas would be about. I was hoping that I would have some thoughts on Christmas and what it looks like as we approach this time.

But, that isn't what happened. As I've been processing life and what some of the things happening in my family mean right now, I've found that I wasn't yet moving towards Christmas in my mind. I was, and am, still processing some changes in my family and relationships with one another.

Often, as I wrestle with changes like this, I find that I turn to poetry as a way to make sense of all that is going through my mind. I don't always share this poetry and I wrestled with whether or not I would share this one. The more I've thought about it, the more pulled toward sharing it I've become.

In these last months I've seen big changes in what it looks like with my grandparents. They've always been an important part of my life, and things look very different now than what they've looked like so far. And it hasn't been an easy journey to be walking. I feel like I've lost so much of what I've always loved and valued with them, even though they're still here. 

This particular poem is part of processing what those changes look like with my Grandma.

I see you there

 Frustrated by what life's become

Betrayed by your mind

Held back by your body

A mind once so alive

Now struggles to understand

A body once so able

Now refuses to do what it should

Golfing, baking, playing with us

You were always there

Laughter and tears, hugs freely given

A safe place to run

Faith always valued

I knew you were praying

Wherever I was

God's love you shared

I see you there

And I love you still

You'll always be with me

Memories deep in my heart

Grandma, I love you

Feels not enough

Words can't express

Just how I feel

I see you there

Waiting for heaven

To be free of these struggles

Fully healed and released

I miss you already

Something doesn't seem right

This world's unfairness

Has stolen your light

I know where you're going

But I'm not ready yet

I want to hold tightly

To not let you go

I treasure it all

Every hug, every smile

Every thing you came to

Every card that you wrote

I see you there

I choose to let go

Trusting our Savior

Who loves you the most

The Things we Often Skip

Sometimes, in our familiarity with certain passages of Scripture, we miss out on an important part of it. I had that happen with me recently.

Almost all of Philippians 4:4-7 is familiar to us. It's quoted often in many different situations.

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heats and minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:4-7, CSB)

But, we often actually only use verses 4 and 6-7 when we quote it. For some reason, we skip over verse 5. We read the first part about rejoicing in the Lord and then we jump to the part about not worrying. But, in the part we skip, are four words that why it is possible for us to rejoice always and why we don't need to worry.

The Lord is near.

All of this is possible because God is right there. He is near. His closeness is the reason for us to rejoice always. We can count on Him and that is reason to celebrate.

We can also let go of our worries because He is near. We're not praying to a distant God and asking Him to take our worries; we literally get to hand then over to a God Who is right there. He takes them directly from us.

We can pray with thanksgiving because God is there. His presence, His nearness, means that if we take even a moment to look for His activity in our lives, we will see it. And it can result in gratitude.

We also experience His peace because He is right there. It is His presence that changes everything. He peace isn't something we have to try to manufacture. We experience it because of His nearness in the midst of all circumstances.

You may have noticed that I've actually still skipped a part of verse 5 in what I've said. We often skip this part of the verse too. I wanted to start with what we commonly talk about and how it ties together with part we easily skip over, but this doesn't mean the first part of verse 5 doesn't also fit in with what I'm saying.

Verse 5 says, "Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near." Gentleness is not something that comes naturally to us, or even is generally valued or encouraged by our society. The only way we can live it is to be dependent on God's presence with us, empowering us to live out our gentleness in a world that doesn't value it.

The Lord is near.

Really, in many ways, the four most important words in this passage. Yet, part that we too often skip in our focus on what else is said in this passage. They're words we cannot continue to skip, because they are key to understanding and living out all that these verses contain.

An Important Decision for Me

One of the most important decisions I've made happened sitting in my bedroom in the house I grew up shortly before my 20th birthday.

Maybe that sounds a little dramatic . . . One of the most important decisions??? Really?

When I think about it, I don't see those words as being dramatic. I can't think of any other way I would put it. The decision I made at that time was and still is one of the most important I've made.

What was that decision?

The decision to go to Briercrest.

I was getting close to the end of my second year at business studies at a local college. For the most part things seemed to be going pretty well in my life . . . at least to anyone who saw me. I was in my classes. I was at church most weeks. I was involved with the young adults group at my church.

But, on the inside I was wrestling with a lot of questions and the answers from people at school were beginning to sound more appealing than what I'd heard in church all my life. That last semester had not been going as well as I was trying to make it look, and I had made some choices that I desperately wanted to hide from anyone who knew me.

I knew I needed a change. I was starting down a path I wasn't really sure I wanted to continue on, and I wasn't sure how I would change it if I stayed in the same place as I was. That's where Briercrest was appealing. I could go there and still finish my business degree.

And that's the decision I made that night. I started the application process.

And 5 months later, I was pulling into the parking lot of a school in what seemed like the middle-of-nowhere in Saskatchewan. I really had no idea what to expect from any of that year, or the second year that I spent there.

But, looking back, and seeing the way that decision has shaped who I am and how I live my life, it is still one of the most important I've ever made. I learned more about the Bible, theology, and God there than I've learned in 35 years of being in church. I made friends who are still important in my life today. I grew spiritually in ways I couldn't have imagined. And I had more fun living in community with people than I have in any other environment.

It's been a little more than 15 years since I graduated. Everything about that time has been a part of making me who I am today - of shaping how I do my job and how I serve in my church. I don't regret one minute about the time I spent there, or the money I spent to be there.

Obviously, there are decisions you could say are more important than this one. There are, I don't deny that. But, I also know that, as a part of making me who I am today, it was incredibly important. I can't say where I'd be if I had stayed where I was and finished my business degree at the local college. I still could have ended up where I am today, but the path would have looked different. I'm grateful for the way mine went and wouldn't have changed it for anything.

This is what I do know . . . if you ask me if you should go to Briercrest or another Bible college, I won't hesitate to say yes. I'll even go so far as to say that everyone should go if it's at all possible.

Looking Close

Last week, I shared a post about looking for God in the midst of the hard times. I kind of wish I could write in this post, that I'm past the place I was when I wrote that post, but that's not true. I'm still in the middle of the time. And I'm being challenged with what I wrote.

Am I seeing the beauty of God in the midst of something that's still unresolved?

It's a lot harder than I wish it was. I wish it was something that begins to come naturally when we decide we're going to. But, it's not. It's still something we have to do every moment as we walk through the hard times.

Last night at a Bible study I'm part of we were talking about John 15 where Jesus says He is the true vine and we are the branches. In John 15:2, Jesus talks about us being pruned so that we can be even more fruitful. In the teaching last night, Lysa TerKeurst (the author of the study we've been doing, Finding I Am), talked about how a grape vine is pruned.

The prune a grape vine, the gardener has to get really close to the branch being pruned. It's not something done from a distance. It's something close and intimate.

As I've thought about it more, I've come to the conclusion that we often miss God in the midst of the hard times, because we're looking too far away for where He is. He's close in those hard times. And if we're looking in the distance, we miss Him, because we look right past where He is.

And so I'm learning in the midst of my own hard time to look closer when I look for God. To stop looking for Him in the distance and realize He's right there with me in the midst of it.

Seeing God in the Middle of Not Being Okay

Everything is going good, until it isn't. Often with very little warning, or indication of the reason why. Very suddenly, life is not what it was before. Getting out of bed, getting out of the house, getting anything done becomes an overwhelming thought. But, life goes on, and somehow I must figure out a way to keep going with it.

These words describe the reality of what living with an anxiety disorder looks like. At least for me, and some others I have talked to. But, I also know it's different for others, as anxiety disorders are a pretty broad category and everyone's experience of it is different.

But, it is a reality I've been living the last week or so. It's happened before and I'm sure it will happen again. Each time with a few more tools to use to get through the time than I had the last time. Sometimes these times last only a day; sometimes they could linger for weeks.

For a long time, I didn't tell people what was going on, because I wasn't sure I could handle however they responded. But, I've learned over the last few years that the right people will respond with love and support. And, I've realized how much I need those people in the times when I'm not okay.

This is probably the first time I've attempted to write a blog post in the midst of it. It can be challenging to make sure my words make sense in the middle of the chaos in my head right now. Some might even wonder why I would try and why I would share this now. I haven't done it in the past for exactly those reasons. But this time, I'm feeling compelled to do so.

I think this place I'm in right now is a place we don't talk about much because it's unresolved. I don't have a lesson I've learned from it to share yet. I don't know how it's going to end. I can't relay how God has used it for His glory yet.

But, I wonder if those are sometimes exactly what we need to talk more about. When we only talk about the end result, I wonder if we actually miss what God is doing. I wonder if we miss the beauty that is still there when things are unresolved and all we can do is cling to God and trust that He has plan to use it, even when we couldn't possibly see how yet.

So, let this be my encouragement to you today if you're in the middle of an unresolved and messy time: Look for the beauty of God in it now. Don't wait until you get to the other side to look for it.

I'm not saying it's easy to do. It's not something that will come naturally. But, I'm being reminded again now, that it changes everything when we look for God in it before we see the end. It's worth the effort, and it makes it possible to get through the messy times when we're not okay.

Where is Your Trust & Confidence?

Where is your trust?

What have you placed your confidence in?

These are important questions to ask. They have a significant impact on how we live.

Jeremiah 17:7-8 says:

"But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
     whose confidence is in Him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
     that sends out roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
     its leaves are always green.
It had no worries in a year of drought
     and never fails to bear fruit."

When I read these verses, I'm left asking the questions I opened this post with.

Where is my trust?

Where have I placed my confidence?

Have I placed my confidence and trust in the Lord? Or have I placed it elsewhere?

When we place our trust and confidence completely in God, we're reaching out to the Source of Life that will sustain us whatever comes our way. We are then sustained, even through the hard times. We will continue to flourish because we've tapped into a Life Source that cannot be taken from us.

Where is your trust?

Where have you placed your confidence?

Living Social Justice

So, if we're supposed to be involved in social justice, as I wrote last week, what does it look like for us?

How do we actually make it a part of what we do?

How do we do it well?

In many ways, I think this is a bigger problem than we realize. Unfortunately, we haven't always done this well in the church. And in our struggle to figure out how to do it, we've actually done harm - mostly unintentionally.

I think our struggle to figure it out and do it is actually the reason why it might seem easier to try to avoid social justice and try to separate it from what we preach.

But, I also think the fact that it's so difficult at times is exactly why we need to be intentional about being hands on with it. We can't try to separate it from the gospel or leave it for professionals. We need to be involved ourselves.

I also wonder if part of our struggle with how to do as that we often think it has to start with changing to laws of our society. And that seems impossible or overwhelming, so we don't try. Or, we don't like how people have tried to do just that in the past and don't want to be associated with that, so we do our best to avoid those associations.

But, what if that wasn't where we were supposed to start?

What if we have it backwards from how we're supposed to be doing it?

What if it was supposed to start with us in the trenches doing the work, being involved with people?

I'm not saying we should be quiet and not say anything. I'm not saying that there aren't issues where we need to make our voices heard. But, I do think our voices will be better heard and considered if our actions reflect what we're saying. When we're living what we talk about, our voices are ones that people can't ignore as easily.

So, it has to start with our daily lives, with our interactions with people. We start with loving people - all people. We love even those who are living lifestyles that we disagree with. We earn the right to speak about those things, by loving people first.

Where can we make a difference for people as we go about our daily lives?

I believe that if we claim to be Christians, then we need to be involved in these issues, just as Jesus was. And Jesus' example in the gospels is one of loving people and caring for them even when His society saw them as other. We start with the people in our paths and put that love in action as we interact with them.

As I've wrestled with this, I've realized just how important it is that we all begin with the little things. For me, it can become too easy to think I'm off the hook because of where I work. But, nothing could be further from the truth. I may work where this is part of our every day life, but if I'm not living it in all of my life, I'm missing out on what intends for me, and my voice is silenced.

Who are the people on periphery of your everyday life that society, or your upbringing, or your thinking has taught you to see as other?

How can you change you interactions with that person now?

What about Social Justice?

Is social justice part of the gospel?

Should the church care about it?

I've watched with interest over the last few weeks that debate that has begun about the role of social justice and the gospel that we, as the church, should be preaching.

The debate began with a statement from some well-known Christian leaders and scholars saying they didn't believe that social justice was a part of the gospel that the church should be proclaiming. Shortly after this statement was published, other Christian leaders and scholars began to talk about how the gospel is incomplete without social justice (here and here).

There are wise and godly men and women on both sides of this debate. People whose thoughts and writing I turn to when I'm wrestling with an issue myself - to help me think it through and form my thoughts based on Scripture. I've spent time reading the arguments on both sides of the debate. And I went back to Scripture to see what it says.

Ultimately, it's God's Word where my understanding needs to come from. As I was studying Scripture on this topic - Jesus' words and actions while He was walking on this planet and at how the early church lived their faith - I came to what seems to me to be the conclusion that makes the most sense to me.

What we often call social justice today is absolutely a vital part of the gospel. If the gospel we're preaching doesn't include this, or even intentionally ignores it, then we're presenting an incomplete gospel to those we're trying to reach.

If this is true, then the church should be at the forefront of these issues in our society.

Not as a political force.

Not in the same way that our world might tell us social justice should look.

But as the hands and feet of Jesus doing the work.

These days the term social justice can divisive. There's more than one definition people throw around for it. I want to be clear on what I'm saying, so before I go any further, I'm going to explain what I mean when I use it.

For the purposes of the rest of this post, social justice is about being involved in caring for, providing dignity, and providing opportunity for those who are commonly seen as less than in our society - whether because of homelessness, addiction, mental health struggles, poverty,r ace, sexuality, or any other way we separate people into groups. It' snot about taking away from one person or group to give it to another. It's about opportunity and removing barriers for people - through education, support, etc. It's about loving and caring for those in our society who need help.

When I look at Jesus' teaching in Scripture, I see a focus on helping the poor and caring for those seen as less than in His day. Jesus treated every person He encountered with dignity and love - whether lepers (Luke 10:11-19), or the woman who was unclean because she had been bleeding for 12 years (Mark 5:25-34), or the Samaritian woman at the well (John 4:1-26).

All of these examples are of people Jesus' society would have said He could ignore and treat poorly, but Jesus didn't do that. He gave them His time, His attention, His healing.

In Matthew 25, Jesus speaks this clearly on this:

"Then the righteous will answer him: Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?
The King will reply: Truly, I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." (Matthew 25:37-40)

I'm not sure where it could be more clear that we need to be involved in these things.

We also see the early church was involved for caring for the poor among them and in their communities. Wee it described in Acts 4:34-35. In Galatians 2:10, we see a conversation between Paul and the apostles that placed and importance on caring for the poor.

Finally in James 1:27 we have the clearest words on this:

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after widows and orphans in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Two things listed that God is looking for in us, and the first is about caring for the poor and defenseless in society.

I see no way around it. Social justice is a vital part of the message of the gospel the church is to be proclaiming to a broken and hurting world. We cannot separate the two.

We may all have different ways we're involved in this based on how God has created us. But, we have no excuse not to get involved.

If you're still reading, I realize I probably stepped on your toes a bit with this. I know studying this stepped on my own toes too. But, I think this is too important an issue to just stay quiet on. Sometimes we need to face the uncomfortable truths we say we believe and see if our actions match them. Whether you agree with me or not, we have to wrestle with this and figure out what it looks like for our lives.

What Stops us from Experiencing God's Promises

God offers promises of blessing in our lives. We cling to those promises as we make our way through whatever comes our way. But, often we don't feel like we ever really get to experience the reality of those promises in our lives. We feel like everything comes up short of what God has said.

Why is this?

Are we wrong in our understanding of what God said?

Are they things that aren't for us?

Have we missed something?

As I was studying the prophet Jeremiah recently, I noticed something important as it relates to this.

Jeremiah 16:19-20 says:

"Therefore this is what the Lord says:
If you repent, I will restore you
     that you may serve Me;
it you utter worthy, not worthless, words,
     you will be My spokesman.
Let this people turn to you,
     but you must not turn to them.
I will make you a wall to this people,
     a fortified wall of bronze;
they will fight against you
     but will not overcome you,
for I am with you
     to rescue and save you.
                    declares the Lord."

God made some pretty great promises to Jeremiah in these verses:

• God would restore Jeremiah
• God would make Jeremiah His spokesman
• The people would not overcome Jeremiah when they came against him
• God would be with Jeremiah and rescue and save him

But, God's words to Jeremiah begin with an important word: IF.

All these promises were for Jeremiah, but he had a choice to make if he wanted to experience them. Living in these promises required Jeremiah to take a step of obedience first. Jeremiah had to choose to turn back to God in repentance and follow Him even when other around him weren't.

I think that's important for us to understand. We're not doing something to try to earn God' favour. But, if we want to experience the fullness of God's promises to us, we have to choose obedience to His ways first. We have to choose to take whatever step is asking us to take. Once we make that choice to follow in obedience, we're able to experience the fullness of God's promises to us.

What is the step of obedience God has asked you to take?

What is holding you back from taking it?

Will you choose to trust God and take it anyways, so you can experience the fullness of what God wants to offer you?

Remembering What God Has Taught You

Sometimes we need to go back and remember the experiences of the past and how God has worked in them. They remind us of the God we serve, and that we've never been left alone.

I was reading some posts from near the beginning of this blog earlier today, and I was reminded of how God has worked in my life. Ten years ago, in September 2008, my comfy, safe world was shaken. It seemed like nothing was predictable anymore. 

But, it was also the beginning of a time of God refining my faith. Without even realizing it, I had begun to place my faith in things going as I had planned and everything making sense in my life. While I don't see the events of September 2008 as being planned by God, I can see how He used them to show me that and to bring me back to putting my faith in Him alone - not my circumstances.

It's important that we remember these sorts of things. When I forget this, it's easy to find myself back where I was ten year ago in a short time. But, when I remember these things that God has taught me, I'm reminded of where I need to keep placing my faith.

In Scripture, we see God directing His people to do exactly this. They were to build altars of remembrance and tell the stories of what God had done for them to the next generations. By communicating these stories and remembering these experiences, they would be encouraging each other to continue on in following God.

What are your experiences with God? How has He worked in your life? What lessons has He taught you?

What is Courage?

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers."

Those words were said to me by a friend in a conversation a little over 10 years ago. Something about these words resonated with me.

My friend wasn't saying that the fear had to go away for courage to exist. Rather, they were saying that courage can exist right alongside fear.

What it all comes down to, is how we handle the fear.

Are we going to allow fear to hold us back from doing something?

Or are we going to do it anyways - even if we still have fear?

I'm not talking about fear that keeps us safe, or keeps us from doing something stupid. That's a healthy and needed fear. The fear I'm talking about is the fear that often keeps us from doing what God is asking us to do. The fear that keeps us from stepping into an opportunity God is providing for us.

The kind of feat holds us back from what God has in store for us. It causes us to miss out on what God may be wanting to do in and through us.

This is what we sometimes have to choose to do something despite the fear. When we choose courage, and in the process, allow God to be shown in and through us.

We only develop this kind of courage when we've taken the time to develop our relationship with God. When we know Him well enough that we can admit our fear about what He's asking of us and declare our trust in Him for the outcome, even in the midst of fear.

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers."

Where do you need courage today?

How if fear holding you back?

Have you talked to God about it?

Will you choose to trust God and move forward anyways?

The Victory is Already Ours

If we already have victory, why are we so often living in defeat?

If we already have victory, why does it seem so hard to live that way?

"You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the One who is in you, is greater than the one who is in the world." (1 John 4:4)

The use of the word "them" when it talks about overcoming has always seemed a bit strange to me. But, when I was reading this verse in the larger context recently, it made more sense to me.

We often use this verse when we talk about being able to defeat Satan in our lives. And that is true and powerful. But, I think this verse paints a broader picture too. In 1 John 4:1-6, John is talking about antichrists who have come to deceive people. They are trying to get us off course.

1 John 4:4 is then talking about the power we have in the spiritual world over all of Satan's forces. It's not just about the ultimate defeat of Satan, but also about the day-to-day defeat of evil spirits who attach us with their deceptions and lies.

So, if this is true, then why do we so often live in defeat?

Why aren't we living in the victory that this passage and so many others say we can?

I think John goes on to answer this in 1 John 5:5 where he says:

"Who is it that overcomes to world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God."

It all comes down to what we believe. Not what we say we believe, but what we actually believe. It's our actions that reveal this.

Far too often we're actually believing the lies of the enemy and his demons over the truth from God. Oh, we might say we believe God and we can probably recite truth from our heads, but we don't really believe it. Our actions reveal what we're truely believing. They show where we're believing lies.

We act on what we truely believe. In fact, that's what belief truely is - putting your life on it, living it out. We can way whatever we want about what we believe, but our actions will show what we're actually believing.

What are you believing? What do your actions say you believe?

Are you willing to let God point out to you the lies you believe, so He can show you the truth? Are you willing to ask Him to help you to live out the truth instead of the lies you've been believing?

It has to translate into our actions and how we live for it to actually be changed. We need to be willing to act on what we say we believe if it's actually going to make a difference and live in the victory Scripture tells us we can have.

Done With Pretending

I was looking back over some of my posts here, and was reminded again of the importance of being who we are with people, of not pretending we have it all together, as I reread a post I wrote in April 2016.

As I read it, I realized that the idea of being done with pretending to be perfect is one of the reasons I've written some of the posts I've written in the last few months. When we live trying to hide things, it's tiring. We live with the "fear of being found out." It's exhausting to live with that.

When we learn to be honest about our struggles and our joys, it changes everything for us. I don't think we need to lay out all of the detail for every person we know or meet. But, we need to have people we're being completely honest with. That frees us from trying to be perfect for everyone we meet. We have people who know and still love us, so we can be free from the concern of trying to tell the whole world we have it all together.

I think the post I wrote that prompted these thoughts is worth posting again, so here it is:

Rain cascaded off the edge of the umbrella forming a stream around her as it soaked the ground. She stood un-moving as she debated stepping out from under the protection. Knowing she would be drenched the moment she did so, she wondered if it was worth it to step out.
Memories of the joy of running and playing in the rain as a little child filled her mind. The times she was unafraid to get a little messy and experience the joy of not worrying what she looked like to others.
When had she become do concerned with looking right to others? With people seeing her as someone who had it all together?
The more she thought about it, the more she realized how tired she was from the work it required. Hiding anything that might be even the slightest bit messy from the world around her took a lot of work. She always had to be paying careful attention, making sure there was no crack for what was underneath to show through for even a brief moment.
Who was she really trying to impress? Was it really worth the energy and the time?
She collapsed the umbrella and let the rain our down on her. Eventually she began to walk, then run, then dance. Laughter echoing with the raindrops hitting the ground.
She'd forgotten the freedom of it until now. Worries about looking right and impressing others vanished from her mind. Cares that had been holding her back released their hold. For those moments she was free to be who she was underneath the masks she usually wore.


I wonder if we're more like this than we really want to admit. Even as I wrote it, I realized how often that struggle is mine.

But, I also know there is freedom that comes with dropping the masks and letting what's underneath be seen. There's freedom in stepping into God's cleansing rain in our lives. In letting it wash away our perfectly manicured and presented selves, to show the broken and the mess we've hidden behind it.

Because when we allow God to wash away the facade we've put up, He can reveal a masterpiece that He has built behind. Out of the broken and the mess of our lives God creates something far more beautiful than our pretend perfection ever was.

Will you step out from under the umbrella? Will you allow the rain to wash away your pretend perfection to reveal God's beautiful work?

The Name of Jesus

In our society today the Name of Jesus has become offensive to many. It's tempting to stop using it and look for less offensive names to use, because we don't want to offend people. But, avoiding the Name of Jesus is dangerous for us as Christians. When we shy away from the very Name that has been our identity for close to 2,000 years, we choose to give up the power and authority we've been given.

Jesus told us to expect this to happen. In John 15:18-25, He tells us that the world will hate us because it hated Him first, and we are claiming His Name as Christians. John 15:21 says, "They will treat you this way because of My Name, for they do not know the One who sent Me." Jesus was preparing His followers for how they would be treated in the days to come.

The early church experienced persecution because of the Name of Jesus. They knew the reality of Jesus' words of warning. The book of Acts records many examples of the persecution they faced because of the Name of Jesus.

But, they also knew that was where all their power and authority came from. They didn't allow the persecution to stop them from calling on the Name of Jesus or acting in the Name of Jesus. Even when it cost them, they continued to claim the Name of Jesus.

Church history is filled with examples of people who continued to claim the Name of Jesus, even at great personal cost. One needs only to read some of the accounts of the martyrs of our faith to see that in action.

So, why are we choosing to stop using the Name of Jesus out of fear of offending people? Why are we shying away from it, when the cost is not yet (for us in the West) as high as it has been for people in our history?

I think for many of us, it's been pretty easy to claim the Name of Jesus in our society, until recently. Whether people agreed with our beliefs or not, they were generally respectful of ours and left us alone. But, that is changing. People now find the Name of Jesus to be offensive and we're not used to that, so we don't know how to respond.

Our response cannot be to stop using the Name of Jesus. Jesus warned us to expect this to come. Even if it becomes costly to claim the Name of Jesus, we must continue to do so, because that is where our power and authority comes from. We call on the Name of Jesus and we do all that we do in the Name of Jesus.

I'm not saying we should go out and look for how we can offend people with the Name of Jesus. That defeats the message of the gospel. But, our love for people and desire for them to understand the truth must be stronger than our fear of offending people with the Name of Jesus.

The Name of Jesus is offensive to some because of the power and authority it has - something they know deep inside because of the image of God in them. The Name of Jesus should never be offensive because of our words or actions.

The good news for us is that we don't have to live this way in our own strength. We have the Holy Spirit in us to help us live this way. The Holy Spirit in us empowers us to live our lives in the Name of Jesus.

Obeying the Opportunities God Provides

Sometimes things happen that remind me of how amazing it is to be a part of a local church. For all it's imperfections and the times something happens that brings hurt, there are just as many times when what happens is a beautiful picture of what it should be.

One of those moments happened for me recently. I was having a hard time with something and expressed that. I said it specifically to someone I knew and who knew my story so I didn't have to share the details. There was another person standing nearby who noticed I was having a hard time. They didn't try to get details about what was going on, or join in the conversation. They simply put a hand on my shoulder and spoke a few words of encouragement before they quietly walked away.

I had seen this person around at church before, but I didn't even know their name. They simply took a moment to encourage me when I was struggling and they didn't make a big show of it, or try to get involved in something they weren't invited into.

I didn't fully realize the significance of what they had done until later. But the words they spoke and the fact they would take the time when we didn't know each other played a big part in beginning to change what was going on for me that evening.

It makes me wonder about how I can do the same thing more.

How often have I walked past someone having a hard time and thought about what I could say to encourage them and just kept going?

How many opportunities to bring light into someone's darkness have I just walked by?

I'm not thinking about these things because I want to feel guilty about those times. They're about a realization that I have these same opportunities and a challenge to step into them, instead of walking by them. It takes only a minute for me, but it could be really important to that person.

Whether we know the outcome of our obedience to God in these things or not isn't what's important. The importance is that we follow through. That we listen to these promptings from God as go about our days.

In the time since this experience for me, my prayer has been that God would help me to see these moments where a couple minutes of my time can make a difference in someone's day. And then that I would have the willingness and the courage to follow through on those promptings.

I would invite you to join me in that. I believe it is the way we were meant to live.

Communicating with Grace and Love

The conversations about hot topics in society today are becoming more and more divisive and polarizing. Whether they're being had in society at large or in the church, we're becoming really good at mud-slinging toward those who don't agree with us.

It's made me think about how we should actually be responding.

What does it look like to respond in a godly manner?

How do we respond with truth without falling into the attacking of people that has become so common?

I don't want to get into a political debate about any of the current issues. That's not my point here. I'm not looking at the specifics of what our responses should or should not be. I want to look at what the overall tone of our response should be. How we should be dealing with people whether we agree with them or not.

In all of these conversations our tone must be filled with grace. We have to offer grace to everyone in how we respond. This doesn't mean we shouldn't speak the truth of what God's Word says, but it does impact how we communicate that truth.

Our approach shouldn't be about proving we're right and making the other person feel small or stupid for disagreeing with us. That will close people's ears to what we're saying. We have to communicate our love for all people as we communicate the truth. Yes, this is difficult in a society that equates disagreement with one's view as not liking the person. But, somehow we have to figure out what that looks like.

As vital as communicating this way is when it comes to society at large, I believe we need to be just as careful when we communicate within the church. In our fallen world, we need to speak the truth lovingly and with grace to those within our walls too. Often, we don't know what the other people around us in church have walked through and how something we say might impact them. If we want to be places where people come to find healing and freedom, then we have to be thoughtful in how we communicate.

I'm not saying we shouldn't speak the truth. We absolutely have to. But, if we communicate that truth without grace and love we won't be heard by the people we're speaking to. This is true in everything, but I think it's even more  important when it comes to some the hot topics in our society today.

If we speak the truth in a way that condemns someone for their past in that area, we have actually failed to communicate the truth. Instead, we're communicating judgement. When we speak the truth of God's Word in these areas, we need to be speaking about repentance, forgiveness, and grace alongside. Not as an after-thought, but as part of the truth we're speaking.

Whatever situation we may find ourselves in when these topics come up for conversation, our response should be different than that of the world. Not just because it's what the Bible says, but because we're doing our best to really love others - both inside and outside of the church. It's about following Christ's example, not trying to be right.

Discard Darkness & Armor Up with Light

What does it mean to discard darkness?

How do we armor up with light?

"The night is nearly over and the day is near; so let us discard the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light." (Romans 13:12, CSB)

There are a few words in this verse that really jumped out at me when I read them recently.

The first thing was where it talks about discarding the deeds of darkness. Other translations say to put aside the deed of darkness in this verse. For me, the word discard when I read it in this translation was what stuck, rather than saying put aside. I tend to see putting aside as leaving something to come back to it later, but discarding speaks of something more permanent to me.

We should be removing the deeds of darkness from our lives for good. We discard them and they're not there for us to take back up again. They're not something we can go back to.

This isn't easy, but it's necessary. This verse goes on to say what we should take up when we discard the deeds of darkness.

We put on the armor of light. I'd never really thought about light as armor before. Light exposes and reveals, but I didn't see it as something that protects like I think of armor. Light doesn't hide anything.

But, I guess that really is armor against the deeds of darkness. These deeds depend on darkness to hide them from view, so when we take up the armor of light, we expose them for the what they really are. In this way, it does make light armor - it protects us from being deceived into doing the deeds of darkness.

To discard the deeds of darkness, we first have to allow God to point them out to us. We go His Word and we go to Him in prayer and ask Him to show us the places where we are engaged in the deeds of darkness.

Once they've been revealed, we repent of them and turn to God's ways. We choose to walk in His ways, and that means we are walking in the light. Walking in the light is how we armor up with light. We refuse to walk in  the shadows, and instead choose to walk in God's ways and stay in the His light.

Where are you engaging in the deeds of darkness in your life? Are you willing to allow God to point them out?

Will you choose to walk in the light of God's truth and God's ways instead?

More Than Conquerors!

What does it mean that we're more than conquerors?

How is this possible?

Romans 8:37 says, "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors."

The words "more than conquerors" jumped off the page at me when I read it recently. I've these words lots before, but it was like I was reading them for the first time.

As I looked at the context of this verse, I realized the whole passage is about the victory we already have in Christ! We get to live from a place of victory, not a place of defeat. The passage around this verse (Romans 8:31-39) talks about the victory we have in Christ.

This isn't a victory brought about by what we have done. It's brought about by the work of Christ on our behalf. This means there is nothing that can separate me from it. This victory isn't going away. It is secure.

When we fully understand this, it changes the way we live. It changes how we approach the daily battles when we know our ultimate victory has already been secured. We fight differently when we're not fighting from a place of defeat. We fight confidently when we know the outcome is victory.

It doesn't mean it suddenly becomes easy or that we don't have any battles to fight. We still have hard and bloody battles to fight. It's still messy. But, it does give us hope in the middle of long and difficult battles. A hope that helps us to keep fighting.

What battle are you fighting that you're ready to quit?

Are you fighting it from a place of defeat? Or are you standing in the victory that has already been achieved for you through Christ?

God's Word tells us we are more than conquerors. We get to fight from a place of victory.

Blessing in the Struggle?

I've written a lot about the struggles and challenges of living with an anxiety disorder. I've tried to share honestly about what it looks like. In doing so, I've also started to see a side of it that I hadn't thought too much about before now. In the midst of the daily battle, it's easy to just see the challenges. But, as I've written more about it, I've begun to more clearly see the blessing in it and the way God is using it in my life.

Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." I've always struggled with this verse - especially in regards to this part of my life. If God is about working for my good, then why do I have this struggle in my life?

But, I've recently come to see that this verse isn't about God only allowing good things in our lives. It's about God taking all that happens in our lives and using it for good - for His purposes. He will take it and use it to bring Him glory in and with our lives.

As I've begun to grasp this, I still don't think I would say I'm thankful for this particular struggle. But, I am thankful that it doesn't mean God can't use me and I'm thankful for what He has done in me through this. I'm sure God could have taught me some of these lessons in other ways, but I know I've learned them, at least in part, because of living with social anxiety disorder.

One of the biggest things I've learned is that there's nothing that prevents God from using you. I know that in my own strength, I can't do a lot of what I do. It's all God choosing to use me that way despite something that would seem to disqualify me from doing that.

I've had to learn to rely on God in a deeper way than I would without this. On the days when I'm really struggling to just keep going, the only way I can do it to rely on God. Sometimes all I can do is pray and trust Him to do it when I can't.

As someone who likes to be able to do it well on their own, this hasn't always been easy. And I haven't always seen it as a blessing. For a long time I saw it just as a weakness. But lately, I've been learning that it's a blessing to be completely dependent on God for everything. It's how we were created to live, and it's a much better way than trying to do it all on our own.

Sometimes I Just Want to Avoid this Part of Church

Greeters at the door when you walk in the building.

Ushers at the door when you go to find a seat.

At some point during the service someone up front will tell you to introduce yourself to the people around you.

I get why. I see the importance of making sure everyone feels welcome. And it's part of being the family of God to actually get to know each other, and that often starts with a simple greeting. It is an important part of what we do as a church. If you came to the Bible study I lead on a Monday night, you would find me doing exactly these things.

But, it's also the part of church I struggle with the most. In a typical service, at least three times I feel like I have to make brief conversation with people I may or may not know. I'll be honest that I do my best to avoid it sometimes. Sometimes that's just easier for me, because of how I'm managing that day.

And, the unfortunate reality is that, sometimes, the responses of people when I do need to avoid that part that time are far from helpful. When I've chosen to sit down while everyone else is greeting each other, I've had some people make it a big deal about coming over to shake my hand then. Of course, I smile back and shake their hand, but inside I'm dying. I've had greeters follow me to make sure they say hi to me and shake my hand. Again, I respond in as friendly a manner as I can muster, but inside I'm wishing I could just run.

I don't assume people are trying to make things hard for me on purpose. My assumption is that they have a desire to make sure everyone feels welcome. And, in the process of doing so, they don't even realize that they're actually making me feel unwelcome. I can end up feeling singled out or overwhelmed - like there's something wrong with me because I sometimes have a need to avoid these types of interactions.

For me, it's the reality of living with social anxiety disorder and still being a part of a community. Some days when I go to something at church, I don't have the capability or capacity to engage in these sorts of interactions because it is taking all I have in me just to be there. I know I still need to be in church community, but, to manage, I will do my best to avoid these situations. I'm not trying to be rude, although I know it may look like it sometimes; I'm simply trying to have as normal a life as I possibly can.

And there are other times when I'll engage with these parts of church more readily. They may still be difficult for me, but that day isn't a struggle just to be there, so I have some capacity for this. And I know that the more I do so, when I'm able to, the more it will help to manage in the more difficult times.

I've spent a few days trying to figure out how to end this post, but really haven't been able to come up with a way to end. I'm not even sure there really is some neat conclusion or helpful advice I can end with. This is one of those things where we need to keep doing these things, because they are important. But, there are also always going to be people who struggle with them and try to avoid them.

When I think about my purpose in writing this post, which usually gives me some way of ending, I think it is about sharing an experience of things that falls outside of what many people experience. This isn't about just not enjoying these sorts of things and wishing they wouldn't happen. This is about an anxiety that comes in social situations that actually makes it more difficult to engage in these "normal activities."

Sharing Pain & Joy

I've been thinking a lot about our need for connection with others lately. It's what we need. We're looking for a place where we really belong with others.

But this looking for connection, for a place to belong only comes when we learn how to show up for people and with people. In the good times and the hard times. In the times were it's easy to show up and in the times when it's difficult of uncomfortable to show up.

It's easy, or at least easier most of the time, to show up for joy-filled celebrations. To celebrate with others. We seem to do better at this than at showing up when it's hard.

But, we struggle to know how to show up when things are hard. In her book Braving the Wilderness, Brene Brown puts it this way:

"Not enough of us know how to sit in pain with others. Worse, our discomfort shows up in ways that can hurt people and reinforce their own isolation."

Later on in the same chapter, she calls this a ministry of presence.

"An experience of collective pain does not deliver us from grief or sadness; it is a ministry of presence. These moments remind us that we are not alone in our darkness and that our broken heart is connected to every heart that has known pain since the beginning of time."

The book isn't written as what we would call a "Christian book" today, yet she still saw fit to call this a ministry of presence. Speaking to how powerful it is to have people show up in our hard times, in our pain and just be there with us.

It's not about saying or doing something specific, or the right thing. It's not about having an answer or a solution to fix the problem. It's not even about how close you were before this time.

It's about being willing to just be with someone. To just sit with them and not try to solve the situation or make them happy again. It's acknowledging their pain and what they're feeling and being okay with that not changing right away.

I think our struggle to show up sometimes comes because we feel vulnerable ourselves. Because we're not sure how to handle our own joy or pain, we get scared of others' joy or pain. It requires courage for us to show up, for us to have a ministry of presence.

How are you doing at showing up for people in both joyful and painful times?

Our Need for Real Friendship

I've been reading in 1 Samuel recently. There are a couple of chapters that I think show us a vitally important part of life for all of us. 1 Samuel 19 & 20 reveal the depth of friendship that David and Jonathan had.

These chapters take place at a time when David's life is threatened by King Saul, Jonathan's father. At the start of these two chapters David is still present in Saul's service, by they end with David running for his life. Throughout David and Jonathan's interactions, you see the depth of their friendship.

At first, Jonathan didn't want to believe that his father wanted to kill David, so he set out to find out the truth for both of them. When Jonathan did learn that his father really did want to kill David, he said his tearful good-bye to David and sent him away. The tears that both David and Jonathan cried revealed how much they cared for each other. They didn't know when or if they would see each other again when they said this good-bye.

When I look at David and Jonathan's friendship, I see something that I think we need more of in our lives today. We're constantly connected through our phones and social media, but we've lost the real connection with people that we need. We're lonely despite this seeming constant connection.

I think what we're missing is the depth of friendship that we see in David and Jonathan. Most, if not all of our connections, are only at a surface level. We manage what others see, but that keeps everyone at a distance.

I think Brene Brown explains the issue well in her book, Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone.

"We experience loneliness when we feel disconnected. Maybe we've been pushed to the outside of a group that we value, or maybe we're lacking a sense of belonging. At the hear of loneliness is the absence of meaningful social interaction."

We need people in our lives who we care about and who care about us. And to care about one another we have to allow people past our carefully managed social media personas. We have to be willing to be vulnerable and let people in.

To Quote Brene Brown again:

"To combat loneliness, we must first learn to identify it and to have the courage to see that experience as a warning sign. Our response to that warning sign should be to find connection."

And we're only going to have those people to find connection with if we do the work of finding people we can learn to trust. We need friends like David and Jonathan were for each other. Friends we have fun and laugh with. And friends we can cry with and share the hard parts of life as well.

How are you doing at developing real connections with people? The kind of connections that combat loneliness?

What the Church Does Well

As I've looked over my last few posts, I've realized that I've spent a lot of time talking about where we have issues and challenges we need to address in the church. These are things I'm passionate about and it's easy to write about them. But, I'm also passionate about what the church does well and I want to point out the good I see as well.

I think it's especially important that what is done well is acknowledged, especially when it comes to how the church works with singles who are a part of their community. When things are challenging, we can miss the good because we're so focused on the other.

My perspective on this one may be more limited than on some other things. I write based on my own experiences, and in this case I've only ever been a part of two churches in my life. And one of those churches was while I was away at Bible college. Outside of my experience, it's based on what I've gleaned from conversations with singles at other churches.

Probably the thing I appreciate most is that everything is not segregated along the lines of married and single. Of course there are things that happen that are specific to marriages. But, everything else is open to everyone and all are welcome regardless of their marital status. This may not seem like a big deal to some, but I do know that it could often be easier to draw those lines and remove some challenges.

I also appreciate the people in the church who seek to understand and to make everyone feel welcome. I've had enough experiences of feeling like the odd one out, that I truely appreciate those who make everyone feel welcome. At so many events at the church, it can feel awkward to take a seat at a table as a single person because that means unless another person who has come alone (whether single or married) sits at that same table, you've given the table an odd number of people. I appreciate the people who invite me to join their table at something and don't make a big deal out of things.

Our Responses to the Longings Someone Expresses

Have you shared a longing for something with someone?

How did they respond? Did they acknowledge that longing? Or did they tell you the longing was a problem?

I'm not talking about something sinful, or a longing that is an idol. I'm talking about a longing, a desire, for something created by God as good and given to us as a gift. We can desire good things from God, things that are honouring to Him, yet the responses we receive when we express those things to others can leave us feeling like we're desiring something sinful.

When I answer the questions I opened this post with I'm thinking specifically about a desire to be married one day. But, in many situations, I've learned this is a dangerous longing to express based on some of the responses I've received. Most were likely well-intentioned responses, but they were hurtful anyways. Some were just plain theologically dangerous.

I finished a book recently that spoke to a lot of these sorts of things. The author worded the dilemma here much better than I can:

"If we can't even give voice to our God-honoring desires, how on earth can we pursue them in a healthy, honest way? We have to make space for this kind of dialogue in the church. We have to allow room for longing, for confession, for intimacy." (Joy Beth Smith, "Party of One: Truth, Longing, and Subtle Art of Singleness")

I actually wonder if it's our (the church as a whole) uncomfortableness with the entire topic of singleness that causes us to respond in hurtful ways without intending to do so. This is thinking that we've all bought into - both married and single people. But, I also believe we can change that.

"Part of reworking the narrative comes in refusing to believe that a person is at fault for her own singleness. This is one of the underlying assumptions in the flawed thinking we currently accept without question. Even as single people we've digested this and believe it to be true." (Joy Beth Smith, "Party of One")

Think for a moment about some of the responses we give when someone tells us about a desire they have marriage. Or, if you're single, maybe some of the responses you've received when you express a desire for marriage.

1. God will bring someone when you're ready.
2. Stop looking and God will bring someone.
3. If you desire it that much, then you must be making it an idol.

All of these responses do a couple of things. They make it out to be a problem the person desiring marriage has that is keeping them from getting married. They also imply that marriage is a promise for everyone and that we just have to get everything on our end in order to receive it.

Whether we mean them that way or not, they are hurtful responses. And they're simply not true.

This means we need to change the way we respond here.

What if we responded with empathy for the unmet desire?

What if we acknowledged that it must be hard rather than trying to offer advice?

As I close, I'm going to share one more quote from Joy Beth Smith's book, "Party of One: Truth, Longing, and the Subtle Art of Singleness."

"Honestly, it's crushing to live under the constant weight of unmet desires. It's hard to long for something you have little to no control over actually obtaining." (Joy Beth Smith)

These words are true and they need to be something we hold in mind as we listen to people talk about their unmet desires. I believe it would change the way we respond to one another in these conversations.

How do we Actually See Singleness in the Church?

As I was standing in my local Christian bookstore recently, I was struck by what I saw on the shelf. When I scanned my eyes across the shelves looking at the names of the sections for books. I was struck by the space was divided.

There was a startling contrast in the amount of space give to different topics. Some of the sections were quite large and general to most people who would be looking for a book - Christian living, devotionals, various types of fiction, etc. But that wasn't the part that caught my eye.

As I continued to look at the shelves, I saw sections labelled men's issue, women's issues, parenting, marriage, singles, and possibly a few others I've forgotten. Some had much space on the shelves, some had little. The section on marriage had more than a shelf, while the section for singles had only a few books - the label took up more space than the books. Half the books in that section were actually on dating and preparing for marriage while you're single. A closer look at the section on women's issues revealed that at least two-thirds of the books there were on being a wife or a mother.

That disparity struck me as picture of how it can feel to be a single person in the church. There are times when there is so much focus on marriage and being a good spouse and/or parent, that if you're single and have no kids, it can be easy to feel left out.

Before you say my example from the Christian bookstore is not a great picture because that's just what has been written, but let me tell you that is simply not true. A look at what I have on my bookshelf at home would tell you that. But, I've had to look long and hard for those books that aren't about dating or preparing for marriage. Often purchasing them with little more information about them than the title and the topic. And they're mostly good books, that need to be better available to the entire church - whether single or married.

When I look around at who is gathered at the service I attend at my church on any given weekend, I see a much larger number of single adults past college-age than I think many people realize. Some are single by choice, while others would rather be married and have families of their own. Some have been married and aren't anymore, while others have never been married.

Yes, we live in a society where marriage and family are under attack and we absolutely need to support marriages and families in our churches. We should want them to thrive. We should be providing resources and support there.

But, I also think the way we approach singleness needs to be changed. There is a problem when the only time we talk about singleness is in regards to preparing for marriage.At this point in my life, although I still very much desire to be married, I want to live a full and God-honouring life while I'm single. I can't just focus all my time on preparing for a marriage that may or may not happen for me.

God doesn't promise any of us marriage in Scripture. But when everything (or, at least most things) we offer for singles is about preparing for marriage, it implies that we believe everyone will get married one day. This is harmful for individuals and the church as a whole.

As I've tried to figure out how to end this post and sum up what I've been trying to say, I've been drawn back to a book on this topic I just finished reading. As with most books I read, there are parts of this book I agree with and parts I don't. But, when it comes to the topic of this post, I feel like the author sum it up well.

The book is called Party of One: Truth. Longing, and the Subtle Art of Singleness by Joy Beth Smith.

"The problem with viewing singleness as a season is that we relegate our time here to something to be endured, not celebrate. . . . singleness is not a season with a guaranteed end in this life. And we can't spend our days trying to wait it out, constantly looking for what we have next."

"Only in acknowledging the value of each unique path that God is mapping out, can we come to understand what it means to embrace life and live it well."

If singleness isn't just a season or a place to prepare for what we generally see as coming next, then our thinking has to change. We have to learn to celebrate life wherever we're at - and value this in the church.

What Does it Look Like to be the Family of God?

I wrote a post a couple of years ago about a challenge that comes with the change of schedule in summer. As I reread it recently I still resonated with the every word I wrote then.

It is hard when the arrival of the May long weekend typically means a transition to sitting at home alone most evenings and a greater challenge in getting people to commit to making any kind of a plan with you. I understand that it is often a very necessary change of pace. I understand the desire to take advantage of the different activities that come with warmer weather.

But, that doesn't change the fact that, for me and many others like me, summer can be a very lonely and isolating time. It's often very difficult to add anything to a calendar that has nothing more than work and going home to my house where there's no family waiting for me, every day for a week or more at a time. This is really nice for a few days and then it becomes suffocating and isolating.

All of this leaves me asking me one question.

Before I share it, this is my preface: This isn't an easy question. It gets in our business. It challenges every single one of us who call themselves Christians.

If we, as Christians, as the church, are the family of God, then why are content to leave a large portion of our family lonely and isolated for one quarter of the year?

Now, before you take issue with me asking this question, realize that I'm not asking to any one part of the church; I'm asking it to all of us. No matter whether we are single or married, with kids or without kids, are a young adult or a senior, if we're part of the church this question is one for all of us.I ask this question as much of myself as I do you - those who are reading this.

There is a large segment of our church community who don't work around the school calendar - there's no Christmas break, or spring break, or extended summer break. Yet, often in the church it seems as if there's an assumption that everyone's lives work according to the school calendar. There's a large number of people - single and married of all different ages - for whom the school calendar has no impact.

Obviously, there are many facets of the answer to this question. And my own experiences and life situation are going to be at play in how I deal with this. Just as it will have an impact on how you would answer this question. Because of that, I don't think I have the final solution for how we deal with this. But, I do believe it's a conversation that absolutely has to be had and every one of us needs to have a voice.

So, back to my question:

If we, as Christians, as the church, are the family of God, then why are content to leave a large portion of our family lonely and isolated for one quarter of the year?

The time frame I'm talking about is the 3 - 1/2 months book-ended by the May and September long weekends. In much of the church (and to some degree our society in general), those weekends often signal the beginning and end of the "ministry year." But, even beyond formal ministry in the church, they also seem to signal the beginning and end of a time period when people will schedule anything other than a camping trip or a vacation.

All of this presents a challenge. A challenge that leaves some people feeling lonely an isolated.

When I think of a family, I think of a group of people of all ages and walks of life who love and care for each other. We often talk of church as the family of God. Most of the time family does things together, supports each other, loves each other. Of course, in our fallen world, this doesn't always happen, but I think we all have some idea what it should be. The thing about a healthy family is that they included everyone regardless of their circumstances or life situation.

I've tried to figure out how to say this part without being really blunt, and I can't do it, so I'm going to say it and then hopefully explain what I mean.

When the family of God stops everything, "because it's summer," "because school's out," "because it's nice outside," "because people are away," it makes some of us feel like we're being left out of the family - whether it's intentional or not.

Since, I'm in the habit these last few posts of being brutally honest about things here. The thoughts that run through my mind when I'm told there won't be anything scheduled, whether church ministry or social events for 3 - 1/2 months aren't great. I can think of all sorts of ways to refute those reasons. If I'm not careful, it's really easy to begin to feel like I'm not really considered part of the family of God (or, at least I'm not from mid-May to the beginning of September).

For a long time, I didn't communicate any of this to anyone. I kept it all inside. And that makes me just as much a part of the problem as anyone else may be.

But, it also means I have as much an opportunity as anyone else to be a part of the solution. But, there's no chance of anything being different if we don't say anything, if we're not willing to have some potentially uncomfortable conversations.

So, what do we do?

I don't know that we have to change everything all at once, but there are small things we all can do to better be the family of God for each other. We need to have those uncomfortable conversations. Everyone needs to be able to explain what they are looking for and what they need from the family of God. And we need to seriously consider what those who have a different view than us are saying.

As we talk, we need to show grace and love to each other. And figure out how we can better love and include all members of the family of God. It doesn't have to be hard. It starts small. After I first had this conversation with some friends a couple years ago, those friends listened and cared. Realizing what I was looking for when I asked for more scheduled things over summer and that I also wanted to respect their time for additional family time, meant that we were better able to be the family of God for each other.

Really, it starts with things as simple as invitations to each other's places for dinner, or to join in an activity of some kind. Or a plan for a camping trip together. All things, that put more on the calendar for some who find the summer lonely and isolating - making it just a little less so.

Maybe that is all that's needed. And maybe at some point, we need to have a bigger conversation about how we do things. That is something that remains an unknown, but we'll never know for sure until we start somewhere.

Talking About It Despite The Fear

I guess this is becoming part in a bit of a series about anxiety (you can read part 1 and part 2 here) on here about this. When I wrote that first post, I never really intended to write more on it, but here we go.

One of the questions I've been asked recently is:
If it's so scary to out it out there for others to read, why do I do it?
If it's so easily misunderstood by people, why do I take the risk?

I guess my answer is that, while it's scary, it's also liberating. There's no longer a feeling of pretending in my life. There's no longer an added fear of being "found out" when something happens.

For the first 8 years after I was told I had social anxiety disorder I didn't tell anyone. I kept it to myself and just did my best to structure my life in a way that (at least I thought) wasn't overly obvious to people. But, about 3 years ago a series of events rendered that impossible to do anymore. Everything became too much for me to manage on my own. As it impacted more and more areas of my carefully structured life, I couldn't keep it to myself anymore.

I no longer had a choice about telling people. Those first conversations terrified me (even more than the first post I wrote a couple of weeks on this), but afterwards I felt a sort of freedom I hadn't expected. There's something powerful about letting other people into your biggest struggles. I was no longer alone in it. And I found incredible love and support in those people I told.

As I moved slowly beyond that time and was able to manage better again, I realized my biggest help had come from being open about my struggle with this. That inviting and allowing other people in was important. I also realized how many others may be struggling with the same things we are, but staying quiet because we thing no one else will understand.

I was also painfully aware of the stigma that still often comes with any kind of mental health struggle - both inside and outside of the church. And I knew the only way this would change would be for people to keep talking about it, so we can one day change the conversation about it.

All of that is why I choose to continue to talk about this. Keeping it to myself didn't help me, it doesn't help others, and it will never change the conversations we have about it. The changes when we talk about it, despite the fear and misunderstanding. Our silence leaves everything the same.

So I choose to keep talking about this, despite the fear. I will talk about this despite the comments that all it would take to be "cured" is more faith in God and more prayer (believe me, I pray and I believe God can heal me of this, but it hasn't happened yet). I will talk about this despite the times other misunderstand what I'm trying to say.

But, mostly, I will talk about this because it brings freedom - for me and for others. Keeping silent about our struggles binds us up. When we talk about them, freedom can come.