Rediscovering a Sense of Purpose

 What do you do when your sense of purpose is taken away?

How do you rediscover a sense of purpose when a large part of what made that up is suddenly & unexpectedly removed?

These are questions I've wrestled with a lot in the last 13 months.

As most who have read things I've written in that timeframe will know, 13 months is how long it's been since I lost the job I'd had for 17 years, largely due to things I had no control over & no opportunity to speak into.

Beyond the fact that I was thrust into the unknown of navigating unemployment & finding a new job, in the moment I walked out the door of that office where I'd spent many hours & significant amounts of energy & passion, I was walking away from a large part of what I had seen as my life purpose for the 17 years I'd been there.

I wasn't often on the frontline of the work done there, but keeping bills paid, payroll accurate, & reports submitted to keep funding coming was important to the frontline work continuing. I walked into the office everyday with a sense that I was a part of something that changed lives everyday - even though most outside those I called coworkers at the time would never know who I was. As I walked out that door for the last time, I walked away from all that.

So, I was left with tough questions to wrestle with. I continued to wrestle while I was unemployed & as I returned to work in a new workplace. Even as I found & began a new job, that sense of purpose still felt elusive. Afterall, while we all have plumbing, heating, & air conditioning needs, the life changing aspect of what I used to do still seemed to be missing.

But, as I've discovered in the last 13 months, a sense of purpose doesn't have to come from the work I do everyday. In fact, I've realized it doesn't for a lot of people. No matter what fills your day for work, there can be a sense of purpose in how you do things - in how you interact with people. Wherever we are & whoever is in front of my in that moment is part of my purpose.

Giving the person right in front of me my full attention is more important than anything I can do for work. I don't think I'll ever forget the moments that drove this home for me.

The first came a few weeks into my time of being unemployed. I was playing a game with my niece & she said something about how she liked it much better since I stopped checking my phone all the time when I was with her. I hadn't realized how much checking work messages to just attempt to keep on top of things had creeped into my time with her.

The second was when I told my niece I had a new job. I could tell she wanted to be excited for me, but something was bugging her. When I finally got her to tell me what was up, she told me she was worried I'd go back to checking my phone all the time. I had to reassure that it would be different this time.

That's when I realized that my work doesn't have to provide the purpose. Each person & each interaction is my purpose in that moment. The best thing I can do is give my full attention in the moment. That's how I can love others the way God wants us to. That's how I have a sense of purpose no matter what I do.

I'm challenged to make sure my phone is put away when I'm with people - especially with my niece. Rather than going through life distracted, I'm choosing to give my full attention to those who are in front of me each day.

What is one thing you can do to embrace your purpose & give your attention fully to what is in front of you each day?

Showing Up & Asking for Help

 "Would you like me to drive you?"

In a simple question in a text, a friend reminded me a few weeks ago that I had a community to do life with. That I didn't have to do it all on my own.

The truth is: I know this. 

When I think about it, I know that I have a number of people who I could have asked. People who would have been willing to say yes, if they could.

But, in the moment, it can be hard to make the ask. In a world where doing it all on your own is prized & encouraged, it's easy to not ask. It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking I need to be a strong, independent, single woman & do it on my own.

Yet, going all the way back to Genesis, we see that God said it wasn't good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). Whether you see this verse as being specifically related to marriage or not, there is one thing we can be sure of: God didn't intend for us to do this life alone. Scripture continues to remind us of this as we read it (see Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 & Hebrews 10:23-25). We were created to need each other, to do life together.

A simple text with a simple question. A friend giving of their time to drive me to an appointment, wait for me, & drive me home. It reminded me of a powerful truth.

We don't have to do this alone. We can & should ask others for help when we need it. This is how God intended us to live.

And it challenged me as a single person. Sometimes it can be easy to use the fact that I live alone & can look after myself as an excuse not to ask for help when I need it. 

The truth was that I really did need someone to go with me to that appointment, but I wasn't going to ask. I was afraid of imposing on someone (. . . & yes, I know some of you reading this will be quick to tell me it's not that). I was afraid of looking like I couldn't handle things on my own.

But, as single adults, we need to have that community around us that can help us when we need. People we can call or text when we need a ride somewhere, or just need to know we're not alone. 

Grief & Anniversaries

 I've been thinking about how we handle grief in our society a lot recently. 

Or, as I sometimes wonder . . . how we misunderstand & mishandle grief.

It's been a topic coming up a lot as I approach an anniversary I never expected to have. It's just a couple days away from one year since I lost my job.

I hadn't thought much about it until a about month ago. I noticed that as I looked at the calendar for May I had no desire to plan anything. Even getting organized for things I usually look forward to just didn't motivate me to do anything.

It wasn't until I actually really looked at the date on the calendar in the middle of May that I realized what was going on. Even though I wasn't conscious of it at first, my body was remembering the events of a year ago.

Even after I realized this, I was still confused about why I was responding like this. After going back to some of the resources that helped me at the time & asking my counsellor, I started to see how my surprise & confusion over all of this stems from our misunderstanding & mishandling of grief.

We tend to associate grief with the death of someone we loved. And that's a time where grief is accepted & expected. We make space for it. And we should. We all for the anniversary of it to be hard again.

But, as I've written before, that's far from the only time we experience grief. It comes any time we a experience a loss - no matter how big or small. And we need to make space for all that comes with that - when it happens & when anniversaries & reminders occur that bring up the feeling again.

For me, that's meant acknowledging that it's hard to be motivated to do much right now. Giving myself grace for just sitting at home sometimes. But, also still getting out with people & doing things.

And letting people in my life know what's going on.

As I've shared this, I was reminded of how we don't handle this well. Many people seemed to be genuinely surprised that I would be struggling right now. Because I'm generally okay these days & don't talk about it much, it sometimes felt like people expected it to not affect me anymore.

I don't fault them for it. That's what we've been taught in our society. Grief happens when something happens & then it's done.

But, I've learned through this experience & the loss of my Grandma a few years ago, that grief comes in cycles. And, just because the feelings of sadness or anger over the loss come up again doesn't necessarily mean there's more to process or work through. 

It's all part of a journey that isn't linear. We don't move through the "stages of grief" in an order or a set timeframe. And there are things that will remind us of the loss & we'll feel it again for a bit.

What we actually need to do is learn to allow ourselves to feel the feelings. To acknowledge it. To not run from it.

We move through it. And, often, we just need to feel it - not try to solve it.