The Problem of 90s Purity Culture

 If you grew up in church youth groups in the 90s, then the title of this post tells you a lot what I'm going to talk about today. But, for those of you who don't know, I'll start with a bit of a summary.

The 90s was when the "True Love Waits" movement. complete with signing pledge cards and purity rings was in full swing. While the message of what the Bible says about how we should love with our sexuality was well-intentioned, it was carried to an extreme that caused harm and hurt to a lot of those who grew up in it.

As part of trying to get teenagers to understand what happens when you go outside of God's plan for our sexuality, the example of pulling tape apart after you stuck it together was often use. While it is true that God has good reason for the way He instructs us to handle our sexuality in Scripture, and we can live with the consequences of our choices, that example was harmful. In many cases, it left those listening feeling like they were forever damaged and unforgivable for things they had done.

Even for those who didn't cross those lines, there was hard, although it may not have been as immediately visible until into our adult years. In all the purity culture teaching of the 90s, there was an implication that if you follow God's plan for your sexuality as a teenager, God would reward you with marriage in your early twenties and great sex in your marriage. Neither of which were a guarantee or a reality for many.

What this purity culture teaching did was create a generation of people who were brought up afraid of experiencing God's judgement. And forever wondering if you've been good enough in this area. We keep quiet about our struggles in this area out of shame and fear of judgement.

And, if we haven't stayed on the path we were taught in youth group, we struggle to believe we can be forgiven for it. We live in defeat, condemnation, and judgement of ourselves.

The only way to bring healing to the spiritual trauma in this area for many of us is to acknowledge the pain, bring it out of the secret places, and let it be witnessed. Exactly what I've written about in previous posts on the topic of spiritual trauma.

But bring this into the open isn't easy when the teaching is ingrained in you causes shame if you've stumbled or struggled in this area. There's shame and a stigma that carries over. Speaking up and sharing personally, if at all, often comes in mumbled admissions, faltering words. And how others respond can begin the healing journey or further the wounding.

No More Sin?

Is it really possible for those who follow God to stop sinning completely?

It kind of seems like Scripture tells us that if we're in Christ, we shouldn't sin anymore. But, in my experience this really doesn't feel possible.

I just finished reading 1 John. In this letter, John seems to say that if we are in Christ, we don't keep on sinning.

"Dear children, do not let anyone lead you astray. The one who does what is right is righteous just as He is righteous. The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the devil's work. No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God's seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God." (1 John 3:7-9)

What does John mean when He says those born of God don't go on sinning? How is that possible given that we all still struggle with sin?

This seems especially strange for John to say in light of what John writes earlier:

"If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us." (1 John 1:8)

How does that fit?

I think John's point here is more about our attitude toward sin in our lives. 

When we're not walking in God's ways, sin is no big deal to us. We're not bothered by it. Mostly, we don't even think about it. It's probably not even called sin in our lives. We just go on doing whatever it is we want to do.

But, when we're born of God, we're bothered by sin in our lives. We can't just merrily go along pretending it's all okay. We're bothered by sin and do something about it.

It's not that we never sin again. It's that we're not content to stay in our sin.

We decide to make different choices. We stop doing certain activities or going to certain places or hanging out with certain people.

We fill our time and our minds with choices that keep us from sin.

We seek out accountability and support from other Christians as we work to rid our lives of sin.

We do whatever it takes to remove that sin we've become aware of from our lives.

The Danger of Being One Step Off God's Path

Sometimes it seems like there's nothing to worry about is we're just a little but out of line in one area of our lives - especially if it seems small, and we're just one step outside of God's path. We don't really worry about it because we're not really that far off. Little do we realize how dangerous this is.

The life and reign of King Solomon in Israel illustrates this quite clearly. Solomon was known for his wisdom - the thing he asked God for. King Solomon had it all, but he was led astray and ended up far from God's ways.

1 Kings 3 records a well-known part of Solomon's story in Scripture. This is where he is given the chance to ask God for whatever he wants and he chooses to ask for wisdom. Because of his choice, God blessed him, not only with the wisdom he asked for, but also wealth and a long life (1 Kings 3:10-15).

Every time I've turned to this passage, that has been the focus. And it's important. But, the other day when I started reading, I was stopped by just the first three verses of this chapter. They have something important to teach us.

1 Kings 3:1-3 says:

"Solomon made an alliance with Pharaoh king of Egypt and married his daughter. He brought her to the city of David until he finished building his palace and the temple of the Lord, and the wall around Jerusalem. The people, however, were still sacrificing at the high places, because a temple had not yet been built for the Name of the Lord. Solomon showed his love for the Lord by walking according to the instructions given him by his father David, except that he offered sacrifices and burned incense on the high places."

Near the beginning of Solomon's reign as king, we can see the subtle ways he's being pulled off God's path. There's two key ways given in this passage.

First, Solomon married the daughter of Pharaoh king of Egypt. The Egyptians were not followers of Yahweh. She would have had her own god and religious practices she brought with her into this marriage.

Second, Solomon continued to offer sacrifices and burn incense at the high places. The high places were where the gods of the peoples surrounding Israel would have been worshiped and their practices were detestable to Yahweh. But, Solomon was still participating in it.

Yes, it was good that Solomon was walking in God's ways in the rest of his life. And we see the benefits of that in the rest of 1 Kings 3. The long-term effects of these two things couldn't yet be seen. But, if we take a quick glance ahead at the end of Solomon's life, we see how his wives who each had their own gods and religious practices led him astray and he was far from God's ways. The pattern intensified as Solomon's life went on, but if began subtly, here at the beginning of his reign.

Much of Solomon's life as recorded in 1 Kings 3 was about living God's way. Looking at his life, it would have been easy to see the things he was doing that pleased Yahweh. And that would make it easier to justify that these other two things didn't really matter - that they were insignificant.

And that's exactly what we do. It's often easy to justify a couple of little things, especially if the rest of life is being done God's way. But, there's a huge danger lurking here. We might only be one step off God's path right now, but if we continue to go int hat direction, it won't take long for us to be much further off.

And we don't often realize how far off we've gotten until it's a long way back to God's path. By the time we realize it, we're distant and have lost the intimacy with God we once had.

Are there places in your life where you need to get back on God' path before you've ended up a lot further away then you ever intended to get?

Redemption in Abundance

          "Israel, put your hope in the Lord,
                    for with the Lord is unfailing love
                    and with Him is full redemption."
                                                       -Psalm 130:7


Psalm 130 is a psalm about God' forgiveness of sin. It is a cry to God for mercy and a declaration of hope in the truth of God's Word.

As I read it recently, I was struck by the thought that God offers "full redemption." Another translation I read said it this way: "redemption in abundance." (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

They all convey that it's something complete. God doesn't just sort of redeem our past our sin when we turn to Him. He redeems it completely and He does it abundantly.

I've been working through Beth Moore's Bible study on the Psalms of Ascent recently and she said something about God's work of redemption that really stuck with me in part of the study for this psalm.

"Allowed to do so through our confession, invitation, and cooperation, God can restore our identity, our purity, our ability, and our sanity! He not only diffuses our past of all power to harm and haunt us but He infuses it with power to help others." (Stepping Up, page 129)

God's work of redemption in our lives is so much more than just forgiving our sins. He also takes our pasts and uses them for His glory and His purposes.

This is where I think the translation that used the phrase "redemption in abundance"  really challenged my thinking on this. God doesn't just redeem our pasts, He does so abundantly! As we allow Him to do His work, He creates something beyond what had been stolen by sin. He is generous with us in His redemption. He doesn't just barely redeem us; He redeems abundantly.

The lyrics to the chorus of a song I've been listening to lately have made me continue to think about what this looks like in my life.

The song is called "You Redeem" (by Aaron Shust)

You redeem, You redeem
You restore what's been stolen from me
You reclaim, You release
You rebuild with the words that You breathe
You redeem

You can listen to the whole song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=boV5ER7O90o

In Our Time of Need

"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are - yet He did not sin. Let us approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (Hebrews 4:15-16, NIV 2011)

Those words from Scripture are ones I cling to. They contain an important truth for us to hold onto in our daily life.

When I'm tempted by sin, I'm not left on my own to beat it. Jesus has faced temptation when He was on earth and He didn't sin. He is able to help me in my temptation, if I ask Him for help. I don't have to deal with temptation on my own.

That's a liberating truth to grab hold of. It frees us from the never-ending cycle of defeat we get stuck in when we're trying to avoid giving in to temptation in our own strength. The pressure isn't on us to keep trying harder anymore.

In the moments when we're facing temptation, we can call out to Jesus for help and be confident He will meet us in our time of need and provide a way out for us.

1 Corinthians 10:13 says,
"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so you can endure it." (NIV 2011)

We discover the way out of our temptation when we call out for help when we're facing it. Because we always call to Him for help, we will always be able to endure it - it won't be more than we can bear, because we'll have God's help.

That's a pretty good promise to build our life upon. And it brings true freedom to us.

Five Minute Friday: Begin

God provides us chance to begin again each day, each moment.

We stumble. We sin. We mess up.

When we confess it to God and ask for His forgiveness. He freely gives us His forgiveness and a chance to begin again. We start over with a no record of what we have done.

That chance to begin again is something we need constantly. A chance to begin again is something we need each day, each moment.

I'm thankful that God offers us that chance. As many times as I may need it.

All I have to do is return to Him and ask Him for that chance again. I don't have to try to do the right thing so He will give me that chance. I just have to ask and it is given. God's grace poured out on my life.

The chance to begin again is available to all who are willing to confess their sin and ask God for forgiveness - for a chance to begin again.



Joining in with Five Minute Friday again today. This week's word is "begin."

The Problem with our Message about Modesty

"You have to cover up so you don't cause your bothers in Christ to stumble when they see you."

"Men are visual; they can't help what happens when they see a female wearing flattering clothing; so you always have to dress with that in mind."

I can't tell you how many times I heard those messages growing up in the church. Always from well-meaning people whose heart was in the right place, even if the way went about it wasn't the best choice.

I'm sure there's many people who grew up in the church who would agree they heard the same message. And as a teenager and woman in my early twenties, I bought this completely. It influenced my choice in clothing and my appearance in every way.

When I look back on that now, I'm struck by something I didn't notice at the time . . . how insulting that message actually is to both men and women. I know it wasn't the intent behind the message, but it reduces guys to being incapable of thinking about anything but sex, and women to nothing more than sex objects to anyone of the opposite sex around them. That's not exactly an accurate portrayal.

Yes, there are many who struggle in this area. Yes, there are those who make poor choices in this area. But, I fear we've strayed too far in the opposite direction in the message we preach on this topic. We may have the best of intentions, but I wonder if we're actually doing more harm than good.

Before you jump all over me - I'm all for modesty in how we dress. I'm not trying to take away all responsibility from women in how they dress. But, I don't think they should be the ones to carry the weight of what everyone they may have contact with during the day thinks either.

Scripture makes it clear that each of us is responsible for ourselves alone before God - not others. Yes, we should love and care for our brothers and sisters in Christ enough to not knowingly do things that will cause them to stumble in their own walk with God. But, that doesn't mean we should live our lives spending all our time worrying about whether or not we're causing a fellow believer to stumble. They are ultimately responsible for their own sin before God, just as we are for ours.

I believe that in the message we have been preaching about modesty, we have been unintentionally making women responsible for someone else's sin - in this case their brothers in Christ. And that is wrong. They aren't responsible for it and they shouldn't be made to feel like they are.

Should we be teaching the importance of appropriateness in how we dress? Absolutely.

Our culture crosses the line on what is appropriate and modest all the time. We, the church, have a responsibility to teach it as part of living a life of integrity as a follower of Christ.

We also need to be teaching all to take responsibility for their own sin and to go to God with it, rather than blame it on someone else and the way they dress. That's also part of living a life of integrity before God, as His child.

The Burdens of Hiding & Pretending

"Confession is a discipline that functions within fellowship. In it we let trusted others know our deepest weaknesses and failures. This will nourish our faith in God's provision for our needs through His people, our sense of being loved and our humility before our brothers and sisters. This we let some friends in Christ know who we really are, not holding back anything important, but, ideally, allowing complete transparency. We lay down the burdens of hiding and pretending, which normally take up such a dreadful amount of human energy. We engage and are engaged by others in the profound depths of the soul." (Dallas Willard)


When I first read this quote, one phrase jumped off the page at me. It only makes sense within the context of the entire quote, but the words of the phrase are incredibly important for us to grasp.

We lay down the burdens of hiding and pretending . . ."

We don't usually talk about hiding and pretending as burdens - if we talk about them at all. For the most part, we don't admit we spend much of our lives hiding and pretending.

We live in a culture that encourages us to hide and pretend. We're taught that we need to look like we have it all together all that time. That it doesn't matter what is going on inside, on the outside everything should be fine.

Se, we pretend and we hide.

We pretend that things are going great even when they might not be. And we hide how we are truly feeling behind our answers of "fine" and "good."

But, if we're honest, even if only to ourselves, all of this hiding and pretending does get burdensome. It takes a lot of work to do it all the time. We've gotten so good at pretending and hiding, but deep down we want to stop doing it all the time. Deep down we want others to know what's really going on and how we really feel. We want to "lay down the burdens of hiding and pretending" that we've been carrying.

That's where the rest of the quote by Dallas Willard comes in. Willard is telling us how we can lay down the burdens of hiding and pretending. We can only lay that burden down by choosing to be honest with people and allowing them to know our weaknesses and our failures - by choosing transparency instead of hiding and pretending. We have to choose to be honest with each other about the good and the bad in our lives. Because it's only when we are really known by others that we stop carrying the tiresome burdens of hiding and pretending that have been stealing our energy.

It's not that we need to share every detail of the hard and the bad in our lives with every person we meet. But that, as Willard said, "we let some friends in Christ know who we really are." When we do this, things are different because we're not carrying the same burden anymore. It allows us to be more of who we really are with everyone, even if not everyone knows every detail.


"To confess our sins before others, though, helps let go of this exhausting need to keep up appearances. It frees us to live truthfully and humbly in the mercy of God." (Stage 2: Community with Others, Vantage Point 3: A Way of Life)

Live What You Say You Believe

If you're a regular reader here, you've probably noticed I took a bit of a break from writing here in the last week or so. It wasn't planned or I would have told you about it in advance. Sometimes life just seems to necessitate pulling back for a time.

A couple weeks ago, I wrote a couple of posts that came from a Bible study I'm doing with some women from my church. I was talking about changing our view when God interrupts our plans and beginning to see those times as divine interventions - as opportunities to join God in His purposes. I also talked about how we respond to those divine interventions.

Looking back at my life, I could see times when God interrupted my plans and invited me to join in on His. And I could see how I responded them.

But what I didn't know when I wrote those posts was that God was about to interrupt my plans again. He wasn't going to just let it be something I wrote about.

And isn't that how God works? He doesn't want things to just be head knowledge. He wants them to get down deep into our hearts. And for that to happen we have to live it. Because when we walk through the experience we have to decide if what we say we believe is what we actually believe.

That is one thing I've learned about God - He wants us to live it. He doesn't want it to be something we just talk about. He wants us to be transformed by what we say we believe and live it out.

When is the last time God took something that you could talk about to others and made sure you were also living it?

Fill the Empty Places

"When an impure spirit comes out of a person, it goes through arid places seeking rest and does not find it. Then it says, 'I will return to the house I left.' When it arrives, it finds the house unoccupied, swept clean and put in order. Then it goes and takes with it seven other spirits more wicked than itself, and they go in and live there. And the final condition of that person is worse than the first." (Matthew 12:43-45)

These aren't my favourite words of Jesus' teaching and they're likely not yours either. They seem a bit harsh at first read, but they teach an important truth that we need to understand.

Jesus is speaking to our human nature to fill empty places with something. And making it clear that Satan and his demons work the same way, so we need to be aware.

It's a good thing to remove the things in our lives that shouldn't be there. We should deal with sinful thoughts, habits, and actions. We want to remove these things from our lives.

The problem arises when we remove them and then the places they filled in our lives unfilled with anything good. We just choose to leave those places empty. When we remove sinful things from our lives, we need to fill that place with something good and pleasing to God, so that the thing we removed can't come back into our lives.

We can kick Satan and his schemes out, but he will find a way back in if we don't fill those areas where we kicked him out of with something. And when Satan gets back into those areas, he often does more damage when he was there before. That leaves us feeling worse than the time before as well.

If we're not careful, we end up stuck in a cycle of defeat, victory, greater defeat, victory, even greater defeat. With the times of victory growing more infrequent and shorter duration until we give up completely.

That's what Satan wants for us. But that's not what God wants for us.

Jesus doesn't say it in this passage, but other places in His teaching He talks about the Holy Spirit coming to live in all believers. Those places we kick Satan out of should be filled with the Holy Spirit and the things of God. When we allow the Holy Spirit to get into all those places we kicked Satan out of, there is no room for Satan to get back in when he tries.

I believe that Jesus came to be our strength to live as we were meant to live. But that won't happen completely unless we allow Him to access every area of our lives so He can fill every area of our lives.