One Year

 If you've read my blog for any amount of time, you'll know that from time to time I share poetry I've written. Often it's about things I'm walking through. In the last few years, a number of them have been to do with things with my Grandma. 

A few days ago - on July 21, 2022 - it was the one year anniversary since my Grandma went to be with Jesus. As I reflected on that, another poem came that fits with previous ones.

(You can read previous parts here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5)

I see you there

Smiling in the picture

The last family gathering

You were there for

 

Your face full of joy

As we gathered around

A time to celebrate

You and Grandpa together

 

We laughed and we talked

We sang grace and we ate

We watched the little ones play

We celebrated faithful love

 

Now we gathered without you

A time to remember

The life that you lived

The way that you loved

 

Though you are gone now

You live on in us

Your words and your wisdom

Still influence us

 

You’ve been gone a year

It doesn’t feel right

Sometimes I’m still waiting

To hug you and hear you

 

I’m grateful I had you

To call you my Grandma

I’m grateful you cared

To always be there

 

Grandma, I miss you

Time hasn’t changed that

Your smile and your laugh

The deep love you shared

Staying - Even When it's Hard (Part Two)

 Last week I started a post answering the question I've been asked about why I've chosen to stay at a specific church, when those I call my closest friends have moved elsewhere for a variety of reasons.

I started by talking about Scripture encourages us to keep meeting together and assumes we are. Being part of a church doesn't seem optional. We need the diverse community to live the lives that God calls us to. You can read it here. 

Before I go on in the post, I'm going to repeat some of what I said in part one. I am not writing to tell anyone else exactly how they should think or what they should do. I am answering the question of why I chose to stay when it seems to appear easier to start going elsewhere, at least on the surface. I acknowledge that some who make the decision to leave have very valid reasons why they choose to do so and I won't tell them they're wrong because of it.

Throughout the New Testament, we're referred to as the family of God and the body of Christ. Both of those things point to us being a part of something bigger than just us. Now, some will point to those as referring to the church worldwide and I agree. But, I also think when we look at the detail written in Scripture of what that looks like in practice, it points to a local gathering of believers. That's the place where we use our gifts to serve others and the world around us.

In our society, we've made it easy or normal to leave your family behind or stop seeing people in your family because you disagree or got hurt. But, in doing so, we've cheapened God's design. And we know it. We know when we have those experiences with family that come up as enjoyable - or with a group of people who are like family.

But, with family also comes disagreements, arguments, differing views, and sometimes we hurt each other. Family is supposed to work through those things when they happen. Unless it's actually dangerous to stay, the best would be for family to work through whatever comes up.

If we do this with our biological families, why would we not also do it with our church family?

We may not completely agree with each other on everything, but if it's not about the core things of our faith, I think that's okay.

It means we have to be willing to forgive, to let God heal our pain. But, I believe it's the best way forward.

If I don't leave my family for good because I got hurt in a disagreement or argument, then why would I do it with my church family?

I don't say this lightly. I've lived this one. While I don't feel this is the place to share all the details, I will say that about 15 years ago, I walked through an experience at church where I was left hurt and feeling betrayed by some in leadership roles. Instead of valued, I felt ignored and like I wasn't an important part of the family, as did many of my friends. 

I chose to stay and work through the pain. I kept showing up and staying involved, even when it hurt. And I slowly found healing and was able to forgive those who had hurt me. I'm not sure that in my experience, I would have come to a place of forgiveness and healing if I had left instead. That would have made it easy to place blame on others and put up fake walls of being okay. And I could still be living that. 

By choosing to stay then, I know the good that ultimately happened and I believe that is the best outcome always. It took time to deal with everything that came along with that hurt. I couldn't deal with it all at once. I had to be willing to keep working through the hurt and the feelings of betrayal.

I won't say that everyone should stay in every situation. There are definitely situations where the best choice for healing and for all is to leave. But, I do wonder if we make the choice too easily sometimes.

So, that's my answer to why I stay, even when it seems like it might be easier to go elsewhere.

Staying - Even When it's Hard (Part One)

 Why do you stay?

Why don't you just go where your friends go?

These are questions I've been asked a few times in the last few months. Always talking specifically about church and my choice to stay even when some of the people I call my closest friends are no longer there.

It's not a question with a quick or easy answer. And I'm careful in how I answer because I don't want to offend people, nor do I was to tell someone else what they should do. I've wrestled with whether to write this post and I've wrestled with whether to share it.

Before I go on, I want to be clear: this is why I chose to stay, even when it sometimes feels like it would be easier to just start going elsewhere. I have people in my life who have made different decisions in similar circumstances and I won't tell them they're wrong to have made a different choice. I also will never belittle or put down someone's hurt and pain and the decisions that result from it. 

And, if it's a situation where abuse of any kind is happening, then I would never tell someone to stay. If it's a church situation where abuse is happening, then staying is not the safe option and I will never argue that one.

While I've come to my conclusion and decision on staying based on my study of the Bible, that doesn't mean I've got it all perfectly figured out. I answer this question from my own experience as well.

As I get started, I believe there is one thing I can say for sure is true for all who call themselves Christians. The writer of Hebrews puts it this way:

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together as some as in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another - and all the more as you see the day approaching. (Hebrews 10:24-25, emphasis mine)

We're told not to give up meeting together. When you read the book of Acts or any of the letters to the churches in Scripture, they were all written to a group of people, to a church. The Christian life is not about " me and Jesus, and no one else."

We need to have a group of other Christians we're doing life with. And not just a group of people who all think like us, talk like us, are about the same age or stage of life as us. If Paul's words to the church Philippi are any indication (see Philippians 2:1-4), then the church is a diverse group of people because we have a need to learn how to move together in unity and put others first.

We need the kids that we see running around at church. We need the senior who always greets you with a smile and a handshake. We need the family who we wouldn't otherwise ever connect with. We need the single people, the married couples, the seniors, the kids, the youth, that make up a local church gathering.

But, it something that I see that makes me wonder as we emerge from a couple years of gathering as the church being a challenge. We've gotten used to listening to whatever service we want from wherever around the world sitting on our couches in our pajamas. Now, I'm not saying church online is bad or wrong. I think it's a great thing. But, even in that, we need to have a community of believers - a church - that we're connecting with regularly and consistently - even if it's online. We need people who are allowed to really get to know us and us them.

So, I guess the first part of my answer to why I stay is because I believe that having a church - a gathering of a diverse group of people - is something that Scripture says we need and should be making a priority. My friends are a great group of people, but there's something about having a multi-generational gathering where the senior who has watched me grow up has the opportunity to continue to speak into my life.

I think that's where I'm going to finish this post. There's more to come in my answer to the question of why I stay. But, for the sake of length, I'll share that in a future week.