Holidays and Loss

As Christmas approaches, I've been reflecting again on what it looks like when you're dealing with the loss of loved ones. It's the first Christmas that my Grandma won't be here, and while she wasn't able to be at the family gatherings for most of the last few years, she was still a part of things.

Over the last while, I've written a few poems that were part of my processing. When I wrote the last one in July, I thought that would be the end of it. But, as Christmas approaches, there was another one that I'm sharing now.

(You can find previous ones here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4)

Here's the one from today

Christmas approaching

Yet something feels off

Grandma, you’re missing

It doesn’t feel right

 

Decorations and nativity set

The detailed Christmas village

They remind me of you

The joy and the laughter

 

Sometimes I’m okay

And sometimes I’m not

Sometimes I’m laughing

The next time I’m crying

 

Grief is so messy

A hole in my heart

The place that you filled

A place for no other

 

Each time that I miss you

I hear all you shared

The wisdom you offered

How you pointed the way

 

I look at your picture

And see how you smile

It shows how you loved us

How you embraced life

 

Grandma, I miss you

This world just feels wrong

Without you down here

I miss you, I miss you

 

Christmas is coming

The first time without you

I want to pretend that it’s all okay

But I know that it’s not

 

I miss you so deeply

I’ll always remember

Your role in my life

The love that you shared

 

You pointed to Jesus

In all that you lived

You prayed and you loved

Just the way that you lived

 

I see your picture

I choose to let go

Trusting our Savior

Who loves us the most