Grief & Anniversaries

 I've been thinking about how we handle grief in our society a lot recently. 

Or, as I sometimes wonder . . . how we misunderstand & mishandle grief.

It's been a topic coming up a lot as I approach an anniversary I never expected to have. It's just a couple days away from one year since I lost my job.

I hadn't thought much about it until a about month ago. I noticed that as I looked at the calendar for May I had no desire to plan anything. Even getting organized for things I usually look forward to just didn't motivate me to do anything.

It wasn't until I actually really looked at the date on the calendar in the middle of May that I realized what was going on. Even though I wasn't conscious of it at first, my body was remembering the events of a year ago.

Even after I realized this, I was still confused about why I was responding like this. After going back to some of the resources that helped me at the time & asking my counsellor, I started to see how my surprise & confusion over all of this stems from our misunderstanding & mishandling of grief.

We tend to associate grief with the death of someone we loved. And that's a time where grief is accepted & expected. We make space for it. And we should. We all for the anniversary of it to be hard again.

But, as I've written before, that's far from the only time we experience grief. It comes any time we a experience a loss - no matter how big or small. And we need to make space for all that comes with that - when it happens & when anniversaries & reminders occur that bring up the feeling again.

For me, that's meant acknowledging that it's hard to be motivated to do much right now. Giving myself grace for just sitting at home sometimes. But, also still getting out with people & doing things.

And letting people in my life know what's going on.

As I've shared this, I was reminded of how we don't handle this well. Many people seemed to be genuinely surprised that I would be struggling right now. Because I'm generally okay these days & don't talk about it much, it sometimes felt like people expected it to not affect me anymore.

I don't fault them for it. That's what we've been taught in our society. Grief happens when something happens & then it's done.

But, I've learned through this experience & the loss of my Grandma a few years ago, that grief comes in cycles. And, just because the feelings of sadness or anger over the loss come up again doesn't necessarily mean there's more to process or work through. 

It's all part of a journey that isn't linear. We don't move through the "stages of grief" in an order or a set timeframe. And there are things that will remind us of the loss & we'll feel it again for a bit.

What we actually need to do is learn to allow ourselves to feel the feelings. To acknowledge it. To not run from it.

We move through it. And, often, we just need to feel it - not try to solve it.

Have You Exchanged the Truth?

 "They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, & they worshipped & served created things rather than the Creator - who is forever praised. Amen." (Romans 1:25)

When I read this verse the other day, my first thought was that it describes our society well. It's easy to apply there.

But, it doesn't stop there. It's not just for the world out there.

If we take a couple of minutes to think about it, we can see where we've done this in our churches & in our own lives.

We've exchanged the truth of God's Word for a lie. The lie often just subtle enough that we don't even realize right away. Or, in a desire to make the gospel most comfortable, we downplay what it actually says about something. Or we take something out of the context it was written in to make it say what we want that it doesn't actually say.

We've worshipped created things rather than the Creator. We have celebrity pastors & worship leaders - & then we're shocked when they fail. We let preferences divide & we see ours as the right ones.

But, let's make this even a little bit more personal for a few minutes.

We do this in our own lives. We believe lies rather than the truth. Sometimes we've intentionally chosen to. And sometimes we got a little off course at the start & now we're really far off course.

We've worshipped created things. We worship money, material possessions, power, a specific body type, health, etc.

So, we're left with some challenging questions:

Are there places in your life where you've exchanged the truth of God for a lie - either knowingly or unknowingly?

Are you willing to turn from those lies & turn back to God's truth - even if the truth is hard?

Are there places in your life where you're worshipping created things rather than the Creator?

How can you turn back to worshipping the Creator?

We Need Both - Studying the Bible Deeply & Following the Promptings of the Holy Spirit

 I had someone ask me a few months back if they could go to Bible college and still have a life led by the Holy Spirit afterward.

I was curious about why they were asking me this.

They had been told by someone in a different conversation that going to Bible college and studying the Bible & theology that way would mean they would just have an intellectual belief. And they would no longer be able to hear or follow the Holy Spirit in their life.

I immediately answered no to their original question. I know from personal experience that you can take the time to study the Bible & theology deeply and still live a Spirit-led life. The two are not mutually exclusive. 

In fact, I would argue that the two are vitally linked together. 

When we study Scripture deeply, we learn to more easily recognize the promptings of the Holy Spirit. And as follow & respond to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, our study of Scripture is further illuminated.

This is something that became very clear to me in the two years that I spent at Bible college myself. And, I will always tell people that it was the best decision I made for my own spiritual journey. And encourage them to consider it for themselves.

There are so many things I learned in my two years at Briercrest College, that have changed my spiritual walk. And they happened both in the classroom as we dug deeply into Scripture, in the discussions that happened in my business classes there, & in the interactions that happened in the dorm or the cafeteria or many other places.

I come back to this story often when I talk about my time at Briercrest. It was something incredibly simple that has had an impact on me - even now, 19 - 1/2 years after it happened.

I started my post-secondary education at a college in my hometown. I enrolled in the business program & spent two years studying business. After that, I made the decision to transfer to Briercrest.

On my first day, as I checked in at registration I had only a few minutes of interaction with one of the professors - someone who was meeting many people for the first time that day. The following week, I ran into this same professor in the hallway & he stopped to ask me by name how my first week was going.

In those few minutes, I realized how different the experience at Briercrest was. There were professors at my last school who had taught multiple of my classes in the two years prior who would not have recognized me outside of the classroom, let alone known my name. Yet, this professor, who wasn't even teaching one of the classes I was taking, remembered my name from a busy registration day.

Something about that interaction made me realize just how important my time at Briercrest would be. Not only was I going to learn academically, I was going to learn in community that really cared & walked it out together.

Alongside reading commentaries & theology books, I learned how to pray. 

Alongside writing papers, I learned to live in real community.

Alongside learning about the historical context where the Bible was written, I learned how to hear God's voice.

Alongside digging into the original language of Scripture, I was challenged to live a life of obedience to God & what He was asking me to do.

Looking back, almost 20 years since I graduated, I still see the time I spent at Briercrest as one the best decisions I made in my life. I wouldn't trade those two years for anything - not one minute of them. Even as this BC born & raised girl, watched the chapel building for this school on the prairies come into view for way longer than I was used to seeing things approach, who had no idea what was going to come, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

And I will always tell anyone who asks, if you have the chance to go . . . GO! There isn't a better choice you could make for your walk with God.

The Important Places & Stories in Our Lives

 Do you have a place that's filled with memories of good times from growing up? A place that maybe still feels like home when you go there?

I recently went back to one of those places for me. A place that has changed a lot in so many ways, yet, still feels like the same place every time I drive onto the property.

The camp I grew up going to & worked at for a few months recently celebrated 50 years of camp. They invited people - past & present - to come spend the day at the camp to celebrate.

From the moment I turned down the dirt road to the camp I was filled with memories.

Driving past the house by the gate where the camp director lived when I spent my summers in this place. The memories of conversations on the porch swing with his wife as I navigated summers as staff & the rest of life in between those summers. The wisdom & encouragement shared while sitting there.

The archery range was next. The first place I learned to teach something. Many hours spent there with kids of all ages teaching a skill we may never have learned anywhere else. (And the place where I got my first & only wasp sting, while I was there with a half dozen 8-10 year olds I was responsible for, so I had to stay until I could get someone else there.)

The Point

The lodge - where so much has changed over the years. But, it's still the place of many meals & chapel services. Good food, conversations over food, worshipping God.

Walking to the point - the place where we would have campfire every night of camp. Singing silly camp songs & worship songs. Hearing messages from the speaker for the week. Time to share the story of what God has done in the week of camp. It feels like holy ground when I approach it. There's something truly special about this place.

Walking along the path by the lake, the beach, climbing the hill back to the lodge. All so familiar & filled with memories. Doing things I never would have thought I would have been able to. Growing & learning in so many ways.

Even more memories in the people I saw & reconnected with. Whether we're still in touch or not, there's a connection when we gather again. And realizing that I made a few long term friends in my years here.

I was reminded of the importance of places when I was back at camp. But, even more of the importance of remembering & sharing the stories of what God has done.

The Beach

The day was filled with stories of how God worked to provide for the camp for 50 years. From the little things that made all the difference, to the bigger, more noticeable things.

I was also reminded of the ways God worked in my life when I was there. Many of the important spiritual decisions in the first 25 years of my life were made somewhere on that camp property. It's each to forget that in the midst of every day life, but it's important we don't. 

We need to remember & share the stories. That's how we stay faithful in the hard times & hold on when we can't see ahead.

What Does Contentment Really Look Like?

A quote I read in a book recently, made me think. 

"If we . . . ask God for contentment, we should cancel our membership with speed dating pool, stop spending every waking minute on myperfectmatch.com, and trust that God will provide everything we need to minister Him (2 Corinthians 9:8). If we aren't ready to do these things, we should be honest with ourselves and tell God the truth: 'Dear God, please make me happy being single until I can fix my singleness'." (Alisha Plummer, "Confessions of a Christian Spinster")

When I read those words, they didn't sit right with me. While I could agree with a part of them, I immediately felt they took things too far.

The chapter of the book this quote is from is about contentment. About not allowing a desire for marriage to rob us of the life we have right now.

And there's truth to it all. If we're so focused on getting married, as singles, then we're going to miss out on the things God has for us right now. We need to be seeking contentment with our lives - even if we never get married.

But, I don't think that contentment in our lives as singles means we can't do anything to pursue things we desire. 

Contentment as a single doesn't mean I stop putting myself in places where I could meet someone to marry - whether in person or online - waiting for God to somehow provide me with someone to marry when there's nothing in my life that would give me a chance to meet someone.

Contentment actually means that I don't let me desire for marriage control me. It doesn't consume all of my thoughts & energy.

Contentment, for all of us, whether single or married, is about having your desires in the proper place, not about removing them altogether. 

We can be content with things in our lives & still have hope for something to be different in the future.

We can be content & still have desires for specific things - even be working towards those desires. Whether those are hopes & desires for marriage, or children, or a house, or a new job in a specific field.

When those desires are submitted to God, we are living in contentment. We choose to surrender our desires, by telling God what they are. We're honest about them. And then we choose to trust God that whatever happens is part of His will & He will use it for His purposes.

Stepping Out & Trusting God

 The other day as I sat outside a favourite coffee shop, I watched the window cleaners on the office building across the street. They were making the way down the building on ropes & harnesses.

I watched as they moved across the windows in a section & then moved a row lower. They did all of this with confidence they were secure & wouldn't fall as they moved.

As I watched for a few minutes, I felt like God was using it to say something to me. Those washing the windows were confident in the safety system they were using. They didn't keep checking or stay on the roof of the building because they weren't sure or because they were afraid. They knew the ropes & harness would hold them.

In that moment, God challenged me.

Will I step out in confidence in Him to hold me even when it's a step of faith?

Or as I going to allow fear to keep me back where it feels safer?

Somtimes God calls us to do something that feels like taking a step into the unknown. We have a choice of how we respond.

We can take that step of faith with confidence because of who we know God to be. And we can experience all that God has for us when we do.

Or we can stay where it feels safe & miss out on what God may have in store.

Are you willing to step out in faith when God asks you to trust Him?

God Meets Us Where We Are

 I was recently away for a few days at a cabin in an incredibly beautiful and peaceful place. It was good to just get away and be in creation without the usual demands of life.

The first morning, as I was sitting on the porch with my coffee and my journal, I head this bird squawking continually. It took me a while to realize where it was coming from and that the bird was squawking at me. Then I saw the bird's nest built on one of the lights on the porch. And that there were baby birds in the nest.

After a while the mama bird realized I wasn't going to do anything or move closer to them. She went back to work finding & bringing food to her babies. For the next couple hours I sat out there reading, writing, and sometimes just watching the nest.

Every time the mama returned to the nest with food, there would be all these baby bird beaks that would pop up, mouths open, expecting food. They were excited to see mama come back & anticipated something good & life-giving.

Later in the day, as I was reflecting on what I had watched, I had a question come to mind:

Do I have the same kind of anticipation as those baby birds when I come to meet with God? Do I expect Him to have something good & life-giving for me?

God meets us where we are & He brings us what we need. We simply have to be open to receiving what He has for us.

Seeing Something You Haven't Before in Scripture

 It's easy to become familiar with a part of a verse or passage in Scripture - especially when it speaks to something in your life at a time when you read it. We reference either the exact words or the concept regularly. This is a good thing, but it can also mean with miss things sometimes.

My attention recently turned to a verse that I'm quite familiar with. As I read the whole verse, I was actually a bit surprised to discover that two truths I often quote were in the same verse. And linking together gave a fuller understanding of both.

I know I've read this verse many times all together in the past, But, this time I noticed something I hadn't before. I love how there's always more to learn, even when we go back to a familiar passage.

Hebrews 13:5 says:

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you'."

In conversations about money and possessions the first half of the verse if often mentioned. We use it to remind ourselves that loving money is a problem. That we need to learn to be content with what we have.

We take comfort in the second half as a reminder that God never leaves. That He is always with us - no matter what we're going through.

All of that is good and true and helpful for our lives. As I read this verse recently, it was the word in between these two parts that caught my eye:

BECAUSE

That word links these together.

Because God is never going to leave us or forsake us, we can be content with what we have.

Because God is never going to leave us or forsake us, we don't need to love money.

We can be content with what we have because God is never going to leave us or forsake us.

We don't need to love money because God is never going to leave us or forsake us.

Yes, I know I said the same thing twice there. When we've separated two things for so long, I think we sometimes need the repetition to get it to sink in.

When the writer of Hebrews put the word "because" here, they did it intentionally and we need to take notice.

Staying - Even When it's Hard (Part Two)

 Last week I started a post answering the question I've been asked about why I've chosen to stay at a specific church, when those I call my closest friends have moved elsewhere for a variety of reasons.

I started by talking about Scripture encourages us to keep meeting together and assumes we are. Being part of a church doesn't seem optional. We need the diverse community to live the lives that God calls us to. You can read it here. 

Before I go on in the post, I'm going to repeat some of what I said in part one. I am not writing to tell anyone else exactly how they should think or what they should do. I am answering the question of why I chose to stay when it seems to appear easier to start going elsewhere, at least on the surface. I acknowledge that some who make the decision to leave have very valid reasons why they choose to do so and I won't tell them they're wrong because of it.

Throughout the New Testament, we're referred to as the family of God and the body of Christ. Both of those things point to us being a part of something bigger than just us. Now, some will point to those as referring to the church worldwide and I agree. But, I also think when we look at the detail written in Scripture of what that looks like in practice, it points to a local gathering of believers. That's the place where we use our gifts to serve others and the world around us.

In our society, we've made it easy or normal to leave your family behind or stop seeing people in your family because you disagree or got hurt. But, in doing so, we've cheapened God's design. And we know it. We know when we have those experiences with family that come up as enjoyable - or with a group of people who are like family.

But, with family also comes disagreements, arguments, differing views, and sometimes we hurt each other. Family is supposed to work through those things when they happen. Unless it's actually dangerous to stay, the best would be for family to work through whatever comes up.

If we do this with our biological families, why would we not also do it with our church family?

We may not completely agree with each other on everything, but if it's not about the core things of our faith, I think that's okay.

It means we have to be willing to forgive, to let God heal our pain. But, I believe it's the best way forward.

If I don't leave my family for good because I got hurt in a disagreement or argument, then why would I do it with my church family?

I don't say this lightly. I've lived this one. While I don't feel this is the place to share all the details, I will say that about 15 years ago, I walked through an experience at church where I was left hurt and feeling betrayed by some in leadership roles. Instead of valued, I felt ignored and like I wasn't an important part of the family, as did many of my friends. 

I chose to stay and work through the pain. I kept showing up and staying involved, even when it hurt. And I slowly found healing and was able to forgive those who had hurt me. I'm not sure that in my experience, I would have come to a place of forgiveness and healing if I had left instead. That would have made it easy to place blame on others and put up fake walls of being okay. And I could still be living that. 

By choosing to stay then, I know the good that ultimately happened and I believe that is the best outcome always. It took time to deal with everything that came along with that hurt. I couldn't deal with it all at once. I had to be willing to keep working through the hurt and the feelings of betrayal.

I won't say that everyone should stay in every situation. There are definitely situations where the best choice for healing and for all is to leave. But, I do wonder if we make the choice too easily sometimes.

So, that's my answer to why I stay, even when it seems like it might be easier to go elsewhere.

Memories of my Grandma

 Today - almost 11 months after she passed away - we had the Celebration of Life for my Grandma. It was so good to be together after so long of not being able to do. And I didn't realize how necessary this step was in the journey of saying good-bye.

I was asked to share, alongside a couple of my cousins, memories of Grandma. As I wrote, I figured it would be easier to share the memories now since so much time had passed, but as I started, I realized that the memories still touched me more than I thought they would. 

Here is what I shared, or at least intended to share today - I'm not sure that I actually was able to read everything that was written when I got to that moment.

"There's not a day goes by that I don't see you;

You live on in all the better parts of me."

Those are a couple of lines from the song "Scars in Heaven" by Casting Crowns. I listened to that song a lot in the months after Grandma passed away. And as I sat down to write the memories about Grandma I wanted to share, those words came to mind again. Over the last 11 months, I've had many times when the words of wisdom, encouragement, and love Grandma shared with me over the years have continued to have an influence on my life.

As I talked to my sisters about our memories of Grandma, one of the first things that came up for us was our memories of sick days at Grandma's. If we woke up sick one morning, or got sick at school, we always hoped Mom was busy, because it means we got to go to Grandma's for the day. Even when we were sick, Grandma's house was always more fund than being at home. A sick day at Grandma's usually meant sitting in their ricking chars, eating cookies, and watching TV together.

A lot of our memories of Grandma are around their house on Green Bay. Summers at the beach, holiday family gatherings, and any other reason we found to get together.

Helping make "Grandma buns" - as we called them. Nothing tasted better that Grandma buns with homemade strawberry freezer jam.

Making roll kuchen and eating it watermelon outside. The important question was always the ratio of watermelon slices to roll kuchen we were allowed. It usually felt like too much watermelon, but Grandma would hold firm on the number.

Another memory is singing together with Grandma. More often than not, Grandma would start us off singing The Doxology for grace when we gathered for a holiday meal or special occasions. And Christmas gatherings always included singing some carols while Grandma played the piano.

For me, another memory of Grandma is the many hours spent on the golf course with Grandma, and Grandpa too. Depending on who was picking you up, changed what time you actually had to be ready to go. If Grandma and Grandpa were both coming, they'd be on time for what they told you; if it was just Grandpa, you needed to be ready early; if it was just Grandma, you had an extra 5-10 minutes to get ready. But, my favourite part of that wasn't the golfing; it was the conversations that happened while we golfed. Grandma always shares wisdom and encouragement and pointed me to God in those hours together.

When I went away to Briercrest for school, Grandma made it worthwhile to get a mailbox of my own in town. At least every couple of weeks, sometimes more often, I would find an envelope with Grandma's familiar handwriting on it. It would be filled with stories of what was going on in her life and Grandpa's - a connection to home that I was grateful for. I was really bad at writing back, and even worse at phoning, but the letters from Grandma kept coming as long as I was away.

Grandma always liked to have fun. Even though she always looked put together and proper when we were out, she was always up for having fun. That was something that stayed, even as her mobility was slowly stolen by Parkinson's disease. One of my favourite memories of that includes my niece. Grandma and Grandpa were at my parent's house for a meal. While we were waiting for the food to be ready, Grandma was playing with my niece. They were laughing and enjoying being together, while, much to my Mom's chagrin, they tossed a decorative whicker ball my Mom had in the living room back and forth. Grandma using a paper plate to catch and throw it. 

As I talked to my sisters about our memories of Grandma, the theme that kept coming up in all of them was that she was there. We could count on that. Whether we were sick as kids and Mom was busy, or we had something special happening, or we just needed somewhere to go on a Friday night, Grandma was there and she was always praying for us.

When it Feels Like Your Prayer Isn't Being Answered

 Have you ever prayed for God to move in a situation only to feel like God didn't answer?

Have you ever asked God to heal someone and it seems like that healing doesn't come?

I'd say we can probably all answer yes to these questions. And answering yes, sometimes makes it hard to be bold enough to ask for anything else in our prayers.

But, what if I told you that God has answered those prayers you've prayed. 

How do you react to that? Does it bring you relief? Or do you have a list of situations where you're sure God didn't answer come immediately to mind?

If you can, put those objections to the side for a few minutes. Ask yourself these questions:

When I prayed, did I ask for God to work His will or did I pray that He would do exactly what I wanted, the way I wanted Him to do it?

Did I look for God to answer only exactly the way I thought He would? Or did I ask for evidence of Him at work?

This doesn't mean we don't pray bold prayers. It doesn't mean we don't ask God to heal people. But, we also keep ourselves open to God answering in ways we didn't expect.

We have a discussion about this at a Bible study I'm part of recently. We'd all had times when we prayed for God to do something only He could do and it felt like He hadn't answered. But, when we really started talking about at least some of the those times, we could see that God did work. It just didn't look exactly like we thought it should.

So, what happens then? How do we reconcile this with what Scripture says?

Jesus tells us to ask and He says that He will respond.

Matthew 7:7-11 says:

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks the door will be opened.

Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will you Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!"

It would be easy to read these verses and decide that God just gives us what we ask for exactly how we want it. And, while we often wouldn't say it out loud, we think this way and it's what leads to the disappointment when we feel like our prayers aren't being answered.

But, when we make that assumption, we miss something about what Jesus is saying here - something important.

Jesus is saying that the gifts God gives are good - often better than we imagine.

But, when we've decided how the answer to our prayer should look, we may miss out on how God is answering it - in His much better way. God's much better way may look different than what we would consider an answer. And we can miss it if we're only looking for a specific answer.

A few years ago, in a podcast I was listening to, I heard someone say, "God always answers our prayers for healing." They paused here for effect... and I got annoyed. They went on to say, "Sometimes that healing comes on earth and sometimes it doesn't come until the person needing healing is in heaven." We don't like that idea. We want the healing now. We want the family member, friend, restored. We don't want to lose them. But, there's truth to that. Healing on earth may not look like we expect, but it will be God's better plan.

I've been wrestling with this a lot recently. I have a few prayers that I have been praying for a while - some for a year, some for years longer than that - and it doesn't seem like God is answering them. But, when I became intentional about looking for how God might be working in ways I didn't expect, I began to see things I didn't see before. I saw how God was working. I may not see the results I want, but I can trust God that He is working. And that gives me boldness to keep praying those prayers.

So, where do you need to let go of your picture of what an answer to your prayer should look like and instead look for the ways God might be moving instead?

Fix Your Eyes

 Sometimes life is hard and things we're going through feel like heavy burden to carry. It feels like we're just barely making it through with the weight of all that's going on.

We're looking for hope. For a way through. For a way out.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 says:

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen s temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

When I read these words a few days ago, I struggled with some of how it was written. I had to sit with it for a while to realize what Paul meant when he wrote these words.

The last couple months have been hard and heavy. Personal losses of an aunt and an uncle. Significant losses and hard times in my work family. It has just all seemed to pile up at one time. It has been a challenging and heavy time to walk through.

So reading words that called our troubles "light and momentary" didn't feel encouraging at first. My first thought was actually, you have no idea what's going on. When we're walking through hard times and loss, those things don't feel light or momentary. It feels like a weight on us that will never be lifted.

But, Paul, who wrote these words, knew what suffering and hard times were. He knew hardship. He knew the heaviness of loss. But, he still called our earthly troubles light and momentary.

How could he do this?

How can we do this in our troubles?

It's all about where we fix our eyes. That's what Paul tells us next in the passage from 2 Corinthians.

When our eyes are down, when they're focused on our circumstances, all we see is our troubles. That's when everything hard becomes overwhelming and never-ending.

The solution: to lift our eyes. To fix them on what is unseen and eternal. To fix our eyes on Jesus, as the writer of Hebrews tells us (Hebrews 12:2). This doesn't remove our troubles. It doesn't remove our loss. It doesn't take away the hard things.

But, it changes our focus.

When our eyes are fixed on Jesus, we see things differently. We see Him and then we see our circumstances through Him.

When our eyes are fixed on Jesus, we know we're not walking through whatever we're facing alone. We have a Companion who cares about us. Who wants to helps us and sometimes carry us through whatever we're facing.

That's the lesson I've learned that I'm trying to apply in my own circumstances right now. It's easy to look at the losses and struggles and be overwhelmed. That's where I was when I first read these verses. 

But, when I choose to fix my eyes on Jesus, something changes. Nothing about the circumstances has changed. The losses still exist. The hard times haven't disappeared. But, it's not as overwhelming because I'm paying attention to Jesus with me in the midst of them.

Once I saw all this, the words of 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 have become words of encouragement and hope.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

What troubles are you walking through that seem anything but light and momentary?

Where are your eyes fixed? On your troubles? Or on Jesus?

How can you fix your eyes on Jesus?

Holding Onto Hope

 What are you hoping for? What are you hoping in?

Where have you placed your hope?

These are the questions running through my mind tonight.

I've had a number of conversations with people lately who are struggling to see or feel any hope. And I am too.

This past year has been a hard one for many of us. Isolation and loneliness. Wondering if or when this will all end. Feeling like we see glimpses of the end of this, only to have them dashed again.

It's hard to have hope when it always seems to fall apart. When it never seems to go the way we hoped.

But, I've beginning to wonder if our struggle with hope is because we're placing it in the wrong places. 

What if hope feels impossible right now because we're hoping for the wrong thing? Or because we're placing our hope in the wrong thing?

By the wrong thing, I don't mean things that are sin. The wrong thing isn't about some sort of moral choice we make.

Much of what we hope for and place our hope in are things on earth, things that fade or fall apart. And when those things do what they will always do, we struggle with hope.

What would happen if we changed the place the where place our hope?

What if we intentionally hose to place our hope in something more than the world has to offer?

I love the way the writer of Hebrews talks about hope in Hebrews 11:1

"Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it." (NCV)

Hope is tied to faith. Hope comes from faith. The NIV talks about having confidence in what we hope for. That's something that sounds like it offers more than the things of this world.

In Romans 5:5, Paul tells us why we can have hope:

"And this will never disappoint us, because God has poured out His love to fill our hearts. He gave us His love through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to us." (NCV)

Hope that comes from God and is placed in God will never disappoint us. That's a pretty great promise!

So I'm challenged tonight about where I'm placing my hope. And reminded that I need to place it in God, because He will never disappoint.

In the midst of all that is currently happening in our world, it's easy to lose hope - if it's something on earth we're placing our hope in.

But, we can choose differently.

Today, I'm choosing again to place my hope in God. And, honestly, that might be a choice I have to make again in 5 minutes. But, it's one I'll keep making.

Maybe you need to do the same thing. It might not be easy. It might need to be a minute-by-minute choice right now. But, it's worth it.

What can you do today to reminder you to put your hope in God?

Letting the Faith of Others Carry you in the Struggle

 A couple days ago, I got a message asking why I hadn't posted anything here in just over a month. I knew it had been a while, but I didn't realize it had been that long.

If I look at the notebook where I start most of my posts, I can see a lot of started and unfinished posts. Things I started to write, but had no idea how to finish or turn into something I would share. Thoughts about things that I can't yet get to a conclusion of any kind.

The last post I wrote and shared here challenged me as I read it. I was writing about getting through when you don't think you can. About what we need to do.

I talked about our need to invite community into our struggle. To have people we can be honest with about where we're at. It was easy to write that, but the truth is, it was harder to live that out. I wrote those words for others, not even realizing how much I would struggle to do exactly that in the last few weeks.

It wasn't until I completely reached the end of myself that I realized just how important it is to invite people into our struggle. It's not just a good thing to talk about. It's something we need to actually do. It wasn't until I actually reached out to friends and let them into my struggle that things began to change. My faith may be weak right now, but that's what community is for. We carry each other when someone is struggling. We carry them to Jesus.

When the whole premise of what you've written about for years is living as Christ's disciple and what that looks like practically, when things get hard, it's hard to write about it. But maybe honesty about things is the best place to start writing again.

I don't know what my writing will look like in the coming weeks. I don't know if there will be more that make its way to here. Or if it will continue to be unfinished ideas that don't make it here.

But can I encourage you with this: No matter where you're at spiritually, keep holding on. Keep sharing honestly with people in your life. When you're faith is struggling, ask the people around you to pray for you. Let their faith carry you when yours is weak.

Growing Through Challenge or Yearning for "Normal"

 "I'm just waiting for things to go back to normal."

"Can we ever go back to normal."

"I wish things were normal again."

You've probably though, or even said, those words or something like them in the last five months. You're probably heard them from other many times.

We're living in a world that's been turned upside-down by something we can't even see. Our normal has been taken away. Everything feels strange.

And we're struggling with that.

I know I am. All I want to do is go to a gathering with friends and give them all long hugs. And, for someone who doesn't usually often struggles in large group gatherings and doesn't just hug everyone, that says a lot. If I'm feeling this way, I know lots of others are too.

We just want normal back.

We talk about a new normal. About what it might look like. What it might mean. How we can manage.

But it's not what we really want.

When you get beneath it all, we're longing for normal. For how things used to be.

Before I go on, let me be clear on one thing: I'm not here to debate whether we have a new normal. I'm not going to debate the choices made or not made. While our current reality has prompted some of the thoughts in this post, I'm not writing about opinions on it. You can agree or disagree, but this is not the place to debate that. I will delete all comments along those lines without notice or comment from me.

Whatever happens, there is one thing we know, this has changed and will continue to change us all. Just as any difficult time will do. When we walk through something hard, we will come out of it different than we were when we entered in.

I've been reading Beth Moore's newest book Chasing Vines and working on the study that goes with it. A couple days ago, I read a chapter that challenged me on how hard times change us. In the book, Beth writes:

"When we're going through a difficult season, wouldn't the best news of all be that life would simply go back to normal someday? When the framework of our daily existence gets completely dismantled and the landscape around us grows increasingly unreliable, our strongest longing is seldom prosperity. What we yearn for is normalcy. We don't tend to ask for the moon when we've lost all we've known. We just want some semblance of our old lives back.

The hard truth is, there's no real going back. But once we get up again, there can be a going forward. In His faithfulness, God sees to it what we thought was the end isn't the end at all. And eventually, perhaps not terribly long after, we realize we transitioned into a new normal."

We can't go back to what was normal before because what we've walked through has changed us. We're not the same person, so even the same things will be different because we've changed.

The danger for us comes when we become so focused on getting back to "normal" we miss God's new in our lives. When we do this, we stop producing any fruit for God's kingdom in our lives.

A little later in the same chapter, Beth writes:

"But in time, finding fruitfulness again will make more difference than you can imagine. If we can't have our treasured yesterday back, at least tomorrow can matter. The wonder of fruit bearing is that something meaningful can come from the meanest of seasons. What we endured matters."

If we allow God to work through our hard times, He will produce something beautiful in our lives. That is always His plan. But, we can't hold onto and keep looking for what once was.

So, how do we do this? How do we move through hard seasons and allow God to bring something beautiful out of them?

In the Bible study that goes along with the book, Beth writes:

"It is human nature to focus on what has changed in our lives and to long for what we once had. But when we're faced with the pain and anxiety of loss and change, perhaps we should fix our minds on what remains the same in our lives. God is constant even when our circumstances are not."

We get through and begin to live the new life God has for us by fixing our eyes on Him. He doesn't change no matter our circumstances.

So, where are your eyes fixed right now?

"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." - 2 Corinthians 4:18

"Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith." - Hebrews 12:1-2

Brave?

Brave.

I see that word from almost everywhere in my house. It's written on the chalkboard hanging by my reading chair.

Brave.

The word God gave for 2020 in January.

I've struggled with seeing that word written there for the last few months. I definitely haven't felt brave - at least no according to what I've always thought of as brave. I mostly feel like it's just been taking everything I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. That hardly feels like what comes to mind when I think of the word brave.

A few days ago, I decided to look up what the word actually meant. To see if my thoughts were correct. I was both surprised and encouraged by what I found.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary gives a few different definitions, depending on whether you're using it as an adjective, verb, or noun. They're all related though.

Adjective - having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty: having or showing courage

Verb - to face or endure with courage

Noun - one with mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty

 

So my thoughts of brave referring to someone who boldly steps into danger weren't wrong, but they were incomplete. Brave doesn't only mean that. Sometimes it can mean just keeping going and moving forward in the face of fear, anxiety, or uncertainty. 

As I dug into how the word brave is used in Scripture, I was challenged in my understanding of the word. Depending on the translation you uses, the same word is sometimes rendered as brave and sometimes as courage or courageous.

I noticed on important thing that changed everything for me. In the majority of uses I could find, this word was used in reference to trusting in God, to depending on Him.

"Wait for the Lord's help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the Lord's help." (Psalm 27:14, NCV)

"I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble, but be brave! I have defeated the world." (John 16:33, NCV)

"On the day I called to you, you answered me. You made me strong and brave. (Psalm 138:3, NCV)

*see also Psalm 31:24, Joshua 1:7-9, 10:25, Deuteronomy 31:6-7, 1 Thessalonians 2:2

I used the NCV (New Century Version) for this as it specifically uses the word brave - in most of these verses, the NIV uses the word courage or courageous.

This is how Scripture defines brave.

Dependence on God. Trust in God.

Seeing the word brave as I go through my day doesn't feel so out of place anymore.

We Need More than Nice Words on a Sign

"Worry ends where faith begins"

"Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its troubles; they empty today of its joy"

"Faith means you have peace, even when the world doesn't have peace"

These are words I've read regularly on a couple of church signs I drive by. They've said the same things since sometime in March.

At first, I read them and moved on. But the longer I see them, the more frustrated I've become with the message.

They're good sounding words. They should like they could be encouraging in an uncertain time. There's even a bit of truth to what they say.

But even those thoughts reveal the problem with them. Yes, they sound good. But, if you're actually struggling with worry, fear, anxiety, they've not encouraging words. They sound like a platitude - you just have to have more faith.

Is the message on these signs in line with Scripture?

Yes. A quick reading would say that.

But, I would also say no. I think that's why, over time, these messages have begun to frustrate me. 

What do I mean?

Yes, Scripture tells us not to worry. And Scripture encourages us to have faith.

No, because Scripture also acknowledges the struggle with worry, fear, anxiety and gives us a whole lot more than just an admonishment to have more faith. Scripture doesn't set worry and faith as opposites - even though we like to do that.

Let's take a look at some of what Scripture actually says.

One of the most commonly quoted Scriptures is Matthew 6:25-34. Jesus' teaching on worry in Sermon on the Mount. We're clearly told not to worry. Jesus makes the futility of worry pretty clear here. He also tells us to choose to seek God first in our lives instead.

But, what we're not told is significant here. We're not told that worry means we don't have faith. Jesus tells us not to worry and He tells us to seek God first, but this passage doesn't say that worry, fear, anxiety negates faith. I would argue that to seek God first instead of staying stuck in worry, fear, anxiety, means you have some measure of faith to begin with - even though you also have worry, fear, anxiety.

We like to use Philippians 4:6-7 in these discussions as well. In these verses, Paul tells us to go to God with our worries, fears, anxieties. We're told to tell them to God so we can experience His peace. If those worries, fears, anxieties mean we don't have faith, why would our response be prayer? That makes no sense.

In 1 Peter 5:7 we're told to "cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." Again, if those anxieties, fears, worries mean you have no faith, why would you cast them on Jesus? To choose to cast them on Jesus, you would need to believe that He cares about you and wants to know.

We can worry about things and still have faith. If worry, fear, anxiety is the antithesis of faith, it would be hard for many of us to have faith. Who hasn't worried sometimes? Who hasn't dealt with fear over certain things? Who hasn't had anxieties?

I believe it all comes down to what we do with our worries, fears, anxieties. We can have them alongside faith, if we're choosing to take our worries, fears, anxieties to Jesus.

Carrying our worries, fears, anxieties on our own will cause us to miss out on what's going on in the moment. But it's not as simple as telling someone that. Sometimes we might need to help them take their worries, fears, anxieties to Jesus.

That's something I'm grateful for a friend doing for me recently. I was struggling with all that's going on and the worry, fear, anxiety it has brought to my life. After seeing me in an inline meeting where I wasa struggling to hold it together, this friend phoned me.

She listened, pointed me to the truth of Scripture, and prayed for me on the phone. In doing so, she helped me take my worries, fears, anxieties to Jesus and leave them there, because I had faith that He could take them and carry them better than I could.

I didn't need church signs with good sounding words on them to help me with my worry, fear, anxiety. I didn't need to be told to just have more faith. I needed to be reminded that I have a place I can take my worry, fear, anxiety. And I needed a friend to remind me that I still had faith.

So, maybe, rather than looking for good sounding words, we can instead help one another walk out the faith we already have when we're struggling.

Shielded by God's Power

". . . This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time." (1 Peter 1:4b-5)

Shielded by God's power

Those words struck me when I read them recently. I think they would have been significant to the original recipients of Peter's letter, just as they are today.

Peter's original recipients were Christians who had been scattered by persecution. They not only needed the reminder of their inheritance to come, the also needed this reminder that God's power shielded, or protected, them. In the midst of circumstances that left then vulnerable and attacked, this would have been a needed encouragement.

While we may not be facing the physical threat these Christians were, we often dealing with a different attack. It can leave us feeling vulnerable. We, too, are shielded by God's power.

Sometimes we don't feel very shielded. I think Peter's original recipients would have felt much the same way. They were still facing persecution and hard times. We still face hard times in our lives.

But, I don't think Peter was speaking of a physical shielding here - not an emotional one either. Peter's words were about being shielded by God's power come in the middle of a section talking about a spiritual inheritance. He's looking beyond the physical.

In the midst of attacks on our spiritual lives, we are shielded by God's power. This is a spiritual protection. We will still know of the attacks our enemy is launching at us, but as long as we choose to come under God's shielding power in those times, we will experience God's protection from those attacks.

This is our choice. We choose, in faith, to place ourselves under God's shield. We choose to hide ourselves under it.

Obedience Required

What do you do when God asks you to do something when you've come to Him asking for healing?

That's the question that I spent time pondering the last few days. I was reading 2 King 5, where Naaman goes to Elisha to seek healing of his leprosy. When Elisha tells Naaman to dip seven times in the Jordan and then he will be healed, Naaman initially refuses to do so.

2 Kings 5:11-14 says:

But Naaman went away angry and said, "I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call on the name of the Lord his God, wave his hand over the spot and cure me of my leprosy. Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Couldn't I wash in them and be cleansed?" So he turned and went off in a rage.
Naaman's servants went to him and said, "My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, 'Wash and be cleansed'!" So he went down and dipped himslef in the Jordan seven times, as the man of God had told him, and his flesh was restored and became clean like that of a young boy.

Elisha told Naaman the healing he was seeking would come from his obedience. But Naaman was not interested at first. He was enraged at the thought of what he had been asked to do.

It wasn't until his servants challenged his thinking and encouraged him to follow through that Naaman was able to experience the fullness of God's healing in his life.

This made me wonder . . . 

How do I respond to what God asks me to do when I come to Him seeking healing?

Am I annoyed or angry that I have something I need to do in obedience?

Do I see the things of obedience God asks of me as ridiculous, or of getting in the way of what I was asking for?

Or, am I willing, like Naaman eventually was, to follow through?

I think that often our obedience is required for us to experience the fullness of God's healing in our lives. 

Not that God can't or won't heal us other ways. He can and He does. It's not hard to find stories of that.

But, I also think that we often have a part to play in the healing we're asking God to bring - whether that healing be physical, emotional, or spiritual. He heals us in the moment, but it's as we walk out what He says in obedience that we experience the fullness of it.

A New Year

A new year . . . it seems like this is a time of year when people are more reflective than usual.

The time when they look back on what the year that's ending has been.

The time when people make resolutions or goals for the next year.

But, how long do many of those resolutions and goals last?

It seems like so often, all those good intentions we had have long left by February, or even before the end of January.

So, is it worth it to even do so?

Are those reflections and those resolutions worth the time we take to think about them?

There is value in taking the time to reflect, to pay attention to what God has done in our lives in the last year. We need to remember and make note of the ways God has showed up for us. When things get hard in our lives and we're wondering where God is, it's those memories of times when He showed up in the past that give us courage to keep going.

I also think there is value in looking ahead to the new year. Thinking about what God might want to lead you into. We may not know exactly what God has planned for us in the new year, but we can still take the time to pray about what God has planned, and to surrender, again to His will for our lives.