OK, so I just finished reading a book called "Everybody's Normal Till You Get to Know Them" (John Ortberg). The book was talking abou the importance of community. There was a lot of good stuff in there, but I'm not talking so much about the book tonight as a couple of thoughts that came to mind that are related to the book and to some of the questions I have gotten about how to actually go about putting into practice what I talked about in my last post.
Honestly, I think that the only way we can begin to remove that masks that we so often wear is to begin with small groups of people - whether this is a group of close friends, a Bible study group, an accountability group, or whatever. We need to have those groups of people in our lives who we can go to and be honest with . . . and who will be honest with us as well. Without these kind of people in our lives, what hope do we really have of moving beyond the "image management" that we have gotten caught up in? I honestly don't believe we have much . . . not that I want to be depressing, but I think it's true.
I know for myself, I've grown up in the church and I was raised that what other people think is important. So, we could fight all the way to the church, but the moment we turned into the parking lot . . . smiles on everyone's faces and the answer to how things were going was "great" . . . even if that wasn't the truth. Not exactly honest . . . but I've talked to others who had the same experience growing up.
But, I've also experienced the opposite . . . I had the privilege of living with some incredible girls for the two years that I was at Bible college. And I saw how . . . at least most of the time . . . to move beyond this "image management" metality. First of all, when you have 40 girls, two to a room, with one big bathroom at the end of the hall you see more and hear more about people just due to the living situation. But, I also never knew one of them to ask how you were doing and allow the answer to just be "fine" or "good" or "ok". The standard answers were not enough . . . and usually the questions asked were more specific than just asking "how's it going?" as you passed someone.
That was a learning experience for me . . . but it was good!
I think we need to start having those people in our lives who will ask us how we are and want a real answer. I think we need to start having people in our lives who we give permission to for them to ask us the hard questions. I think we need to start having people in our lives who are not afraid to say something when we're headed for trouble.
And if this is going to happen, we have to be these kind of people for others in our lives as well. We need to be willing to speak up when we're concerned about a friend or ask the tough questions. This isn't a one way thing . . . it has to go both ways.
Right now, we each need to find people who we can be completely honest with in our lives.
Who is this in your life?
If there isn't anyone who you could trust in this way, what is the next thing you can do to move towards having these kind of people in your life?
I asked myself these questions recently. I count myself lucky to be able to say that I do have people who ask me the tough questions or speak up when I'm headed for trouble in my life now. But, I haven't always . . . because it takes a risk to do this . . . to trust some people enough to be this open and honest with them. But the rewards of doing so are huge . . . and far outwiegh the benefits.
So, I challenge you . . . find these people in your life and develop these kinds of relationships. They won't happen overnight . . . so get started! Or if you have these people in your life already . . . continue to develop those relationships.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
confessing our sin
I've been thinking a lot lately about how we handle our own sin in the church and how the Bible says that we should. In the church we so often hide our sin rather than allow anyone to know about it. I know I do it often.
But, Job 31:33-34 got me thinking about whether this is right when I read it earlier today. It says:
"if I have concealed my sin as men do, by hiding my guilt in my heart because I so feared the crowd . . ."
In this chapter, Job is talking about about things that he didn't do in his life. Job was saying that he didn't try to hide his sin . . . and that this is a good thing.
It is our natural tendency to hide our sin because we're worried what other people might think of us if they found out. But, maybe our - my own - tendency to try to hide my sin isn't good.
When sin is kept secret it retains its power over us. But, when sin is no longer a secret it loses much of its power over us. In James 5:16 we are told to confess our sins to one another. It is extolled as something good that we are supposed to do.
I think that most of the time this practice of confessing our sins to a trusted Christian brother or sister is something that is sorely missing in the church today. We have gotten so caught up in this idea of "image management" and worries about what others think of us that we don't want anyone else to know about struggles.
But the church wasn't meant to work this way! The church should be the one place where can and do safely share our struggles and confess our sins to break their power over us! But, sadly, it is often the last place that people want to admit any of their weaknesses, because of a fear of what other people will think of them.
I wonder what would happen if the church would finally move beyond this and begin to confess our sins, struggles, tempations, weaknesses to one another in safe non-judgmental environments. Obviously, we don't have to go into great detail, but so often just admitting that you're struggling with sin in an area of your life breaks so much of the power. Think of all the strangelholds of Satan that could be broken by bringing secrets out into the open. It would be pretty cool!
But, Job 31:33-34 got me thinking about whether this is right when I read it earlier today. It says:
"if I have concealed my sin as men do, by hiding my guilt in my heart because I so feared the crowd . . ."
In this chapter, Job is talking about about things that he didn't do in his life. Job was saying that he didn't try to hide his sin . . . and that this is a good thing.
It is our natural tendency to hide our sin because we're worried what other people might think of us if they found out. But, maybe our - my own - tendency to try to hide my sin isn't good.
When sin is kept secret it retains its power over us. But, when sin is no longer a secret it loses much of its power over us. In James 5:16 we are told to confess our sins to one another. It is extolled as something good that we are supposed to do.
I think that most of the time this practice of confessing our sins to a trusted Christian brother or sister is something that is sorely missing in the church today. We have gotten so caught up in this idea of "image management" and worries about what others think of us that we don't want anyone else to know about struggles.
But the church wasn't meant to work this way! The church should be the one place where can and do safely share our struggles and confess our sins to break their power over us! But, sadly, it is often the last place that people want to admit any of their weaknesses, because of a fear of what other people will think of them.
I wonder what would happen if the church would finally move beyond this and begin to confess our sins, struggles, tempations, weaknesses to one another in safe non-judgmental environments. Obviously, we don't have to go into great detail, but so often just admitting that you're struggling with sin in an area of your life breaks so much of the power. Think of all the strangelholds of Satan that could be broken by bringing secrets out into the open. It would be pretty cool!
Sunday, November 4, 2007
moving . . . ugh! (but apparently some good lessons can come from it)
So, I'm sitting in my new apartment . . . I moved in yesterday, to live with three of my friends. I'm glad to be here. But, I definitely hate the whole process of moving . . . packing all your stuff in boxes, suitcases, etc only to drive to a new place and take it all out again. But, I'm not writing this complain about moving.
As I was sorting and packing my stuff, I got to thinking about what is most important in life. So often we put our value in what we own - our stuff - but is that really what is important in life? As I decided what to move and what to get rid of I began to realize that the most important things I had don't come from the actual stuff I have, the most important things were the friendships and life-changing events that some of those things represented.
The stuffed animals . . . I have a lot of them and I like them . . . but the ones that mean the most are the ones given to me by close friends or family . . . they represent a valued realtionship in my life. My Bible . . . I have more than one, but this particular one . . . the first (non-children's) one that I was given by my parents . . . it's been well used . . . three summers as camp staff, two years at Bible college, missions trips, youth events, and just the rest of life in-between . . . the Bible is pretty worn and the pages are falling out, but it has meaning because of the journey of my life that it has been a part of. My journals . . . the story of my life . . . my battles, my victories . . . really they're just notebooks that only have meaning because of what I have written on the pages. My saxophone . . . the first musical instrument that was ever my own . . . I honestly don't play it much anymore . . . but it means something because I know that my parents spent a long time searching for one that they could afford to get for me so I didn't have to borrow one from the school. Or my photo scrapbooks . . . pages of pictures and stories . . . I love looking at them . . . but not because of what they are actually are . . . because of the parts of my life that those pictures and stories represent. My golf clubs . . . I don't play as much as I wish I could . . . but they represent a special relationship with my grandparents . . . they taught me to golf and spent many hours every summer golfing with me . . . that time with them is invaluable . . . but my golf clubs represent that to me.
I would consider all of these things important to me. But, as I was packing them up to move them this last week, I realized that I didn't consider them important just because they were things I owned, but they were important because of what or who they represented in my life. While I most definitely wouldn't want to lose any of these things that I consider important . . . I think if I did someday, I would be OK as long as the people and life events they respresent to me were not lost.
I think that maybe I need to tell the people that these things are from how much they really mean to me more often than I do right now. So, if you are reading this, it's probably becsause I've passed the information on to you and I would consider you a friend. For starters, thank you to you for being a friend and being someone who I appreciate having in my life.
As I was sorting and packing my stuff, I got to thinking about what is most important in life. So often we put our value in what we own - our stuff - but is that really what is important in life? As I decided what to move and what to get rid of I began to realize that the most important things I had don't come from the actual stuff I have, the most important things were the friendships and life-changing events that some of those things represented.
The stuffed animals . . . I have a lot of them and I like them . . . but the ones that mean the most are the ones given to me by close friends or family . . . they represent a valued realtionship in my life. My Bible . . . I have more than one, but this particular one . . . the first (non-children's) one that I was given by my parents . . . it's been well used . . . three summers as camp staff, two years at Bible college, missions trips, youth events, and just the rest of life in-between . . . the Bible is pretty worn and the pages are falling out, but it has meaning because of the journey of my life that it has been a part of. My journals . . . the story of my life . . . my battles, my victories . . . really they're just notebooks that only have meaning because of what I have written on the pages. My saxophone . . . the first musical instrument that was ever my own . . . I honestly don't play it much anymore . . . but it means something because I know that my parents spent a long time searching for one that they could afford to get for me so I didn't have to borrow one from the school. Or my photo scrapbooks . . . pages of pictures and stories . . . I love looking at them . . . but not because of what they are actually are . . . because of the parts of my life that those pictures and stories represent. My golf clubs . . . I don't play as much as I wish I could . . . but they represent a special relationship with my grandparents . . . they taught me to golf and spent many hours every summer golfing with me . . . that time with them is invaluable . . . but my golf clubs represent that to me.
I would consider all of these things important to me. But, as I was packing them up to move them this last week, I realized that I didn't consider them important just because they were things I owned, but they were important because of what or who they represented in my life. While I most definitely wouldn't want to lose any of these things that I consider important . . . I think if I did someday, I would be OK as long as the people and life events they respresent to me were not lost.
I think that maybe I need to tell the people that these things are from how much they really mean to me more often than I do right now. So, if you are reading this, it's probably becsause I've passed the information on to you and I would consider you a friend. For starters, thank you to you for being a friend and being someone who I appreciate having in my life.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)