learning to be me

For the last while, God has been using things I've experienced in my life to remind me of or reveal to me things He has taught me. This post is another one of those memories. It's sometimes strange to me how clear a memory becomes, but then I see what God is saying through it and it makes sense. With that, on to what the post is actually about...

The drive seemed never ending. Field after field of the same thing. A few houses and farm buildings dotted the fields.

As darkness fell, I found myself watching the sky. The stars. The moon. A clarity I wasn't used to. No city lights obscuring.

It was the beginning of a new journey for me. As I sat in the backseat of the car watching the sky, I felt a mixture of excitement and nervousness.

Bible college.

A small prairie town.

A sixteen hour drive from the only place I'd ever lived.

I could hardly believe it was actually happening. I'd thought about going to this school for a few years and never felt the time was right, or had the courage to actually go. But now it was reality.

New town.

New roommate (and back to sharing a room after years of not).

New friends.

The chapel was visible from a distance. It's how we knew we were getting close. Finally, we turned into the two that would be my home for the next eight months.

New student registration.

Pick up my class schedule and other important information.

Find my dorm.

Moving my stuff into my room seemed almost surreal. My Mom wanted to help me unpack it all right away. I wanted to do it myself . . . later. But, I did let her help a little, then left the rest for later.

It seemed like doing that myself was a necessary beginning of my new adventure. The beginning of a journey of learning to be me.

At home everyone knew me (at least it felt that way). Here, nobody did . . . yet.

At home everyone knew my family. Here, a handful recognized my parents' names, but didn't really know them.

At home it felt like I had been put in a specific place where I was supposed to serve at church. Here, I could do what I wanted.

Those things excited me.

They also scared me.

I like the comfortable. I like to know what to expect. But I knew I needed to learn who I was. And this was a place to do that.

I knew God had led me here. I knew it was the right place for me to be right now. I had to trust Him.

Following where God leads us. It's not always the easiest thing, but it's always the best thing. When we go where God wants us to go, He does great things in our lives because we let Him in.

Sometimes He takes us away from what is comfortable and familiar to teach us who He made us to be. That's what going to Bible college was for me. For you it might be something different. What is important, is that we follow God into those strange and uncomfortable places so we can learn.

By the end of two years, Bible college had become a comfortable and familiar place for me. But those two years had served their purpose. I had a better idea of what God had for me and how He had created me. And I was sure enough of it that I could go back to a place where people had known me for a long time and still be who God created me to be instead of anything else.

the beauty of the family of God

A room full of women. Laughter. Conversation. Food. Games. Enjoying one another's company.

Different ages. Different things that fill our lives.

But one thing in common - we all love God. And we serve together.

As I sat at the table and listened to the conversation I was struck by how odd this may be in the world we live in today. All of us from different walks of life brought together by what we do have in common.

We may not be family in the normal way we think of it. But, we're family in so many other ways. The family of God.

And I felt blessed because of it. My life is richer because of them being a part of it.

As I drove home earlier this evening after spending time with these women, I began to think about how that time had been just a glimpse into how things should be. We need each other. And we need to learn from people whose lives look very different than ours.

They can teach us things we would never learn otherwise, and the women around that table have taught me things just by being a part of my life.

I truly believe that is the way God intended for us to live. Not always dividing ourselves up by age or life stage (although there is a place for that as well)), but learning together and learning from each other.

a God of beauty and love

Laying in the middle of a field. Watching the night sky. Lost in what we see.

Beautiful.

Awesome.

Amazing.

Nothing but those brief words were exchanged. The rest of the time spent in silent awe.

Lights dancing in the sky. Greens. Blues. Yellows. Purples. The Northern Lights were putting on quite a show that night. They filled the sky as far as we could see.

It didn't matter that it was cold. We stayed huddled close together.

It didn't matter that it was late and we should have been sleeping. We would go to class in the morning tired.

We were captivated by what we were watching. By the awesome beauty of a sky come alive. We didn't want to miss a moment of it.

Finally, we got up and headed inside to get some sleep. The cold had become too cold and we had to move. Even then we walked in silence back to the dorm enjoying the last moments of what we had been watching.

Sleep didn't come easy for me that night. I lay in bed wondering at the God who had created what we had just watched.

What kind of God would take the time to create something like that?

What kind of God would cause light to dance across the sky at night?

What kind of God would care enough about the details to create something so incredible, yet so small in the midst of all creation?

A God of love.

A God of beauty.

A God who loves to create beauty.

That is the God Who would do that.

And that is the God I serve.

What an amazing reminder of Who God is. A glimpse of His character.

With those thoughts I finally drifted off the sleep. A sleep that seemed much to short when my alarm went off. But I didn't regret that lack of sleep. The beauty of it all and the revelation that God gave me made it worth it. I wouldn't change anything about that night just to get more sleep. Sometimes other things are more important. This was one of those times.

The evening I've written about here happened just over eight years ago, but it's a night that I've never forgotten. There was something about the beauty of it all and the reminder of Who the God I serve is that I don't ever want to forget. Sometimes life has moments like that. Moments we don't want to forget.