In a few places lately, I've come across letters people wrote to their younger self - the most recent time being over at The Single Woman. It's interesting to read their thoughts of what they would tell their younger self and it's prompted my own thoughts on the topic.
I've been thinking about what I would write to my younger self - specifically myself ten years ago. Ten years ago, I was just finishing up my second to last semester of college. I was five months away from graduating with a business degree. I had my plans for the future - plans that were ultimately different than my reality now. There was nothing wrong with them; they just weren't what God had for me.
Dear Younger Self,
Right now, you're looking at your graduation date with excitement and a bit of fear for what the future will hold. The culmination of four years of hard work. You have plans for the kind of job you're going to get, to get married. All of them are good things, but don't hold on so tightly to them that you miss God's plans for you. He has some things in store for you that you could never dream of on your own.
Take the time to enjoy your last semester of school. Go deep in your classes. Soak in all you can learn. It will be a long time before you can embrace studying and learning this way again.
Invest in the friendships you have with those in the dorm. Don't take your studies too seriously to go on adventures with them and have those late night conversations. Some of the friendships you are investing in now, will continue to be important ones in future years. They're the people you will call when life gets hard and you need encouragement or advice. Take the time now to go deep in those friendships.
Some of those friendships will drift apart after you all move on from living in dorm together. Invest the time you have in those friendships now anyway. Those people are in your life for a reason right now. They will impact your life now for the future. You will become who you are going to be, in part, because of the time you spend together now.
You have your plans for what you want to do for a career and where you want to serve at church when you go home. Be willing to allow God to take you in a different direction - to show you something different. You'll save yourself so much frustration and boredom if you go with God in His direction right away - rather than fight for your way. Don't hold onto your plans too tightly. Let God change them.
Your plan to get married and have a family of your own won't happen in this time frame of ten years. You'll have two choices in how you deal with this: 1) You can get frustrated with waiting and stop living life because you don't have what you want. Or, 2) You can choose to live life to the full, to do what you love and what God has given you to do, all while still longing to get married. It's your choice what you do, but one will give you a life of meaning and one will give you a life of regrets.
Your life in ten years is going to look very different than you imagine it will right now. But, you will know God's faithfulness in a way you can't understand right now. Whatever happens, don't allow the storms of life to cause you to doubt or turn away from God. Keep holding on to God and trusting Him with your future. You'll never regret doing that.
Sincerely,
Your Older Self
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
Sunday, November 30, 2014
A Challenge Single People Face During the Holidays
"You and a guest at invited to our Staff Christmas Party."
The annual invite showed up in my work email inbox. My work staff Christmas party was coming up. Or, as it sometimes feels, the annual reminder that I'm still single - that I don't have a guest to bring with me.
When I RSVP to the party, the inevitable question: "For 1 or 2 people?"
"Just me." I respond. Thinking, but not saying aloud: Like usual, I'm coming alone. I know there was no intent to remind me of that by asking the question - they were just making sure they have the correct numbers.
When the night of the Christmas party comes, I'll face the same dilemma I face every time: Where do I sit for dinner?
All the tables have an even number of chairs at them. Perfect for the people who come with a spouse or a significant other. But it makes it awkward for those of us without a date. Any table we sit at, now has a potentially empty seat left at it.
Or, even worse, if there's only the same number of seats as people coming, our choice of a table may mean a couple ends up sitting at two different tables because there aren't two seats left at the same table.
Most of the time, I'm okay with my single status. I would still like to get married, but I'm not going to let it keep me from enjoying life. I've gotten used to going out for dinner, going to a movie, showing up at any other work event, or any other number of activities by myself. And usually, I enjoy them.
But, there's something about the holidays, that challenges this. Something that causes me to be more uncomfortable showing up at events and parties alone. I'm not sure what exactly, but I've talked to enough singles to know I'm not alone in this. It seems to be a common struggle, that no one has an easy solution for. So, each year, I find myself opening that email at work, knowing the same struggles and feelings will come again.
As I've been writing this post, I've been trying to come up with a tidy way to conclude it - an easy solution that would fix this dilemma. But, I don't know if there is one. I think this might be one of those realities of life as a single person there is no easy answer to.
My thought is that the only thing we can do in these situations if show grace to one another. And do what we can to make sure everyone is welcome at our Christmas (and other) parties - whether they are single or have a guest to bring with them.
If you are single and have a solution to this problem, I would love to here it in the comments below. Or, if you're no longer single, but have something that worked for you when you were single, leave it in a comment below.
The annual invite showed up in my work email inbox. My work staff Christmas party was coming up. Or, as it sometimes feels, the annual reminder that I'm still single - that I don't have a guest to bring with me.
When I RSVP to the party, the inevitable question: "For 1 or 2 people?"
"Just me." I respond. Thinking, but not saying aloud: Like usual, I'm coming alone. I know there was no intent to remind me of that by asking the question - they were just making sure they have the correct numbers.
When the night of the Christmas party comes, I'll face the same dilemma I face every time: Where do I sit for dinner?
All the tables have an even number of chairs at them. Perfect for the people who come with a spouse or a significant other. But it makes it awkward for those of us without a date. Any table we sit at, now has a potentially empty seat left at it.
Or, even worse, if there's only the same number of seats as people coming, our choice of a table may mean a couple ends up sitting at two different tables because there aren't two seats left at the same table.
Most of the time, I'm okay with my single status. I would still like to get married, but I'm not going to let it keep me from enjoying life. I've gotten used to going out for dinner, going to a movie, showing up at any other work event, or any other number of activities by myself. And usually, I enjoy them.
But, there's something about the holidays, that challenges this. Something that causes me to be more uncomfortable showing up at events and parties alone. I'm not sure what exactly, but I've talked to enough singles to know I'm not alone in this. It seems to be a common struggle, that no one has an easy solution for. So, each year, I find myself opening that email at work, knowing the same struggles and feelings will come again.
As I've been writing this post, I've been trying to come up with a tidy way to conclude it - an easy solution that would fix this dilemma. But, I don't know if there is one. I think this might be one of those realities of life as a single person there is no easy answer to.
My thought is that the only thing we can do in these situations if show grace to one another. And do what we can to make sure everyone is welcome at our Christmas (and other) parties - whether they are single or have a guest to bring with them.
If you are single and have a solution to this problem, I would love to here it in the comments below. Or, if you're no longer single, but have something that worked for you when you were single, leave it in a comment below.
Wednesday, November 26, 2014
We Weren't Made to Walk Alone
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another - and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:23-25)
This is just one of many passages of Scripture that speaks of our need for other people to walk this journey of life together. In these verses, the writer of Hebrews is reminding his readers of their need to make meeting together a priority. And giving them a reason why - to encourage one another.
We weren't made to go it alone. When things get hard, we need other people who are walking with us to make it through. We need their encouragement. We need their presence.
When we try to go it alone, the hard times get harder. And it's easier to just give up rather than pushing through what God has for us.
As I look back on my life, I can easily see the difference in the times when I walked through hard times with other people walking alongside me and times when I tried to get through it myself. Life experience tells me that we weren't created to walk alone. We need other people with us.
If past experience makes it so clear that we need other people to walk with us through life, why do we so easily slip back into trying to get through whatever comes our way alone? Why do we pull back and not share what's going on with those around us who care and want to know?
It doesn't make sense, but it's often what we do. And we have many reasons why we do it.
The truth is, all of those reasons we can give for why we try to go it alone, really come down to pride. We don't allow others to walk with us because of our pride. Sharing what is really going on would require us to be vulnerable and show our weakness.
Our culture tells us that we shouldn't show weakness. We are encouraged to live as if we have no weaknesses. So, we learn to live behind walls that never let anyone behind them. We don't let others in because we're not willing to be vulnerable - we're told being vulnerable is a weakness itself.
But, Scripture makes it clear that we need one another. We weren't made to get through life alone. And past experiences confirm that for us. We need to learn to share with one another and allow others to walk through the hard times with us.
This is just one of many passages of Scripture that speaks of our need for other people to walk this journey of life together. In these verses, the writer of Hebrews is reminding his readers of their need to make meeting together a priority. And giving them a reason why - to encourage one another.
We weren't made to go it alone. When things get hard, we need other people who are walking with us to make it through. We need their encouragement. We need their presence.
When we try to go it alone, the hard times get harder. And it's easier to just give up rather than pushing through what God has for us.
As I look back on my life, I can easily see the difference in the times when I walked through hard times with other people walking alongside me and times when I tried to get through it myself. Life experience tells me that we weren't created to walk alone. We need other people with us.
If past experience makes it so clear that we need other people to walk with us through life, why do we so easily slip back into trying to get through whatever comes our way alone? Why do we pull back and not share what's going on with those around us who care and want to know?
It doesn't make sense, but it's often what we do. And we have many reasons why we do it.
- We don't want to burden other people.
- We don't want to sound negative.
- We don't know anyone well enough to share it with them.
- We don't want to be perceived as weak.
- We want to prove we're strong enough to get through it alone.
The truth is, all of those reasons we can give for why we try to go it alone, really come down to pride. We don't allow others to walk with us because of our pride. Sharing what is really going on would require us to be vulnerable and show our weakness.
Our culture tells us that we shouldn't show weakness. We are encouraged to live as if we have no weaknesses. So, we learn to live behind walls that never let anyone behind them. We don't let others in because we're not willing to be vulnerable - we're told being vulnerable is a weakness itself.
But, Scripture makes it clear that we need one another. We weren't made to get through life alone. And past experiences confirm that for us. We need to learn to share with one another and allow others to walk through the hard times with us.
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