I Don't Need a Dessert Created for me Because I'm Single

I've started and stopped writing this post a hundred times in the last couple weeks. Deleted it all to write something new. Deleted the new to rewrite what I'd written before. I wasn't even sure I was going to post this for others to read.

Until I saw today on Facebook that Dairy Queen has created a blizzard for single people on Valentine's day.

I had to go back a few times to read it, because I wasn't sure I had read ti correctly the first time.

. . . a blizzard . . . 

. . . for singles . . .

. . . for Valentine's day???

Seriously???

But, as I read it, I realized they appear to be serious about this. And, even if this is some kind of a joke, the fact that they would go this far with it is just as ridiculous.

Can just put this out there?

This isn't what those of us who are single for Valentine's day are looking for. (At least not most of us.)

We don't need a dessert created for us.

We don't need to have businesses doing something different for us just because we're single on a day when relationships are front and center.

We don't need pity from those who feel our lives are less than on Valentine's day just because we're single.

We don't need our singleness emphasized on a day that can already be more difficult than others simply because there is a focus on love and relationships.

So, if that's what we don't need, you may be left wondering what we do need - not just on Valentine's day, but really every day. The truth I've discovered is that what we need isn't too much different than what most of need just as people, whether we're single or married. The nuances might look different for single people, but it all comes down to the same thing.

We need to be defined by something other than our singleness. Yes, we're single and that has a big impact on every aspect of our lives. But it's not all that we are. Just as those who are married are more than just someone's husband or wife, or those who are parents are a mom or a dad. My being single is just a part of who I am. Please don't define me only by that label.

We need to know we're not alone - that we belong somewhere. That we have family and friends around us who care, who love us, who encourage us, who listen, who will call us out when we need it, who will push us out of our complacency.

We need to be treated like normal when we go to restaurants by ourselves. Even if we forget it's Valentine's day and show up by ourselves - just treat us as you would any other customers. We need to know we're not going to be treated differently just because we show up alone. (And for some reason, outside of a quick middle of the work-day lunch this seems to be seen as strange by many.)

We need to talk about life with you like you always do with other people. Don't avoid talking about your spouse and kids with us. We feel more weird about our singleness if family is a subject you avoid, than if you just talk about your family as it is. For us, our family situation may look different, but we still want to talk about family - yours and ours.

We need you to understand that some days we'll handle being single better than others - especially if we still have a desire to be married one day. Some days, I'm okay with still being single. Some days, I'm not so okay with it. I don't need you to pity my situations, but sometimes I just need someone to hear me say I'm not as okay with it today, and not try to tell me why being single is better or give me advice about how to find someone.

I'm sure I could make a long list to go with this, but I think these are the important ones. And I think the truth is that most us, whether single or married, need:

-to be known for more than just one part of who we are

-to know we're not alone, that we belong somewhere

-to be treated like others in any situation we find ourselves in

-to have conversations about all of life with people, not have certain topics avoided

-to be listened to when things are hard without being told how to fix it all

It's really as simple as needing to be known by people and to know them. A need that God created us with.

But, please, whatever you do, don't create something that you advertise as being for single's on Valentine's day. That doesn't help anyone.

Reflecting His Image

"Every person bears God's image."

How many times have you heard this? And in what situations?

If you're like me, you've heard it most often related to the challenging people in our lives. It's the words we hear when we're finding a person in our lives difficult to love.

And it is true. Even though it's marred, we still reflect the image of God because we were made in His image at creation.

But, it's not exactly what we want to hear when we're in that situation. It's usually the last thing we want to hear, or are in a position to really hear.

But, even when it's hard to hear, and even more difficult to believe, that doesn't change the truth. And, in those situations, when we hold onto that truth, it can change the way we look at the other person, and the way we treat them.

Let's think about it for ourselves first. We know we've been made in the image of God. We also know that we sin and we don't always do a very good job of reflecting that image of God in us to the world around us. Our sin mars the image of God in it. We can't see it clearly and others can't see it clearly in us. But it's still there and there are still glimpses of it.

Going back to the people we find challenging in our lives - that same thing that's true about us is also true about that person. In some people it's far more difficult to see the image of God that was stamped onto all humanity at creation, than in others. But, it is there in all people.

And when it gets to someone who is close to us in relationship and we spend more time with, it can be even more difficult when they become the person around us who is hard to love. That's when it becomes really important that we remember the truth that all humanity was created in the image of God. We need to pay attention to the glimpses of it that we can still see.

Remembering that, holding onto it, looking for the glimpses of it - that changes the way we pray for that person, the way we interact with them. It doesn't mean we accept words and actions that cause harm to us or others we need to protect. But, it does mean that even when we need to remove ourselves from a person, we pray remembering that, however marred it has become by sin, this person has the image of God stamped on them.

It's not easy. I've been learning just how difficult this is, and how powerful it is to think and pray this way. To interact with a challenging person while keeping this in my mind. Honestly, it keeps me praying, even when things are difficult.

Do you have a person in your life who is hard to love? What would happen if you began looking for glimpses of the image of God stamped on them and allowed that to influence your prayers for them and interactions with them?

Learning to Love the Life you didn't Plan On

Growing up, I had a plan for what my life would be like. What would happen when. They encouraged me to do this in school. But, even the best made plans don't always come to fruition.

I was going through a box of old journals recently and read one of those pages where I had planned our what my life after high school would look like. As I read it, I was struck by how different from that plan my life today actually is.

My plans when I was in high school had me finishing my business degree in four years, getting a job at an accounting firm and getting my designation as an accountant in three years following that. In my plan, I would have gotten married in that time and have kids once I finished all the other.

My reality started out according to that plan. I did get my business degree after four years. But, that's as much as it went according to my plan. I'm not an accountant. I'm not married. But, I have a job I love and I have the freedom to be involved in things I love at my church.

For a long time I struggled with not having the life I had so carefully planned in high school. When people talked to me about making that plan, they seemed to imply that it would happen - even if that wasn't what they intended. So, when things didn't go according to my plan, I wondered what I had done wrong in making my plan.

A couple years ago, I came to the realization that I was missing out on a lot of good stuff God had planned for me, because I was still holding on to that plan I had. I had to get to the point of surrendering my plan to God, so I could embrace His - whatever it might look like.

As I began walking that journey of letting go of my plans and embracing God's, my perspective changed. Instead of seeing what I didn't have and wishing for it, I started to see everything I did have. All the things God has blessed me with - many of which I'd been missing for a long time.

It doesn't mean I don't still want some of those things that were in my original plan, but it does mean I'm not focused on them to the exclusion of what I have been given. It's a balance, and I often find I've wandered to one side or the other. But, as I learn to be grateful for all that God has blessed me with, I'm learning to love the life I have while still having things I desire.