Friendship - What Does Scripture Say?

We weren't made to go through life alone.

It doesn't take reading very much of Scripture to this pretty clear. The model of Jesus, and of many others in Scripture is one of living life with others - in community. If deep friendship with one another.

But, for some reason, we've bought into the lie of our culture that we can do it on our own. That we don't need anyone to get through anything. And it's gotten us in trouble.

So, maybe we need to begin by taking a look at what Scripture says about friendship. If we weren't created to go through life alone, then Scripture should have plenty to teach us about what friendship and walking together through life looks like.

As I began to look at this topic and study what Scripture says about it, I realized it could be, and probably should be, a lifelong study. There are some common themes on friendship I discovered that I want to share as I believe they highlight the foundation of what I'm talking about here.

I've wrestled with how to put this into a post and I'm going to break a lot of the "rules" out there for what a post should look like with this one. And I'm doing so because I want you to go to Scripture and look at it and read it for yourself - read the context and ask God to help you understand what He is saying.

In future posts, I'll talk more about these things with with more stories and the practical side of things. But, I think the foundation Scripture lays out needs to be set out clearly as I begin this.

So, what does Scripture say about friendship?

• Friends love at all times - Proverbs 17:17
• Friends can be trusted, even when they speak hard truth to us - Proverbs 27:6
• Friends stick close - Proverbs 18:24
• Friends help one another up when they fall - Ecclesiastes 4:10
• Friends offer comfort in sorrow - John 11:33-36, Job 2:11
• Friends keep confidences - Proverbs 11:13
• Friends are people chosen carefully - Proverbs 12:26
• Friends sacrifice for one another - John 15:13
• Friends offer heartfelt advice and are pleasant to be around - Proverbs 27:9
• Friends celebrate with one another - Luke 15:9
• Friends care for each other's needs - Acts 27:3
• Friends love one another - 1 John 4:7

This is far from an exhaustive list - much of it from what Proverbs says about friendship. If you were to look further at just what the book of Proverbs says, you would also see a lot of warnings about what friendship isn't.

But I intentionally chose to focus on what friends are and what they do, because I find that more difficult to describe. My life experience tells me a lot of what friends aren't, but what friends are, for some reason, seems to be harder to define and describe for me.

Scripture does also include some examples of friendship in action. That will be the subject of my next post.

What do we do about Loneliness? What is the Solution?

Friendship.

As my series this fall on loneliness finished up, I knew that what needed to come next was a discussion of friendship and community. If we're going to deal with the loneliness epidemic in our culture, then real friendship and community is the only solution.

But, even as I knew this, I felt completely unqualified to write anything on the topic. Most of the time I'm not sure I'm qualified to write on what I talk about on my blog, but this topic leaves me feeling even more unqualified than usual.

The question I've asked myself is: What does an introvert with social anxiety disorder possibly have to say about friendship and community that can help anyone? Especially one who has often struggled with friendship and not done well in this area.

But, if I've learned one thing over the time of writing this blog, it's that most of what I write teaches me something in the process of writing it. That seems to be why I write anything - to learn it myself.

So, I guess this is my invitation to join me in this. I don't promise to have all the answers or to be able to tell you exactly what the solution looks like in practical ways. But, about loneliness and not also talk about friendship and community.

Many of the books I've read on singleness in the last year, talk quite extensively about this topic, because it's important, for all, but I would argue especially for those of us who are single. As a single adult, I have to be that much more intentional about friendship and community. It is appallingly easy to go through an entire week without seeing or talking to anyone but co-workers about work. Or to go an entire weekend without seeing or talking to anyone.

I've had many people tell me I'm lucky that I can do that, or that it's a good thing. And, I do need time alone, but that I can isolate myself from others so easily is not a good thing. And when it happens, I pay a price and so does anyone who does that.

Friendship and community doesn't mean we're never alone. But, when we can disappear and it's not noticed, we have a big problem. And it's a contributor to our culture's loneliness epidemic.

Sam Allberry puts it this way in his book 7 Myths About Singleness:

"The sad reality is that there is now an appalling paucity of friendship in many of our churches. FOr our Western Culture, and, sadly, for much of our church culture as well, friendship is largely dispensible. When it comes to intimacy, our focus is on the romantic and the marital. But this is all a far cry from what the Bible has in mind when it talks about friendship."

I wrote in fall about intimacy and ho we've forgotten what it actually is. (Find the post here.)

I think in many ways, we need to grasp a better understanding of intimacy to see friendship as the solution to the loneliness epidemic.

"Our society, including the evangelical church, struggles to imagine a relationship that is intimate, fulfilling, and committed yet is not the result of striving toward a sexual union. Because of this, both the idea and the practice of friendship are under assault." (Christina S. Hitchcock, The Significance of Singleness)

So, we need to change this, but how?

That's what I want to explore.

I know I've painted a bit of a dismal picture in this post and I'm going to leave it that way this time. But, there is hope to come. Stay tuned.

God's Peace When Life Isn't Peaceful

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the LORD, the LORD is the Rock eternal." (Isaiah 26:3-4)

I've found myself turning to these verses regularly in the last while. A reminder that peace comes from God, and that it's not based on my circumstances.

As 2019 draws to a close and a new year begins, I know a number of people who are facing circumstances that feel anything but peaceful. And that is my own circumstances as well. 2019 was a hard year for lots of people - likely including many of you reading this, as it was for me.

As I write this, I'm looking at the chalkboard I have hanging by my chair - the one where the word God gave me for 2019 is written. The word written on that chalkboard:

PEACE

When I reflect on 2019, it doesn't seem like a year with much, if any, peace. At least when you look at the circumstances of 2019.

But, as I think more about it and as I've learned more about peace over the last 12 months, I've realized that peace isn't about my circumstances. It's not about what happens.

The peace that God has in mind when He gave me this word for 2019 and the peace talked about in Isaiah 26:3-4, isn't based on circumstances. It's a peace that comes in the middle of often challenging circumstances. It's a peace that comes when we choose to surrender and trust when things don't make any sense.

In Isaiah 9, we are told that Jesus would be called the Prince of Peace when He came. It sounds great and beautiful. And it's true - He is the Prince of Peace.

But, the circumstances Jesus was born into and lived in, were anything but peaceful. One only has to read Matthew 2 and the events around the wise men coming and their conversation with King Herod to know the violence and upheaval that was the time Jesus came to earth. The Prince of Peace wasn't born into a peaceful world.

And He didn't live and minister in a peaceful world either. The truth is, there are times when I look at the way Jesus spoke and ministered and it doesn't seem to jive with the idea of Him being the Prince of Peace.

But, that is why the peace God speaks of isn't based on circumstances or on things making sense to us. The peace God speaks of comes in the midst of trial, in the midst of pain, in the midst of confusion.

I'm not sure how to describe it exactly. Putting words to this part of what I've learned over 2019 is proving more difficult than I thought. But it's something that's different than what we usually think of as peace.

As 2019 comes to an end and I move into 2020, my prayer for all is that we would continue to experience God's peace and understand more of what it means. The Prince of Peace has come and He is with us, no matter what we're walking through. His peace is not dependent on our circumstances or on what our world tells us what it is. We do not walk alone. The Prince of Peace goes with us.