The Most Important Part of Friendship

"I don't have time to get involved in that group."
"I'm too busy to spend time with others."
"I would have people over, but my house isn't good/spacious/nice/etc enough for that."

How many times have you said things like this? Or something similar to them?

Maybe you stopped with just saying you didn't have time or if you were too busy, but how would you have finished those statements if you actually completed the thought?

I've said all of those things at different times.

But, guess what?

All of them are just excuses not to try.

Maybe that sounds a bit harsh, but I think it's true. When we really want to do something, we make time. We also make time when it's something we really need to do.

So, the same thing is true about making time for friendship, for community. It we really understood our need for it, we would make the time. If we really desire it, we will make the time.

I think part of our problem, is that we think it needs to complicated.

But, the truth is, it's simple.

All it takes is time.

It doesn't have to be complicated or fancy. And it doesn't have to have a cost.

The only requirement is time.

The best times I've had with friends have been the simplest.

In his book 7 Myths About Singleness Sam Allberry, talks about the simplicity of it this way:

"We must never underestimate what can be achieved for the kingdom of God around the kitchen table. It is a place God loves to use."

Some of the best times I've had with my friends have happened sitting around the table. The food on the table didn't matter, because that wasn't the important part. Sometimes the game that was on the table didn't matter, because that wasn't the important part either.

The important part was that we were together. We were taking time to be together, to build friendship with each other.

Why we Need Friends

"There's a closeness, an intimacy, to friendship, without which we become vulnerable to ruin."
(Sam Allberry, 7 Myths About Singleness)

I've spent the last couple weeks looking at what Scripture says about friendship (here and here). I believe that's the place we need to start everything from. And I hope you've begun to see the importance of friendship, or community, that is found in Scripture.

I purposely left my previous posts on this topic mostly just Scripture with little interpretation or explanation. That's what I want to talk about now.

What does friendship look like for us?

How does the importance of it play out in our everyday life?

Our culture tells us we can do it ourselves, that we don't need anyone else. But, a look at the lives of so many, both inside and outside the church , tells a different story. Trying to do it alone doesn't work long term. Even if it appears successful in the short term - almost all the time it ends poorly.

As Sam Allberry wrote in the quote I shared at the start of this post:

"There's a closeness, an intimacy, to friendship, without which we become vulnerable to ruin."
(7 Myths About Singleness)

We need people who we allow to get close. We need people who have our backs when attacks come. We need people to celebrate with us, to mourn with us. We need people who can and will warn us when we're getting off track and who will help us get things right again. Without this, we easily find ourselves in trouble.

Even as I write this, I'm challenged about how I've been living and my own friendships. With a significant change in circumstances in some key areas of my life this fall, I pulled back from most of my friendships - some partially, some completely. I started trying to go it alone again. And it seemed like it was working for a while.

But, as the new year approached, I realized it actually wasn't going well at all. I was walking through some hard stuff by myself and it was quickly becoming overwhelming. I saw how easy it would be to head down a path to ruin, to trouble. In fact, I was already taking steps down that path.

Thankfully, when I choose to reach out to friends again, they were still there. But, through this, I was reminded of why we need friends. How important it is that we have people we're walking through life with. And of how vulnerable we are when we try to go it alone.

So, who is in your circle? Who are the people you're walking with?

Or, have you started trying to walk through life alone? What steps can you take to correct this?

Biblical Examples of Friendship

Are there examples in Scripture that reflect what friendships should look like?

Is there more than just a list of things friends should be and do in Scripture?

The answer to those questions is YES.

In Scripture, we're provided with models of what this looks like. Last week, I gave a list of references of directives of what friends are like. Today I want to take a look at some biblical examples of friendship.

One of the more talked about examples of friendship in the Bible is where I want to start.

David and Jonathan would have been an unlikely pairing for a friendship. Jonathan was the one who should have been the next king after his father Saul. David was the one who had been anointed as the next king instead. But, friends they were.

We first see mention of their friendship in 1 Samuel 18:1-4. Jonathan and David became close friends after David came to stay and serve Saul at the palace.

We see a further example of their friendship in 1 Samuel 20. Things were becoming dangerous for David to remain in Saul's household. Jonathan, who at first didn't believe it, confirmed that David's life was in danger and helped David to get away safely.

In 2 Samuel 9, we see further evidence of the friendship of Jonathan and David. David is established as king and tradition would have been to make sure all descendants of Saul were killed so none could try to lay claim to the throne. David discovers one of Jonathan's sons is still alive, but rather than have him killed, David takes him into his home and treats him as family in honour of his friend.

David and Jonathan loved each other deeply and went out of their way to help and support each other. Even when it came at a personal cost. This wasn't a friendship just because it was easy. The held on through hard things too.

The book of Ruth is another example of friendship in action. After the deaths of their husbands, there was no reason for Naomi and Ruth to continue life together. What had tied them together was gone. But, Ruth chose to stay with Naomi (see Ruth 1:16-18). She chose to give up all that was familiar to her to with Naomi because she cared about Naomi.

Friends do make choices to give things up to go with another into something. Ruth chose this and set an example of being willing to sacrifice ourselves for friends.

The final example I've chosen from Scripture is Jesus and His disciples - specifically Peter, James, and John. Jesus chose these three to be a part of an inner circle of really close friends He spent time with them. He invited them into things where others weren't (see Luke 9:28-36). Even in His time of greatest struggle in the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus invited these three in deeper (see Matthew 26:37-38). Jesus didn't do it alone.

In all of these examples, these friends showed up for each other and invested time into the friendship. We have these examples of what friendship in action looks like.

There are other examples of friendship in Scripture, but these are the ones that really stuck with me. Friendship doesn't come without a cost, but it's a beautiful cost. We weren't made to do this life alone. We need each other.

Over the next few weeks, I will continue to explore this topic. I'll be pulling in some of the reading I've done around the topic and talking a bit more about some practical examples.