Brave?

Brave.

I see that word from almost everywhere in my house. It's written on the chalkboard hanging by my reading chair.

Brave.

The word God gave for 2020 in January.

I've struggled with seeing that word written there for the last few months. I definitely haven't felt brave - at least no according to what I've always thought of as brave. I mostly feel like it's just been taking everything I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. That hardly feels like what comes to mind when I think of the word brave.

A few days ago, I decided to look up what the word actually meant. To see if my thoughts were correct. I was both surprised and encouraged by what I found.

Merriam-Webster Dictionary gives a few different definitions, depending on whether you're using it as an adjective, verb, or noun. They're all related though.

Adjective - having or showing mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty: having or showing courage

Verb - to face or endure with courage

Noun - one with mental or moral strength to face danger, fear, or difficulty

 

So my thoughts of brave referring to someone who boldly steps into danger weren't wrong, but they were incomplete. Brave doesn't only mean that. Sometimes it can mean just keeping going and moving forward in the face of fear, anxiety, or uncertainty. 

As I dug into how the word brave is used in Scripture, I was challenged in my understanding of the word. Depending on the translation you uses, the same word is sometimes rendered as brave and sometimes as courage or courageous.

I noticed on important thing that changed everything for me. In the majority of uses I could find, this word was used in reference to trusting in God, to depending on Him.

"Wait for the Lord's help. Be strong and brave, and wait for the Lord's help." (Psalm 27:14, NCV)

"I told you these things so that you can have peace in me. In this world you will have trouble, but be brave! I have defeated the world." (John 16:33, NCV)

"On the day I called to you, you answered me. You made me strong and brave. (Psalm 138:3, NCV)

*see also Psalm 31:24, Joshua 1:7-9, 10:25, Deuteronomy 31:6-7, 1 Thessalonians 2:2

I used the NCV (New Century Version) for this as it specifically uses the word brave - in most of these verses, the NIV uses the word courage or courageous.

This is how Scripture defines brave.

Dependence on God. Trust in God.

Seeing the word brave as I go through my day doesn't feel so out of place anymore.

We Need More than Nice Words on a Sign

"Worry ends where faith begins"

"Worry doesn't empty tomorrow of its troubles; they empty today of its joy"

"Faith means you have peace, even when the world doesn't have peace"

These are words I've read regularly on a couple of church signs I drive by. They've said the same things since sometime in March.

At first, I read them and moved on. But the longer I see them, the more frustrated I've become with the message.

They're good sounding words. They should like they could be encouraging in an uncertain time. There's even a bit of truth to what they say.

But even those thoughts reveal the problem with them. Yes, they sound good. But, if you're actually struggling with worry, fear, anxiety, they've not encouraging words. They sound like a platitude - you just have to have more faith.

Is the message on these signs in line with Scripture?

Yes. A quick reading would say that.

But, I would also say no. I think that's why, over time, these messages have begun to frustrate me. 

What do I mean?

Yes, Scripture tells us not to worry. And Scripture encourages us to have faith.

No, because Scripture also acknowledges the struggle with worry, fear, anxiety and gives us a whole lot more than just an admonishment to have more faith. Scripture doesn't set worry and faith as opposites - even though we like to do that.

Let's take a look at some of what Scripture actually says.

One of the most commonly quoted Scriptures is Matthew 6:25-34. Jesus' teaching on worry in Sermon on the Mount. We're clearly told not to worry. Jesus makes the futility of worry pretty clear here. He also tells us to choose to seek God first in our lives instead.

But, what we're not told is significant here. We're not told that worry means we don't have faith. Jesus tells us not to worry and He tells us to seek God first, but this passage doesn't say that worry, fear, anxiety negates faith. I would argue that to seek God first instead of staying stuck in worry, fear, anxiety, means you have some measure of faith to begin with - even though you also have worry, fear, anxiety.

We like to use Philippians 4:6-7 in these discussions as well. In these verses, Paul tells us to go to God with our worries, fears, anxieties. We're told to tell them to God so we can experience His peace. If those worries, fears, anxieties mean we don't have faith, why would our response be prayer? That makes no sense.

In 1 Peter 5:7 we're told to "cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." Again, if those anxieties, fears, worries mean you have no faith, why would you cast them on Jesus? To choose to cast them on Jesus, you would need to believe that He cares about you and wants to know.

We can worry about things and still have faith. If worry, fear, anxiety is the antithesis of faith, it would be hard for many of us to have faith. Who hasn't worried sometimes? Who hasn't dealt with fear over certain things? Who hasn't had anxieties?

I believe it all comes down to what we do with our worries, fears, anxieties. We can have them alongside faith, if we're choosing to take our worries, fears, anxieties to Jesus.

Carrying our worries, fears, anxieties on our own will cause us to miss out on what's going on in the moment. But it's not as simple as telling someone that. Sometimes we might need to help them take their worries, fears, anxieties to Jesus.

That's something I'm grateful for a friend doing for me recently. I was struggling with all that's going on and the worry, fear, anxiety it has brought to my life. After seeing me in an inline meeting where I wasa struggling to hold it together, this friend phoned me.

She listened, pointed me to the truth of Scripture, and prayed for me on the phone. In doing so, she helped me take my worries, fears, anxieties to Jesus and leave them there, because I had faith that He could take them and carry them better than I could.

I didn't need church signs with good sounding words on them to help me with my worry, fear, anxiety. I didn't need to be told to just have more faith. I needed to be reminded that I have a place I can take my worry, fear, anxiety. And I needed a friend to remind me that I still had faith.

So, maybe, rather than looking for good sounding words, we can instead help one another walk out the faith we already have when we're struggling.

Don't Forget the Singles

After weeks of being limited to only those we live with, most of us are beginning to see opportunity to slowly and carefully begin to expand our circles again.

We need this. And we're looking forward to it.

But, even as I look forward to this, I'm also struggling with what has seemed to become an unintended reality of what it may look like.

While the terminology used has been varied depending on who has made the announcement, the point has been that this expansion of circles needs to be done slowly and carefully. And from the conversations I've had and the comments I've read in various places, the understanding of how to do this is just as varied.

One of the most prevalent thoughts I've read has been about this meaning we need to choose one and only one family to add right now. And I understand the thinking about it. Another family, means there are adults for the parents to visit with and kids for the kids to do stuff with. In lots of ways it makes sense.

This is where I'm struggling though. It leaves me wondering where I fit? Where does a single person fit in this expansion of people's circles if it's all focused on families, and having two families that spend time together now?

Here's the thing . . . these last two months, I have spent more time alone than most who are not single. Yes, I know you were at home too. I know you have significant changes in your world. And you've had extensive time with just your family.

But, here's the big difference . . . it was you and your family in your house.

For me . . . in my house, it's been just me. Yes, I went to work - to work in an office by myself most of the time. Then I came home and spent evenings and weekends sitting in my house by myself.

So, forgive me if I'm a little frustrated by all the talk of just making things two families doing things together now. If that's the way we move forward, then this change means absolutely nothing for me. It still means I'm sitting at home alone all the time. It still means the need for community that God has given me is being ignored.

In response, I've had some people tell me that the people I add need to be my family. But, that kind of feels like a double standard. Why does the couple who is married with kids get to add people who aren't family to their circle and I don't?

If the only people you're going to add to your circle right now are your parents and your siblings, then maybe that comment is valid. But, if you're adding friends to your circle, then I'm left wondering why there's a double standard.

In fact, that kind of comment speaks right into the way we far too often treat single people as second-class citizens. There's one standard for families, and a different one for single adults - one that has different, unfair, and unrealistic standards for the single person.

That's not something I'm going to do any more. I've spent dedicated a lot of time on this blog in the last year to speaking about those thoughts, double standards, and challenges.

So, here's my plea: Don't forget the singles in your world right now.

If you stop and think about it, you'll probably be surprised by how many single people are in your world.

I know this is a time when we have to be careful and do things slowly, but don't forget the singles. Look for ways that you can safely include them in this time. Don't leave them sitting on the sidelines wondering why they still have to deal with the double standard.


Note: This is not a place to debate whether or not we should be making these changes. I will remove/edit all comments that try to take things in that direction.