It's Strange Right Now

 Can we just acknowledge it . . . ???

Church is a little strange right now. Well, all of life is. But, today, I'm talking specifically about church.

For some, church is still online. Sitting in your living room, logging onto your computer.

For others, church may have begun to gather again. But, it definitely doesn't look the same. Doesn't look the way we're used to it looking.

But, as I discovered when I could walk into the church building I'd taken for granted, it is also good to be back. Even though I know the church isn't a building and that just because we couldn't gather in our usual place didn't mean we were no longer the church, there's still something about the place we gather as the family of God. 

As I've arrived for church and watched others arrive and find a seat in this strange situation we find ourselves in, I've realized that for the first time many are feeling something I've felt many times before - long before things became what they are now. There's something that I'm recognizing in their faces that's familiar.

You see . . . when the place you sit is carefully chosen and you're not just sitting close to everyone else in the room, it can feel lonely. You can feel like you're completely alone, even when there's other people in the room. When you have to keep the appropriate distance between you and others, it can emphasize those feelings of being alone. And, even moreso for those who are coming to church alone right now, when they would usually come with others.

I've struggled with since being able to go back. In some ways, the fact that I'm single is more emphasized than ever, because I can't just find friends to sit with. But, it's also a familiar feeling for me. There have been many times when I've walked into church, and not seeing anyone I would normally sit with, felt very alone int he group.

So, speaking from experience, maybe I can offer a bit of encouragement in this time: Let's be intentional about loving one another. Be compassionate. And offer that smile and hello. Even though we can't stop like we normally would and sit down to have the conversation or give a hug to someone,  we can still be the family of God and care for and love each other.

And don't be afraid to acknowledge that it feels strange. That it's hard. That, although we might be glad to be back, we're also still struggling with how we have to do things to be back.

When Words Hold You Back

"How can you pray for me when my prayer need is about my marriage and you've never been married?"

It's a question I was asked about 15 years ago, as I was part of a prayer team. And a question I've never forgotten.

I don't remember how I answered that night. But I did pray for this person.

And then it took another 10 years before I allowed myself to be in a position like that again.

I walked away from that conversation doubting whether I could or should step into what I felt like God was calling me to. I questioned if I should wait until I was married to step into ministry outside of with children and youth. I questioned if I was even allowed to be involved in adult ministry before I was married, or at least had many, many more decades of life experience.

I never told anyone about this experience. I never voiced my doubts or questions to anyone. I just held onto them. I was held back for years by this one question I was asked. I don't remember who said those words, but they had a profound impact on my life for years.

I wonder what stories you could tell about the impact of someone's words on your life. The impact could be good or it could hold us back. The challenge is that we're more likely to remember the words that us to question and doubt, the words that hold us back.

That's what happened to me. I know at the same time as I heard the words above, there were words spoken to me that encouraged and affirmed me in stepping out. But, I don't remember those words clearly. In the presence of doubt, they quickly lost their power.

If you've made it this far into the post, I wonder is you relate?

As you've read my experience maybe your own experience has come to mind.

What are the words that have been spoken over you or to you that have held you back?

What are the experiences in your past that have made you decide to stay back in the shadows rather than stepping into what you know God is prompting you to do?

There is good news. We don't have to live by these words and experiences. We can live free of them.

I know it's possible, because it's been my experience. It takes a choice to do the work of changing your thinking and learn what the truth is, what God says about you. But it is possible.

It starts with exactly where my questions have brought you. We have to start with acknowledging the words and experiences. We're often not aware of them, so we ask God to show us.

Once we're aware and acknowledge them, healing begins. We ask God to speak His truth the those lies we've been believing. Then we regularly remind ourselves of the truth until we actually believe it. And we step out and do what we've been hiding from. 

I still remember the first night I put myself back in a similar role - praying for people who requested it. I made a commitment to do it and stepped back in. Choosing to believe the truth that God wanted me there and He would equip me for it.

So, what do you do next?

Ask God for His truth to believe, instead of the lies that's been holding you back.

Remind yourself of the truth regularly. Keep doing it until you start believing it.

Step in. Do it with shaky hands and a quivering voice. But do it.

If you're overwhelmed or not sure how to move on, talk to someone. Tell them your story about what happened, what was said that is holding you back. Ask them to pray for you. Ask them to help you take the first step.

Hiding

"I'm not good at . . . "

"I'm not gifted at . . . "

"I don't do . . . "

"I'm not qualified to do . . . "

You can fill in the blank with all sorts of different things. 

The specifics are probably different for each of us. But the theme of what we're saying is the same.

We look at others and decide we don't measure up. They're better at it than us. They're more qualified than we are. They've been gifted by God for something and we haven't been.

Or, maybe, we've been silenced by the words of others. The words might have been very direct, or they might have been more subtle than that. But however they were delivered, they've had the result of silencing us and stopping us.

So we believe the lie and make excuses for why we can't or won't or shouldn't do something. We actually start to believe it. 

This has been something I've done for a lot of my life. I let past experiences and words spoken decide what I could and couldn't do. I compared myself to others and decided I didn't measure up. 

I've had to learn to believe the truth of what God says about me above anything else. To step into what He has for me, no matter what. Even when it puts me in a place where I feel vulnerable.

Being vulnerable makes us step back. It makes us hide. It reinforces our reasons why we can't and the lives we believe. But, this is exactly when we need to step into what God has for us.

I've been reading a book recently that has challenged me more in this. There's a part I read earlier today that really challenged me.

"Don't anesthetize your passion. Don't devalue the vulnerability you feel when you lead. Don't dismiss your vulnerability, your emotion, your tears as a sign of incompetence and disqualify yourself. Your voice doesn't need to be polished; it needs to be real, raw, and brave. And present." (Jo Saxton, Ready to Rise)

Where are you hiding?

Where are you silenced?

Where do you need to step into what God has for you?