What we All Need

 When I wrote my series on singleness in the church a year and half ago, there was a topic I completely avoided. It came up a few times in my research and writing, but I always had a good reason to skip over it. There was always something else to write about.

The truth is that I just didn't want to go there or open up that topic. But the last nine months have brought it back to the surface and I can't avoid it anymore.

I touched on it a little bit in my post last week, but there's so much more to it than what I wrote there. In the next few posts, I'm going to be talking about physical touch and our need for it. And take a look at what Scripture says about it.

Because this is a topic with potential for so much confusion, I'm going to start with being clear about what I'm not talking about:

1) I'm not talking about one of the five love languages that are popular to talk about. You don't get to tune out or stop reading because it's not your love language.

2) I'm not talking about sexual touch or love. That is a different topic, and one I currently have no plans to write about.

So, what am I talking about? What do I mean when I say physical touch?

I'm talking about those moments of connection with someone that comfort, soothe, make us feel loved and safe. A hug from a friend. A hand of comfort on our shoulder. A friend just being physically close to us while we watch a movie or enjoy being outside.

And, as I think about this topic, I've been hesitant to go here in the past, because of the huge possibilities of misunderstanding. Especially as I move into talking about what it looks like for a single person. 

As Lore Ferguson Wilbert writes in her excellent book Handle With Care: How Jesus Redeems the Power of Touch in Life and Ministry:

"Our society simply doesn't know what to do with the human body or human touch. Our culture is confused, and confusion only results in more confusion."

It's easy to look at culture and see the confusion. But it's not limited to secular culture.

I would argue that the church is just as confused - in some cases, even more confused - than our culture. We've just replaced the lack of rules or boundaries you could say is our culture's problem, with a long list of things we can and cannot do. A list that actually can't be found in Scripture. A list that often causes harm in exactly the ways we're trying to protect ourselves.

So, I will start with the next post looking at Jesus' use of physical touch in Scripture. And move from there into discussion about life and life as a single person in this area.

I Just Need a Hug

 Who knew the day would come when I would be hesitant to utter (or write) those words?

Who knew the day would come that someone could say those words and not have an abundance of people offer an immediate hug?

But, that is the reality of the times we're living in right now. This isn't the time of greeting people with a hug.

(Before I go any further, let me be clear on one thing: This is not a space to debate the response to the current pandemic. There will be no tolerance for arguing about whether the right decisions have been made. I am talking about a need many have and how we can respond in a challenging time.)

Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm not a big hugger. I enjoy giving and receiving hugs, but I'm not someone who just hugs everyone I see. But, even I have reached the point where I would hug almost anyone willing to hug.

I understand why it's not happening right now. The reasoning makes sense to me. I get it. I'll respect the rules, guidelines, public health orders of this time.

I didn't realize how important something that seems as simple as a hug was to our health until that was limited and removed in most cases. I live alone, so there's not an option of people to hug in my house every day. This time has made me all the more grateful for the couple of people in my life who I do still get to hug - although sometimes that's still not enough.

And, if I'm struggling with this right now, then I can't even imagine what it's like for those who are huggers - for those whose default greeting of someone is a hug.

Science and human experience tells us how important that physical contact with others is for your health - physically, spiritually, emotionally. 

And, so I've been wrestling with this question:

How do we deal with our need for physical contact - for things like hugs - in a time when we need to limit our physical contact? What can we do?

Because if I'm honest, I'd just go for being able to sit closer to someone than two meters apart from someone.

I know from experience, the good a hug can do. I've been in situations where it calms my anxiety in a moment. I feel my shoulders relax. Even though, it doesn't remove the worries or hurts, it eases the pain and stress of it.

There is lots out there that supports to science of the good hugs do for us. A simple search will bring a lengthy list of scientific articles and news stories about them.

So, what does all this mean? How can we meet this need right now?

I don't know that I have a clear answer on it. I don't know that I have the answer.

But, what I will say . . . hug the people who are in your circle right now. Make the space for that, because I think we all need it right now.

And care about those who you can't hug. Take the time you can to still listen and be there. It might be the same as a hug, but even those conversations with others who care, who I know in other circumstances would freely offer a hug, still help.

Hug those in your circle as much as you all need to.

Listen to and care in other ways for those you can't hug right now.

Letting the Faith of Others Carry you in the Struggle

 A couple days ago, I got a message asking why I hadn't posted anything here in just over a month. I knew it had been a while, but I didn't realize it had been that long.

If I look at the notebook where I start most of my posts, I can see a lot of started and unfinished posts. Things I started to write, but had no idea how to finish or turn into something I would share. Thoughts about things that I can't yet get to a conclusion of any kind.

The last post I wrote and shared here challenged me as I read it. I was writing about getting through when you don't think you can. About what we need to do.

I talked about our need to invite community into our struggle. To have people we can be honest with about where we're at. It was easy to write that, but the truth is, it was harder to live that out. I wrote those words for others, not even realizing how much I would struggle to do exactly that in the last few weeks.

It wasn't until I completely reached the end of myself that I realized just how important it is to invite people into our struggle. It's not just a good thing to talk about. It's something we need to actually do. It wasn't until I actually reached out to friends and let them into my struggle that things began to change. My faith may be weak right now, but that's what community is for. We carry each other when someone is struggling. We carry them to Jesus.

When the whole premise of what you've written about for years is living as Christ's disciple and what that looks like practically, when things get hard, it's hard to write about it. But maybe honesty about things is the best place to start writing again.

I don't know what my writing will look like in the coming weeks. I don't know if there will be more that make its way to here. Or if it will continue to be unfinished ideas that don't make it here.

But can I encourage you with this: No matter where you're at spiritually, keep holding on. Keep sharing honestly with people in your life. When you're faith is struggling, ask the people around you to pray for you. Let their faith carry you when yours is weak.