Acknowledging the Loss

 You've probably heard it referenced a lot. People talking about the losses of this pandemic. And there have been many for many of us.

Maybe we're tired of hearing about it.

Maybe we're not sure what we're experienced qualifies.

Maybe we just don't know what to think.

Maybe we would rather just ignore it all.

Tomorrow is my birthday.

Not one of those years we usually make a bigger deal of. But still my birthday.

For the last few weeks, my sister has been asking me what I want to do for my birthday. I've likely frustrated her with my lack of answers.

No patio I wanted to have supper on.

No takeout I wanted to pick up.

No food I wanted to make for supper together.

No activity I wanted to do.

Just nothing.

I've never been on to plan things for my birthday. I've done nothing for more of them than I can count. It's just never really been a big deal to me.

But this year, something was bothering me as my birthday drew near. And it made me want to just pretend it wasn't happening at all.

It took me a few weeks to figure out what was going on. What was bothering me was that I couldn't have a few friends over to my house, that I couldn't go out for a dinner or dessert with a group of friends.

And it had nothing to do with whether I actually would this time.

It was about not having the choice - for the second year in a row.

But, it was about more than that too. It was a realization of how long it's been since I could just be with my friends sharing food and games and laughter.

It reminded me of something I read a couple months ago. The article (that I can't find now) was talking about grief over the losses of the last year. Yes, the losses to death, the losses of jobs and security. But, not just those losses. The losses of the seemingly smaller things that are still important to us.

When I first read the article, I wasn't sure I agreed, so I just left it and didn't think much about it. Until the last couple days. Until I realized I was dealing with a loss. A different kind of loss than the ones we usually associated with grief, but a loss nonetheless.

We can probably all name some of those losses in the last year. And it can be easy to minimize them because they don't seem as big as someone else's loss. But that doesn't help us. We can't compare our losses to other's losses.

Whatever the loss we're dealing with, we need to acknowledge it for what it is. Allow ourselves to deal with the emotions that come from the loss. Take if to Jesus and let Him meet us in it.

Then we can begin to walk again.

So, tonight, I acknowledge the loss I'm feeling of that opportunity to be with my friends on my birthday or just a regular Saturday night games' night. It's been a long time. And those nights were important in many ways.

And tomorrow, I'll celebrate my birthday with the people I can be with. Thankful for what I do still have, even in the midst of the loss I feel.

It may not be what I wish it could be. And it still hurts. But something does change when it's acknowledged. Spoken out loud. Shared with somebody.

So tonight I leave you with some questions. Questions I've been wrestling with the last few days.

What loss are you feeling? No matter how small you think it is, it's still a loss. And it's not about comparing it to others.

Have you acknowledged it and taken it to Jesus?

Holding Onto Hope

 What are you hoping for? What are you hoping in?

Where have you placed your hope?

These are the questions running through my mind tonight.

I've had a number of conversations with people lately who are struggling to see or feel any hope. And I am too.

This past year has been a hard one for many of us. Isolation and loneliness. Wondering if or when this will all end. Feeling like we see glimpses of the end of this, only to have them dashed again.

It's hard to have hope when it always seems to fall apart. When it never seems to go the way we hoped.

But, I've beginning to wonder if our struggle with hope is because we're placing it in the wrong places. 

What if hope feels impossible right now because we're hoping for the wrong thing? Or because we're placing our hope in the wrong thing?

By the wrong thing, I don't mean things that are sin. The wrong thing isn't about some sort of moral choice we make.

Much of what we hope for and place our hope in are things on earth, things that fade or fall apart. And when those things do what they will always do, we struggle with hope.

What would happen if we changed the place the where place our hope?

What if we intentionally hose to place our hope in something more than the world has to offer?

I love the way the writer of Hebrews talks about hope in Hebrews 11:1

"Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it." (NCV)

Hope is tied to faith. Hope comes from faith. The NIV talks about having confidence in what we hope for. That's something that sounds like it offers more than the things of this world.

In Romans 5:5, Paul tells us why we can have hope:

"And this will never disappoint us, because God has poured out His love to fill our hearts. He gave us His love through the Holy Spirit, whom God has given to us." (NCV)

Hope that comes from God and is placed in God will never disappoint us. That's a pretty great promise!

So I'm challenged tonight about where I'm placing my hope. And reminded that I need to place it in God, because He will never disappoint.

In the midst of all that is currently happening in our world, it's easy to lose hope - if it's something on earth we're placing our hope in.

But, we can choose differently.

Today, I'm choosing again to place my hope in God. And, honestly, that might be a choice I have to make again in 5 minutes. But, it's one I'll keep making.

Maybe you need to do the same thing. It might not be easy. It might need to be a minute-by-minute choice right now. But, it's worth it.

What can you do today to reminder you to put your hope in God?

Why Do I Keep Writing About Singleness in the Church?

 Why do I write about singleness in the church?

Why do I write so much about something that many think applies to so few people in the church?

These questions or variations of them have been running through my mind a lot in the last month - prompted by things I get asked often.

The asking of these questions reveal some common misunderstandings and myths that are believed by many. As I've reflected on these questions, I've realized that maybe it was time to address these questions.

To start, let's look at the myth that the topic of singleness in the church applies to very few people. I don't think anyone would argue that marriage rates are declining. Not all of this decline is attributable to cohabitation though. There are also more people who are single and living alone.

According to a study on living alone in Canada published by Statistics Canada in 2019 (based on 2016 numbers), the number of people living along in Canada has more than doubled in the last 35 years, and in the 2016 census represented 14% of all households in Canada.

While I cannot find the sources for specific numbers right now, I have read many articles and books over the last few years that say the population of singles is growing in our society. And that means it is growing in our churches as well. There are predictions that singles will make up half of society, and our churches, very quickly. If singles, as a group, are growing like this, than this isn't a topic that applies only to a few.

And, as I have written about before, the evangelical church does not appear to have a well-developed theology of singleness. When I first began on this quest, an overwhelming majority of anything written on singleness in the church was published by the Catholic Church. Most evangelical-based books were all about how singleness is just a waiting period before marriage. While things have shifted a little bit in terms of what is out there over the last couple years, we still have a long ways to go if up to half our church people are single and many are likely to remain single for their entire lives.

So, I write about singleness in the church because it needs to be talked about more. Yes, we need the marriage courses church's run. We need the sermons on marriage. We need the support for marriage in a society that doesn't value it.

But, we also need support and resources for singles that aren't focused on the assumption they'll all get married one day. This may be the hope and dream for many of us, but it's not always reality nor is it guaranteed.

When we talk about family, it needs to include a healthy and well-developed understanding and theology of singleness. When we pray for different groups within the church, we need to be intentional about including those who are single past college-age and are not yet seniors. Not in a way of calling us out and emphasizing the difference, but in a way of including us and making us feel valued and seen as part of the church. Not in a way of making of feel valuable only for our service and a focus on not having a family distraction, but in a way of valuing the way we juggle work, home, church, friends, extended family on our own instead of with someone to help with many of those responsibilities.

So, all of this is why I talk so much about singleness in the church. If the changes in statistics of those are single continue as they have, it's not going to be long before 50% or more of our church member are single and not in college or seniors. We need to be ready to minister to this group of people too.