We Have to Break the Silence

 So much of the hurt that happens in religious contexts is kept quiet. We feel like we can't or shouldn't say anything about it - often because of exactly the teachings that brought us the pain in the first place that told us we had to keep it quiet.

"Our wounds, whatever they are, are made more powerful by the silence around them, voicelessness, at times the fear of disruption, or the internalized silencing of our voices being trapped by those with the most power, telling us not to trust what our pain told us. The naming of what has hurt us, is the very undoing of the cloak of invisibility that keeps the pain stuck. And this - the naming, the unveiling, the 'unsettling truth' as Mark Charles calls it - as painful as it is, this is central to how we heal our spiritual trauma." (Dr. Hillary McBride, Holy/Hurt Podcast, Episode 1: The House is Haunted)

I think this may be the hardest part at times. Putting words to the pain. Admitting it out loud.

But it's important and needed.

And it often just affirms what our bodies are already telling us.

"Our bodies always tells the truth. Even if we find a way to cover it up at first, the story always comes out - if not in our thoughts, or in our relationships, then always in our bodies." (Dr. Hillary McBride, Holy/Hurt Podcast, Episode 1: The House is Haunted)

But, in our silence, we've also been taught to mistrust our bodies. So we ignore what they're trying to tell us.

The healing that comes when we begin to break the silence with safe people in safe places is significant.

So, the silence must be broken. We cannot continue to live in silence about the pain that many are living with.

Even if it starts with faltering words, with unclear thoughts. As the silence is broken, healing can begin.

What is Spiritual Trauma?

 I think this question is the most important place we can begin. It's where I started my journey.

But it's also something that didn't have a simple definition, because there's not a clear, specific line that can be drawn. As I've discovered, what is a traumatic experience for one person may not be in the same way for someone else. And how traumatic an experience is can depend to a large degree on the support and reactions of others someone receives before, during, and after the experience.

Here is the best definition of spiritual trauma I found in my study:

"Spiritual trauma is described as being negatively impacted by religious teachings or ideologies. Trauma may stem from the broader faith system, such as various beliefs or ideologies. Spiritual trauma can also come from an individual within your local faith-based community, such as religious leader or a small group of people." (insessionpsych.com "What is Spiritual Trauma & How Does It Impact Me?")

As I think more about this, I begin to see the ways and places that can happen without it being intentional. In our desire to live lives of faith that are honouring to God, we make things into imperatives - things we must do - to belong, to show our obedience. And we put those who don't into categories of less than as believers, or even as outsiders until they begin to live up to our imperatives.

Let me be abundantly clear: I'm not saying that Scripture doesn't have clear teaching on how we are to live. It does and we respond to God's incredible love for us by living the way His Word outlines.

But, we get it wrong when we make these teachings about how to live and keeping them completely the mark of belonging. And shame and judge and exclude those who don't. We don't earn our standing before God or His love for us; we receive it as a gift.

What I Spent my Summer Studying

 Over the next while, I'm going to be taking things on here in a bit of a different direction than I've gone before. I spent the summer working to better understand what spiritual trauma is and how it impacts people. The next little bit of posts (I don't know how many yet) will be mu wrestling with and thoughts from what I've read and heard.

Before, I get too far into this topic, a few words about what is coming feel necessary. This isn't a light topic or something easy to read about or grasp. It's hard and it's heartbreaking. You can't dig in the topic of spiritual trauma without reading and hearing about immense pain, wounding, and heartbreak in people's lives.

I'm far from an expert on the topic. I have a business degree, not a counselling or psychology degree. The more I've dug into this over the summer, the less I've felt like I will ever really know or understand. While there's lots to be learned as fact, the reality is that this is about people's stories and experiences. And that means there's always nuance and layers to it. There's also different degrees of how it will be experienced by different people - what's a big deal to one person may not be a big deal to another person.

The first thing I realized as I dug into this is that it's far more prevalent than I thought. Because of the varying degrees of what is experienced and how different people respond to things, we can't say certain things are or aren't spiritual trauma. We also may not realize that the person sitting next to us in church is dealing with it. It often goes unmentioned, even unnoticed by people.

It's also quite possible that we've been on both side of the equation with this - especially if we've been in the church for a long time. We've experienced things that could fall within or close to the label of spiritual trauma. And, maybe even harder to face, we've possibly also been a part of it for someone else, often unintentionally.

So, with that, this is my invitation to join me on a journey. It will be wandering and hard sometimes, but I also believe hopeful. When we face the painful realities of what has happened to us, and around us, healing can begin.

As I write this, I'm also realizing I've very indebted to the Holy/Hurt podcast by Dr. Hillary McBride. It was one of the most accessible and real discussion I found on this topic.